I Think I Want To Marry You
by MKAmericanhero
Summary: Sequel to INETL, focusing on Liv, Alex and their daughter planning their wedding. Life isn't always perfect, but love conquers all in my world ;-
1. It's A Beautiful Night

**So sequel is up as promised. Going ot start with wedding plans and go through to the wedding so I hope you all enjoy this story as much as you did its predecessor. Happy reading.**

Olivia had always heard how much of a hassle it was to plan a wedding; the flowers, the food, the music, the venue, the list was never ending. The kitchen table was covered with papers and brochures that all held some kind of importance when it came to planning this day and it was giving her a headache. Olivia was shocked out of her dream world when her wife to be shouted her name.

"Olivia, babe I know this is really hard work, but I need you to focus. Now which cake did you like the best?"

"I like the red velvet and the chocolate one that we tried last week, my vote is for chocolate."

"Ok chocolate it is, we have to call them tomorrow and give them a design for the cake and the date and a deposit and all that."

"I can hardly contain my excitement," Olivia deadpanned. "I vote we stop the wedding planning for the night and go to bed, I'm tired and I need a shower."

"Fine, but after work tomorrow, we get back to it, promise."

"I promise, on one condition."

"Really, and what might that be?"

"That you join me in that shower, you know I have a hard time getting my back and plus, I'll need someone to catch me if I slip and fall." And with a wink and a coy smile Olivia disappeared into the bathroom followed closely by her fiancé. After the shower, Alex was sitting in bed reading waiting for Olivia to finish up in the bathroom and join her.

"Hey babe?"

"Yeah?"

"You coming to bed soon?"

"Is right now soon enough?" Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex before settling into the spot next to her. This night was one of the few they had the apartment all to themselves as Haddie was staying at the Stabler's for a sleep over.

Alex shut off the light and soon felt the familiar touch of Olivia wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her close.

"Liv?"

"Yeah baby."

"One more wedding question. Who do you want to give you away, you know, walk you down the aisle?"

"Well I guess I hadn't thought about it much, that always struck me as a father-daughter thing and so it was never part of my wedding fantasy when I was a kid."

"Baby there is no rule that says you have to have a family member walk you down the aisle."

"Good, because I don't have any family to do it." Immediately after saying it Olivia realized how hurtful that sounded. "Alex I didn't mean it like that, you, your family and Haddie are my family and the people we work with are family, but what I meant was I don't have someone blood related to walk me down the aisle."

Turning so that she and Olivia were face to face Alex cupped her lover's face and repeated, "nowhere, does it say that you have to be given away by a man you are related to, it doesn't even have to be a man. I'm asking Liz and maybe one other person."

"Two people?"

"Why not, I have two arms, two hands that they can each hold onto."

"I know you have two hands, I've experienced them first 'hand'. Ouch Alex, really hitting your wife to be with a pillow."

"What are you going to do about it detective?"

"Arrest you for assaulting a police officer."

"Really and if I plead guilty, will you go easy on me?"

"No, but I might kiss you until you have learned your lesson." And with that Liv pulled Alex closer to her and in the dark found her lips and within seconds her tongue was begging for entrance into Alex's mouth, which of course it got. After about ten solid minutes of making out Alex, broke the kiss, coming up for air.

"Liv, seriously, who do you want to walk you down the aisle?"

"So you didn't buy the fact that I never thought about who would walk me down the aisle and give me away."

"Nope, face it babe, I'm too smart for you."

"I would either want, Elliot or the captain to give me away."

"Like I said you can have both. Besides you might need both of them there to make sure you don't faint."

"Do you think they would do it if I asked them?"

"Honey I think they would give you the moon if you asked them for it. Think about it, Don thinks you're his daughter anyway and Elliot's like your big brother, they would probably jump at the chance to give you away. Why does this freak you out so much?"

"Like I said when I was younger, I never thought that there would ever be a man in my life that I would want to walk me down the aisle; I never thought I would ever trust a man that much. And now here I am with all these men in my life who would do anything for me, it just a weird adjustment."

"Hey, look at me, all of those men you work with would gladly lay down their life for you, they would do anything to see you safe and happy, so I think Elliot and Don would be honored to give you away."

"I'll ask them tomorrow, but first you have to tell me something."

"Anything."

"Who is the other person besides Liz that you want to give you away?"

"Uncle Bill."

"You never stop amazing me. Fine it's settled I will ask Don and El and you ask Liz and your uncle. Now can I go to bed, we have done nothing but plan wedding crap all day long and I still don't know what a candelabra is."

"Candelabra is the traditional term for a set of multiple decorative candlesticks, each of which often holds a candle on each of multiple arms or branches connected to a column or pedestal. A single member of such a set is known as a candelabrum."

"Thank you Wikipedia, how do you fit so much information in that head of yours."

"It's a gift."

"Well, o'gifted one can we go to sleep now or do you want to amaze me with more of your vast knowledge."

"Well…."

"Goodnight Wikipedia."

"Goodnight Liv."

Olivia woke up early and got ready, trying to do so quietly without waking Alex. After making coffee and leaving a note for her fiancée, Olivia managed to creep out of the apartment without Alex stirring. She wanted to get to the station house before anyone else got there; she liked it when it was quiet and empty. Sometimes she would sit in the dark and just enjoy the silence; no phones ringing, no criminals shouting, no victims crying, just silence. Soon the silence was broken as people started to arrive for work.

"Hey Liv, what has you here so early. Alex kick you out of bed?"

"Very funny Elliot. No I came in early oddly enough to talk to you and the Captain."

"Well, I'm here, what's on your mind?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, are you going to make me guess or are gonna stop stalling and ask me already."

"I wanted to ask you if you would walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding."

Elliot was speechless and as he processed the information tears started to form in his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

"El? You ok?"

Finally able to compose himself, Elliot answered, his voice breaking a little, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"So what do you say?"

Without speaking Elliot stood up from his desk and pulled Olivia into a rather tight hug, his voice still breaking he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I would be honored to walk you down the aisle and give you away."

"If you're happy then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm gonna be a hot mess when I grabbed hold of your arm and walk you down the aisle, because at the end of that walk, my job as your protector will be over. I have to hand you over to Alex and know that you won't need me anymore because you'll have her."

"Don't talk like that, I'll always need you, you're my partner and my best friend. Besides who else will Alex turn to when I become too much to handle."

"You have a point there. So considering your also asking Cragen, which arm do I get to hold onto?"

"You get first pick."

"I pick right side."

"You got it. Now I have to go talk to Cragen, so do you think that maybe you could let go of me because I kind of can't breathe."

"Sorry."

"No harm done, I'll be right back."

Olivia knocked on the Captain's door and stepped in to see if he was busy, "Cap, do you have a minute."

"Sure thing, what's on your mind?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you something. I was wondering if you would be one of the people that gives me away at my wedding? I already asked Elliot and he said yes, so that just leaves you."

Like Elliot, Cragen started to tear up, but he was able to compose himself better than Elliot did, "it would be the greatest honor of my life to walk you down the aisle Olivia."

"Thank you Don."

"You are very welcome. So which arm do I get to hold onto?"

"My left, Elliot has dibbs on the right."

"Well, at least you will have to handsome men on either side of you in case you faint."

"Why does everyone think I'm gonna faint?"

"Well, last I checked the pool around the office has you as the fainter over Alex."

"Didn't we tell you guys to stop betting on us?"

"No such luck, we're already taking bets for when you two are gonna have more kids."

"I hate all of you."

"No you don't. I'll cut you in for half the money."

"Deal. Now I'm going to go see if my partner can compose himself long enough to go get breakfast."

**So I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. I have a good chunk of the story written, I'm presently working on their vows. That being said I'm super open to hearing what you all want to see in the story, drop me a review and I'll see what I can do. Let me know what you think and that you to all my readers who are picking up this new story and to all the new readers who are giving it a chance. Review for next chapter.**


	2. We're Looking For Something Dumb To Do

**So it's a short update, but I meant this to go with the first chapter. I'm going to go from this to the rehearsal dinner cuz, well it's my story and in it the planning has been handled already. To answer a few questions from reviews; no in this story Liv's brother doesn't exist and Charlotte Cabot will make an appearance again in this series, but not quite yet, I have plans for her. The next chapter will be the wedding reception so review when you're done. Happy reading.**

Alex also arrived early for work and was in her office when her assistant arrived.

"Carla, could you come in here when you get a chance." About five seconds later her office assistant was standing in her door way. "When Judge Donnelly get's here can you please ask her if she has a moment to speak with me."

About an hour later Alex heard a knock at her door, "Enter."

"Ms. Cabot, Judge Donnelly just arrived and she says for you to meet her in chambers."

"Thanks Carla."

Alex gathered her things and made her way over to Liz's office. Before she knocked on the door she composed herself then knocked on the door.

"Enter."

"Good morning you honor."

"Good morning Alexandra, drop the 'your honor' bit unless this is a business call, which I assume it isn't."

"No Liz its not, I have a question, well more of a favor to ask you."

"Well, I can't say yes or no unless you actually ask the question."

"Well, Uncle Bill is going to walk me down the aisle at the wedding, but I was sort of hoping you wouldn't mind sharing that job with him. I mean I have two arms I was hoping you be willing to hold onto the other side of me. So the question is, will you walk me down the aisle at my wedding?"

Liz was quite for a moment, but soon a smiled spread across her face, "I would be honored to Alexandra."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised, what you thought I would say no and miss the chance to walk my god daughter down the aisle."

"No, I guess this whole wedding planning stuff just has me a little stressed out."

"Well, consider this one less thing to worry about. Now I have court in 10 minutes and you have paperwork that needs your attention so I think I should be going."

"Thank you Liz."

"No need to thank me Alexandra, you and that fiancée of yours are going to make beautiful brides and I'm just glad to be a part of that."

**So, thoughts, feelings, desires, criticism? Review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Hey Baby

**As promised, a long chapter that details the rehearsal dinner happenings. Hope you enjoy. Reviews are my crack you guys.**

Over the next six months Olivia and Alex planned every detail of their wedding from the dresses to the food, to the flowers and everything in between. Everything was paid for and planned out and now here they were the night before their wedding and they were running around trying to get ready for their rehearsal dinner.

Both women had decided to make their marriage legal and that meant a bit of traveling, but in the end they found a beautiful chapel in Massachusetts that they both fell in love with. The morning of the rehearsal dinner they hoped on a private plane with their daughter and soon arrived in Martha's Vineyard. They arrived at the hotel and got settled in separate rooms as they had decided to not see each other the night before the wedding. By the time they reached the hotel, their friends and family had already arrived and gotten settled. Both women went into their suites to get ready for the party.

Alex had Serena and Liz staying in her suite with her and Olivia had Hadassah and Elliot in her's. As both women got ready for the party, their respective best friends were running in between the two of them trying to help them get ready as was their daughter.

Elliot had just went to grab more ice and Serena was in with Olivia when someone knocked on the door.

"Serena, can you grab that, I guess Elliot must have forgotten his key?"

"Sure." Serena ran out of the bedroom and soon Olivia heard someone talking to her at the door, "Serena who is it?"

"Ok so the woman at the door told me to give you this." Serena handed Olivia a bottle of Texas Longhorns Hot Sauce. "Ok, why did she give you his?"

"She said for me to tell you that, and I quote, 'if you can't stand the heat stay out of Texas'."

"If you can't stand the…oh my god," Olivia tossed the bottle back to Serena and shouted out the bedroom door, "Abbie Carmichael?"

In a matter of seconds Abbie appeared in the doorway, "you bellowed detective." Olivia ran over and pulled Abbie into the biggest hug she could muster. "I missed you too Liv, but I can't breathe."

"Sorry. What are you doing here?"

"Imagine my surprise when I'm flipping through the newspaper and see a wedding announcement for a one Alexandra Cabot and Olivia Benson. You didn't really think that I would miss two of my best friends' finally getting married to each other. And if I remember correctly you swore up and down you didn't have feelings for her."

"What can I say, I lied. You flew all the way out here just to be at my wedding, I knew I liked you for some reason. Oh, before I forget Abbie this is Serena Southerlyn, she's an ADA that works for Jack, Serena this is Abbie Carmichael my favorite conservative Republican."

Abbie turned and shook Serena's hand, "that must make you the ADA that replaced me when I left. I hope you had an easier run at it then I did, trying to play with the boys in that office is near impossible."

"Apparently it is impossible; I got fired three weeks ago."

"Damn, I thought I had it rough, what happened?"

"Well, if they had a problem working with you because you're a conservative woman, then I think they just didn't want to have to deal with a liberal lesbian."

"Ouch, well chances are you are too good for them anyway."

"Enough office talk I need help putting on make-up. Abbie the party/dinner starts at 6:30, so if you think you can clean yourself up by then you are more than welcome to join us."

"Honey, who are you kidding, I always look good. Finish getting ready, I'm gonna go surprise your bride."

Abbie made her way down the hall and knocked on the door to Alex's suite and with Liz busy helping Alex into her dress Hadassah answered it.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm a friend of Alex and Liv's can you just tell Alex that the only girl in our sorority to score higher than her on the LSATs is here to see her."

Haddie was confused, but she called for her mother anyway, "Mom."

Abbie chocked on the gum she was chewing, _'Mom, when the hell did they have a kid, a teenager no less.'_

Not getting a response Haddie ran into her mother's room to relay the message, two seconds later Abbie could hear Alex shout, "two points Carmichael, two damn points." Alex quick appeared in the doorway and didn't waste any time scooping Abbie up into a big hug.

Liz and Haddie both stood still in shock, "I take they know each other."

"I'm sorry, Liz this is Abbie Carmichael and Abbie this is Judge Elizabeth Donnelly."

"Pleased to meet you your honor."

"Please, call me Liz. Alex I'm going to make sure they add another seat at the table for Ms. Carmichael."

"And Abbie this, is my daughter Hadassah. Haddie this is Abbie, she and Olivia have been friends for a very long time and I met her in college." Haddie stuck out her hand and shook Abbie's, "it's really nice to meet you Ms. Carmichael, my mothers speak quite fondly of you."

"Please call me Abbie and you are just too damn cute. Cabot I haven't been gone long enough for you two crazy ladies to have had a kid this age."

"I'm adopted."

"Aren't you the lucky one getting these two crazy chicks for mothers. So next time I come to visit is there going to be more children in your family Allie."

"Come visit more often and find out. Now come on I need help getting ready for this party, it's almost 6."

"Mom can Abbie help you, Aunt Serena is gonna help me with my makeup?"

"Sure baby, go ahead." Once Haddie was safely outside the suite, Abbie began the questioning. "Ok spill Alex, what's the story behind that daughter of yours."

"It's not a pretty story Abbie."

"So, it clearly has a happy ending."

"Ok, she was an abuse victim whose case went through SVU. Her parents were hurting her and when she turned 14 she started to try and fight back and they reacted by beating her within an inch of her life. On top of that she's was, and to the best of knowledge still is, a cutter. She said it started when she was 12 or so, she had been told that she was worthless by her parents and she really just started to hate herself, so now she is trying to deal with that addiction. Liv met her at the hospital and the girl trusted her and after the trial was over she was going to be put in foster care. Well, Liv and I couldn't put her through that, we already loved her and she had been through so much already, we wanted her to feel what it's like to be wanted and loved, so we adopted her and now here we are."

"Wow Alex, that's really amazing, how is she doing now?"

"Better, we have her seeing a shrink and she knows that she can come to us and she just seems to be happy."

"Look at you beaming like a proud mama. I think it's great what you guys did for her, she seems like a wonderful kid Alex."

Alex got a little teary eyed, "she is, and sometimes I go check on her at night just to make sure I didn't dream the whole thing up, that she really is ours."

"Hey, no tears, this is a happy day and that girl looks so damn happy Alex, she wants her family to be a rock solid, legal family and who knows maybe that stability will help her, make her realize you guys are in it for the long haul. Now come on grab your shoes and crap because if I'm not mistaken you party starts in ten minutes babe."

Alex hurried up and finished getting ready, as did Olivia. The women met in the hall way and with their daughter following close behind they made their way down stairs to the grand ballroom. Both Alex and Olivia assumed that the New York courts must have literally been closed for the weekend as everyone from police officers to judges were in attendance. Everyone was casually wondering around the room mingling and enjoying themselves and after about an hour of this everyone was invited to sit and begin their dinner. As dessert was being served Serena took the stage and got everyone's attention by whistling into the mic.

After everyone settled down Serena started to speak, "Evening everyone, look before you panic these speeches tonight are not that long, the ones tomorrow afternoon will be the main event. But since Alex and Liv already paid for your food, alcohol and hotel rooms you are obligated to sit here and at least pretend to have a good time. It's open bar people, so liquor up and shut up, and there is Alex giving me a dirty look so moving on. I would like to begin my speech as Alex's maid of honor by stating this, I won the bet. Now before Alex kills me let me lay it out for you all. When the future Mrs. over there first met, I told Alex that she was totally in love with Olivia, but did she believe me, no. So as the years went by myself and several other people developed a long standing bet that wagered when these two love birds would figure out that they loved each other. It has been added to over the last several years, but I offer you ladies and gentlemen exhibit A." Serena hit a button on the control in her hand and a screen dropped down from the ceiling and showed the whole party a spread sheet that contained all the names of the people involved and what they wagered.

"Now as you can all plainly see, I was the one who bet on them getting together, one of them saving the other's life, I also bet that they would adopt a child before they had their own and before they were actually married, I even bet that that child would be one they met at work and would be over the age of ten. I bet that Olivia would propose to Alex, I guessed the correct month for the wedding, I bet that they would make it legal and which state it would be in and my personal favorite I bet that Liv's hair would be long by the time they got married. So ladies and gentlemen I thank you for this massive sum of money, but once again before Alex has a kitten over this, hear me out. I could keep this money and blow it on shopping, but instead I'm going to use it for something good. In order to do that I need Haddie to come up here."

Looking just as confused as her mothers Hadassah walked up to the stage and stood next to her "aunt". "Now Hadassah, you are 15 correct?"

"You know I am Aunt Serena."

"And do you enjoy school so far."

"More or less, I mean its high school."

"Very true, now I assume you want to go to college, right?"

"Of course."

"And knowing your mother like I do, she and Liv have probably already started a college fund for you correct?"

"Yeah."

"Well, as your aunt and someone who loves you and your family very much I want to be able to stand up at your graduation party from college and be able to say that I did something to help you get there. So bearing that in mind, I want you to take this money I won from betting on your parents and I want you to put it in your college fund." Serena handed the teenager a rather large sum of bills. Slowly the child looked at the money and soon realized how much there was.

"Aunt Serena this is more than two grand."

"Trust me, it goes fast in college. Use it to buy books ok." The stunned teenager went back to her seat and handed to money to Alex who still looked shocked.

"Look everyone, my speech for tomorrow will make you cry, but for tonight I will say this. Alex and I grew up together, she is my sister in every sense of the word and the fact that she has found her happy ending makes me happier then you can even imagine. To say that I'm proud of her doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling today. Alex and Olivia have created a wonderful life and family for themselves and I am proud to be a part of it. I remember when we were children we would always dream of our weddings and our futures and Alex's was always this fairytale and it always had a happy ending. I look at her now and I see that her fairytale came true, complete with her own personal knight in shining armor, we should all be so lucky. So here is to Alex and Olivia and their bright future together, may it be better than any fairytale and last twice as long, cheers." Everyone raised their glasses and soon there was a thunderous applause coming from the guests.

Alex stood up and when Serena got back to the table the two women hugged each other and cried for a few minutes before calming down enough to allow the speeches to continue. Elliot got up on the stage next.

"Well I don't think my speech is as emotionally charged as Serena's and sorry Haddie, but I have 5 kids, so I don't have 2 grand to give you. I've known Liv for, well honestly it feels like we have known each other forever, but I've known her for about 12 years give or take. When we were first partnered together, my first thought was damn it they gave a woman, my wife is going to flip out and I'm going to be her god damn babysitter. Well, I stand before you all today and I can only say how very wrong I was. My wife was worried, that is until one night when we ran into Olivia and her then girlfriend at a restaurant in Queens. And as for being her babysitter, the first call we went on together the perp took a swing at her and she ducked it and then punched him so hard in the stomach he couldn't breathe. I realized then that I was going to be anything but a babysitter, if anything I had a thing or two to learn from her and I'm happy to say that I have. Over the years we have seen the worst that this world can offer and with our jobs we can't go home and tell our wives what we did at work that day; we had each other to talk to and that was always more than enough. Liv is my best friend and the closest thing I have to a little sister and all I have ever wanted is for her to be happy and hopefully one day find that person that can love her in a way that I can't and I'm pleased and proud to say that Alex is that person for her."

"In the academy we're taught that your partner is an extension of yourself, you have to move and work like one solid unit and after more than a decade of working together I think that Liv and I have done that. We anticipate each other's moves, we known how to play off each other and most importantly we know how the other one takes their coffee. Liv has always been a dreamer, always wanted the picture perfect family because she was denied it as a child. Well, I'm looking at her, her wife to be and her daughter and I've never seen anything so perfect in my life. To wrap up my little pre-wedding speech I would like to address each bride, but first I have something to saw to your daughter." Elliot turned to Hadassah, "you just won the mommy lottery sweetie. I've known both of these ladies for a long time and they have so much love to give. Liv always wanted to be a mother and when she met you, you were the gift she never thought she deserved. No one will love you more than these two ladies right there, just do me a favor, and make sure Liv eats breakfast cuz otherwise she is such a grouch in the morning." Haddie smiled and nodded her promise and Elliot turned toward Olivia and Alex. "To Alex let me say this, I've never seen Liv this happy ever and the kind of love you two have is the kind people wait lifetimes for, so I am beyond thankful that the two of you found each other. Liv can be a handful when she gets sick or hurt or worse when she thinks she's right, so anytime she gets to be too much you call me. And to my wonderful partner, I always thought you being a dreamer was going to get you burned because this world doesn't always give us what we want or what we deserve. But today I look at you and the life you have and I realize that every dream you ever had just came true and she is sitting right there next to you. So before I run out of things to say tomorrow, I propose a toast to my partner and her beautiful family; may every dream they have turn out as well as this one has, salud."

Elliot went over and gave each bride a big hug, but when Olivia hugged him he held on a little bit longer, both of them crying. Eventually, Elliot took his seat and the last person who had a speech to give got up on the stage. Soon Haddie was standing on that stage and she soon realize how many people were at her parent's wedding, but she quickly got over the stage fright and grabbed the mic.

"Hey every one, technically my real speech is tomorrow, tonight is more like my gift to my mothers. When I was 12 years old I taught myself how to play guitar and when I was adopted Olivia gave me first real guitar and told me that sometimes music was the best therapy and that it was sometimes the best way to get your feelings out. So music has been my hobby and my therapy, but tonight music is my gift to my parents, so as a pre wedding gift to them I learned a couple of new songs that I'm going to play for you now and I invite you all to get up on the dance floor and hopefully you all can enjoy these songs as much as I hope my mothers do."

Haddie handed the band a few pieces of paper and pulled the mic over to where her guitar sat. She picked up the guitar and tuned it before nodding to the band to start the first song and soon the teen was skillfully strumming the guitar and start to sing.

_Well, hurry up and kiss me  
I'm runnin' out the door  
Yeah, maybe later, baby  
We'll get a little more  
Time to take our time  
Time to burn just me and you_

This place is like a circus  
There's so much goin' on  
Blink your eye, snap your fingers  
We're here and then we're gone

Gonna do those things  
All those things we know we gotta do  
But, babe, I hope you know

Alex grabbed hold of Olivia's hand and the two headed to the dance floor and soon they were joined by a great many of their guests.__

No matter how far away  
How many nights, how many days  
Nothing's ever gonna break us in two

'Cause there's nothing strong enough  
There's no road long enough  
No matter where I go or what I do  
I'm still comin' home to you

I could be across the ocean  
Or driving down our street  
There's always something missing  
And missing you never gets easy  
But I'm always on my way

No matter how far away  
How many nights, how many days  
Nothing's ever gonna break us in two

'Cause there's nothing strong enough  
There's no road long enough  
No matter where I go or what I do  
I'm still comin' home to you  
I'm still comin' home to you

Even though the song wasn't a slow song Alex and Liv were dancing like it was with their foreheads lightly touching and every now and then stealing a kiss.__

No matter how far away  
How many nights, how many days

No matter how far away  
How many nights, how many days  
Nothing's ever gonna break us in two

'Cause there's nothing strong enough  
There's no road long enough  
No matter where I go or what I do  
I'm still comin' home to you, oh  
I'm still comin' home to you  
I'm still comin' home to you

Once the music died out the whole place went crazy with applause and whistling. Haddie caught Alex and Olivia's stare and both women had tears in their eyes and mouthed that the song was beautiful. Now that she was over her stage fright the next song came a little easier.

_Down a back road  
Long hot summer  
A couple kids running loose and wild_

He kissed her  
She said mister  
Take an inch and I'll give you a mile

I ain't here  
to do anything halfway  
Dont give a damn  
What anyone might say  
I just want to freefall  
for a while

That rebel moon is shining  
Those stars burn like diamonds  
Hell bent on chasing down  
That crazy spark  
I'll follow you where you're leading  
To the first sweet taste of freedom  
You got me running baby  
Wild at Heart

About Midnight  
He Tells Her  
I ain't got no come on lines

Well I love you  
Or I'll try to  
We got nothing to lose but time

Stick your hand into my back pocket  
Light me up like a bottle rocket  
I just want to freefall  
For a while

That rebel moon is shining  
Those stars burn like diamonds  
Hell bent on chasing down  
that crazy spark  
Ill follow you where you're leading  
To the first sweet taste of freedom  
You got me running baby  
Wild at heart

Oh oh  
Alright  
The night is telling us  
We're way to young  
Oh oh  
That's alright  
I've got forever  
On the tip of my tounge

That rebel moon is shining  
Those stars burn like diamonds  
Hell bent on chasing down  
that crazy spark  
I'll follow you where you're leading  
To the first sweet taste of freedom  
You got me running baby  
Wild at heart

That rebel moon is shining  
Those stars burn like diamonds  
Hell bent on chasing down  
that crazy spark  
I'll follow you where you're leading  
To the first sweet taste of freedom  
You got me running baby  
You got me running baby  
Wild at heart

Oh Oh  
Alright

The music stopped and once again the applause coming from the crowd was deafening. Haddie walked off the stage and was soon wrapped up in a hug between both her mothers. Alex momentarily left the hug and went up on the stage, "hey everyone, we really happy that you could all join us for this party and for our wedding tomorrow and so I hope you enjoy the dancing and the bar, but soon Olivia and I are going to have to cut out because we have a big day tomorrow, so once again thank you for coming and enjoy the party."

Both Liv and Alex stayed at the party for about an hour and they decided one more song before they went to bed. After the song was over they kissed each other and they would have stayed like that except their respective best friends pulled them apart insisting that they respect the rule of not seeing each other the night before the wedding. Elliot and Haddie went upstairs with Liv and a few minutes later they were followed by Alex, Liz and Serena. As she got settled in bed Olivia pulled out her phone and texted Alex.

_Hey baby, we're getting married tomorrow._

_**Thanks for the warning babe.**_

_Shut up, I just wanted to say goodnight and I love you._

_**I love you too babe.**_

_Goodnight Mrs. Benson-Cabot._

_**Goodnight Mrs. Benson-Cabot, try not to spill coffee on your dress in the morning.**_

_No promises. Night baby, I love you._

_**Love you more.**_

**You know what comes after this and the wedding chapter is almost done so be patient. Hope you liked this chapter and review for the next one.**


	4. I Think I Want To Marry You

**Sorry, writing the vows took a little longer than planned but here it is, the wedding…Enjoy and review.**

At 6am alarm clocks started going off in both suites. Alex had been awake for the better part of an hour and was already in the shower, but Olivia was having a little bit of trouble waking up. After hitting the snooze twice Haddie finally went into her mother's room to wake her up.

Gently shaking Olivia's shoulder Haddie tried to wake her up in a calm fashion, "Mom, mom come on wake up you have to get ready, remember your getting married today."

"Five more minutes."

"Remind me again which of us is the teenager and which is the parent."

"Fine you win I'm up."

"If you get in the shower now, I'll ask Uncle Elliot to make you coffee."

"Deal."

Haddie walked out of the room to give her mother privacy and walked into the kitchen where Elliot was busy making breakfast.

"Hey scooch your mom awake yet?"

"Yep just got in the shower."

"Good as soon as she is done you can have the shower next because you two have to meet with the hair and makeup people in an hour. Now we can't have our favorite bridesmaid walking down the aisle on an empty stomach so eat up." Elliot put a plate of pancakes, eggs and sausage in front of Haddie.

"Thanks Uncle Elliot. Don't you have to shower?"

"Already did, that way I can help your parents and you get ready and it shouldn't take me that long to throw on my dress blues."

"Does mom know you're wearing your uniform?"

"Nope she thinks that both Don and I are just wearing tuxedos, we thought we would surprise her, you think she'll like it." Haddie got down out of her chair and walked over to Elliot and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"I think she'll love it and I think you will look very handsome. Thanks for breakfast; I'm going to go make sure mom is done in her shower so I can hop in." Haddie scampered out of the room and a few moments later Olivia walked out of her room in shorts and a tshirt, her hair still wet from the shower.

"Hey partner, you get any sleep last night?"

"I finally took a sleeping pill after tossing and turning for a few hours. I got about 6 hours so I think I'll be ok. Now I was promised coffee and I smell food so let's cut the small talk and eat."

"This is your last breakfast as a single woman, how's it feel?"

"I can't wait for it to be my first breakfast as a married woman."

"If you're not careful your face is going to break from smiling so much."

"I can't help it, I've never been this happy."

"I'm glad that you are happy." Elliot grabbed his coffee, kissed Olivia on the top of her head and walked into his room. "The hair people will be here in an hour so make sure your ready for them and the limo for us will be here at 10, the dresses are already at the church and Munch called and said they are all done with the decorations."

Olivia smiled, "has anyone ever told you that you would make a great girl?"

"Shut up, just because I am organized doesn't mean I would make a good girl."

"Fine, but maybe instead of being my best man you should be my maid of honor."

"If this wasn't your wedding day you would be in so much trouble. Now I am going to make sure my clothes are ready to go and finish getting ready, eat that food in front of you, I don't want you fainting."

"Why not, did you bet on Alex fainting?"

"Shut up and eat." Olivia finished her food and went back into her room where Haddie had just finished throwing on a pair of jeans and a tank top.

"Honey you ready for the hair and makeup people?"

"Yep I just need to grab my makeup."

Olivia looked confused, "honey they're bringing the makeup, why do you need yours?"

Haddie tried to put what she said next delicately, "I know that mom; I meant I needed to put makeup on my arms before they get here."

Olivia now understood what her daughter meant and felt a little stupid for forgetting that the bridesmaid dress that Haddie was going to be wearing reviled most of the scars on her forearms. "You need any help putting it on sweetie?"

Haddie smiled, "no I got it, hey mom?"

"Yeah honey."

"I'm sorry." There were visible tears in the teens eyes that caused Olivia concern so she walked over to her daughter and pulled her into a hug.

"Why on earth are you sorry?"

"That I have scars to cover up."

"Hey look at me. You don't ever have to apologize for that ok, you're getting better and getting help and that is what matters to me ok. Honey we all have secrets and we all have scars. I mean look at your mother and me we have GSW scars so if people are going to be talking about anyone's scars today it's going to be ours. Besides honey, scars aren't always a bad thing; they show that you survived something. 'Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."

"You need to stop reading those quote books."

"And you need to finish getting ready because I think I hear the hair and makeup people." Olivia and Haddie met with the stylists and started getting reading. Elliot was starting to get ready when Olivia asked him to go check on Alex. Moments later he was in front of Alex's door in a tshirt and boxer shorts. Liz let him in, "I would have pegged you for a briefs over boxers man detective. Alexandra is just finishing up her makeup."

Elliot walked into the bedroom where Alex, Liz and Serena were having their hair and makeup done. "Did my fiancé send you over here to spy on me Elliot?"

"Of course not, she just wanted me to make sure you guys were on schedule."

"Well, as soon as makeup is done we will be ready to go; are the dresses at the church?"

"Yep, dresses, flowers and everything else are all set."

"You planning on walking her down the aisle in your boxers Elliot?"

"Cute Alex, no my dress uniform is at the church along with Don's and JR's." The conversation was cut short by Alex's phone ringing. "Elliot can you grab that."

Elliot grabbed the phone, "Alexandra Cabot's phone." Elliot quickly turned a weird shade of red. "Alex it's your mother."

Without missing a beat Alex turned to Elliot and said, "hang up." Elliot hung up the phone as Alex had instructed him.

"Elliot do me a favor, remove the sim card from that phone and toss it. I'll get a new number when we get back from the honeymoon. This does bring up a new problem."

"Which is?"

"How tight is security at the wedding?"

"Two armed escorts at every entrance, there is a perimeter around the block and you have every cop from Manhattan in the church itself."

"Good, circulate my mother's name and photo; I do not want her getting into to that church, understood."

"You got it Alex. And Alex, just relax ok, worse comes to worse, Liv and I will both be armed and JR and I will both have swords, I'll keep my girls safe." And with that he kissed the top of Alex's head and started out the room. "See you at the end of the aisle Alex."

Serena was the first to talk, "you don't think that your mom would really show up do you?"

"If she does, I'll shoot her myself." Neither Liz or Serena doubted the sincerity in her comment, so they dropped the subject and soon everyone was done with hair and makeup. Elliot had just called Serena and told her that they had just left so the limo for them should be coming soon.

"Ok, Serena check list."

"Shoes."

"Got them."

"Jewelry."

"Got it."

"Copy of vows."

"Got it."

"Dresses, flowers and touch up makeup are all at the church so we are ready to go."

"Then lets hit it." The ladies made their way down stairs and into their limo and soon they were off to the church.

Each bride got settled in their dressing rooms and with a little help from their friends (and a glass of champagne) they were both able to calm down and relax. Elliot, JR, Munch, Don and Fin all got ready and truth be told they all looked very handsome in their respective dress uniforms. Once they were dressed they set out to help in any way they could by either greeting guests, running between brides or simply trying to make sure that everyone was on schedule. About 30 min before the ceremony started Haddie was walking back and forth between her mothers' dressing rooms. She went to go check on Alex first, mostly because Olivia had asked her to. She walked into her suite and when she saw it empty she called out for her mother, "Mom."

"I'll be right there honey." Minutes later Alex came out from behind the screen wearing her wedding dress. Haddie was shell shocked; she hadn't seen either of the gowns her mothers planned on wearing so seeing Alex in her's was a humbling experience.

"Wow, mom you look amazing."

"I clean up pretty good huh."

"You look beautiful."

"So do you, come here." Alex took her daughter's hand and led her to the full length mirrors. Alex wrapped her arms around her daughter and the two just stood there for a moment, the photographer took a few candid shots and then left the room.

"You ready to be a married lady?"

"I am more than ready. Are you ready to have to finally make this family rock solid?"

"Well, I hope so otherwise I got all dressed up for nothing." Haddie gave Alex another hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "thank you."

"For what, what did I do?"

"You guys gave me something I never thought I would have; you gave me a family and one that loves me at that. I never had that before; you gave me the one thing I always wanted, but never could have. I'm just happy that now you guys get the happy ending that you always wanted and that I get to be a part of it."

Trying to fight back tears, Alex hugged her daughter closer to her, "listen to me ok, our lives were missing something and when we meet you, you were that something. You made our family better by joining it. We both love you a lot you know that."

"You may have mentioned it once or twice. Before you start to cry I'm going to go check on mom." Haddie quickly ran out the door, but there was soon another knock.

"Come in."

Elliot wanted to make sure Alex was dressed so he announced himself, "man entering the room."

"It's fine Elliot. Come in." Elliot stepped inside the suite and was rendered speechless by how beautiful Alex looked in her dress. He just stood there for a minute and finally Alex had to snap him out of his trance.

"Well, what do you think?"

"You look beautiful, really amazing Alex."

"You look pretty sharp yourself detective, does Liv know your wearing you dress blues?"

"Not yet I want to surprise her. Look Alex I'm not going to take up a lot of your time and I just want to say this once, I love that woman your about to marry more than anything and would do anything for her even if it cost me my life. You deserve each other so be happy and for your own safety remember that she takes her coffee with two sugars no cream." Elliot was trying to hide the tears in his eyes, but his voice breaking gave it away.

Alex went over to Elliot and hugged him tightly to her, "I know how much you love her, and I'm going to take good care of her." After a few moments of silence Alex let go, "if we don't stop this I'm going to have to redo my makeup."

"Heaven forbid. I'm going to go check on Liv, make sure everything is ok." Elliot walked across the church and stood next to JR outside of Liv's dressing room. The two of them standing there in their Marine uniforms you would have thought they were guarding Olivia, which in a sense maybe they were. About 15 min before the ceremony was set to begin Liz started walking toward Olivia's suite with Lena Petrovsky in toe. Upon seeing the two women approach both Elliot and JR quickly snapped to attention.

A little shocked at the sight, Liz smiled, "at ease boys, we just want to talk to her." Elliot nodded to JR and JR then knocked twice on the door, "Ms. Benson you have two guests."

"Send them in JR." JR opened the door and as soon as the two women were inside he promptly closed it.

Olivia was putting the finishing touches on her dress and her hair when she looked up to see two very familiar faces. "Your honors, what can I help you with today?"

Lena spoke up first, "relax detective we aren't going to take up much of your time as we know that you have something rather important to tend to, but I asked Liz to bring me in here to give you my personal congratulations."

"Your honor, forgive me, but I was under the impression that you didn't like Alex."

"Olivia please, I've known that child as long as Liz has, I love her, but you know as well as I do that she can push the envelope sometimes. I don't let her get away with it because I know she is better than that, she has all the potential in the world and I will not let her waste it cutting corners or bending the law. Olivia that girl is the spitting image of her father; blonde hair, blue eyes, strong heart and a damn fine lawyer. Alexander would have been pleased and proud to have you as a daughter in law. I just wanted you give my personal congratulations before you married Alexandra."

"I appreciate the sentiment your honor and I promise you, I'll take care of her and I will try my best to keep her grounded."

"Good luck with that detective." Both women turned to leave when Lena turned around, "be happy Olivia, you both deserve it. Now we better go before your protective detail gets anxious." Both women left Olivia alone in the suite giving the woman the last ten minutes to simply take in the fact that in a matter of moments she was going to marry Alexandra Cabot.

At the same time across the hall, Kim knocked on her sister's door and walked in to find Alex simply staring at the mirror with a faraway look in her eye.

"Alex." Her sister's voice shocked her back into reality, "Yeah."

"Honey they are seating everyone so things are going to start up soon and I wanted to give you this." Kim handed Alex a envelope, "you may want to have the makeup lady on hand."

"Why?"

"Look at the handwriting Alex." Alex looked down and saw that the writing was that of her father.

"He told me that on the day you got married to give that to you before the ceremony started. I'm going to go get the touch up makeup for you." Her sister left the room, leaving Alex to read the letter in private. Alex sat down on the couch and started to read the letter that her father clearly wrote on the eve of his death.

_My dearest Alexandra,_

_If you're reading this letter it means that today is your wedding day and I have no doubt you are the most beautiful bride. If you're reading this it also means I am not there with you to celebrate in your love with you and for that I am sorry. I always dreamed of your wedding day and how beautiful you would look and how proud I would be walking you down the aisle to your soon to be wife. Who you loved never made any difference to me, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and find true peace in a partner and today it seems you have found both. Do not cry because I am not there because I am, my spirit will fill that church and you will know that I'm right there with you. Even though I can't walk you down the aisle, keep this letter close at hand I will be with you wherever you go today. I hope your wedding is a happy day, you're still my princess and your wedding should be everything you ever dreamed. Be happy in your new life and family and remember; you have my temper so watch out for outbursts that will get you into trouble with your new bride, remember that each day is a gift and lastly remember that I love you and I carry you forever in my heart. Love isn't two hearts beating for each other it is two hearts beating as one._

_Congratulations Princess. All my love, Dad_

Alex clutched the letter to her chest and quietly cried. Kim was right to bring the makeup lady back with her as Alex's tears had caused some of the makeup to run, but with a little help from waterproof mascara Alex was good to go in a matter of minutes. Kim knelt down by her sister, "hey you ok?"

"I miss him Kim."

"I know you do baby, I do too, but he would want you to be happy and he wouldn't want you to be late for your own wedding."

Alex smiled and stood up and tucked the letter in her bouquet. "Ok, how do I look?"

"Like you're ready to get married. I'll give the band the queue."

Outside of the suite, at the doors of the church the bridesmaids and best men were lined up ready to start the procession. Liz and Bill waited on one side for Alex while Elliot and Don waited on the other for Liv. The Wedding March music started up and the doors slowly opened and the party started to make its way down their aisle slowly. About half way through the song Alex was ushered out of the suite and was soon standing dead center in front of the door. The door closed for a moment while the music finished up and allowed everyone to get into position. Liz smiled at from where she was standing and mouthed to Alex that she looked beautiful. Soon the music started up again, Alex and Olivia picked something a little less traditional to walk down the aisle to. The church doors opened as Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This" began to play. Alex took one step forward and soon Liz was on her right arm and her uncle was holding onto her left. As Alex walked into the church everyone stood and as she walked slowly down the aisle people smiled and whispered how breath-taking she looked. After what seemed like a very long walk Alex finally arrived at the end of the aisle; Bill gave her a kiss on the cheek and Liz gave her a hug before taking their respective seats. In the back of the church the doors were again closed while Olivia got into place. Elliot and Don stood waiting for her as she exited her suite and walked over to them. Both men were floored by how beautiful Olivia looked in her dress.

"Liv you look breath-taking."

Olivia smiled and kissed Elliot on the cheek, "you clean up pretty good yourself El. You two trying to upstage me wearing your dress uniforms."

"Wouldn't dream of it, now if you would kindly take my arm I think there is a certain blue eyed blonde that is waiting for you at the end of that aisle." Olivia took Elliot and Don's arm as the doors opened for the final time. Alex turned around and started to tear up just by looking at Olivia walk towards her; she looked beautiful nestled in between Elliot in his Marine dress blues and Don in his NYPD dress blues. Both men had a stoic expression on their face, but the tears in their eyes betrayed them. When they reached the end of the aisle Don pulled Olivia into a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, he turned to Alex and quietly told her to watch out for his little girl and after giving Alex a quick kiss he took his seat. Elliot gave Olivia a hug and pulled her in close, "be happy and take care of each other." He turned to Alex and repeated the action but instead told her, "take good care of her." Alex smiled and Elliot took her hand and placed it on top of Olivia's and then he slipped into the spot behind Olivia and the ceremony began.

The pastor stepped forward and welcomed the group and started to read some kind of a blessing, but whatever it was it was lost on Alex. She was lost in her own thoughts starring at Olivia who was listening intently to the blessing. Alex's thoughts got away from her and soon she was day dreaming about what would come after the wedding; the reception, the honeymoon, going back to work, maybe moving into a bigger place a house maybe, having more children, Haddie going off to college. Alex was only snapped back to reality when she heard name being called several times. The third time she heard her name she panicked and blurted out, "I do." Everyone including Olivia and the pastor chuckled. Olivia leaned over and whispered, "he was inviting you to read your vows babe, glad to see your paying attention."

Alex blushed and franticly searched for a copy of her vows only to have Serena tap her on the shoulder and hand her the paper with her vows written on it. Alex smiled and turned back toward Olivia before she began

"People are quick to dismiss love at first sight; they say it doesn't exist and I'm inclined to believe them. To say that I fell in love with Olivia the first moment I saw her would imply that her beauty is the only thing that drew me to her and while she is stunning, her beauty is not what I fell in love with, I fell in love with her, all of her. When I heard her talk about a case with so much passion she was almost in tears, when I heard her talk about how long she and Elliot had been partners I was impressed by her dedication to her job and her friends and when she argued about some political issue I was impressed by her conviction. Love at first sight diminishes our relationship to a brief glance, when the truth is I fell in love with Olivia the moment she opened her mouth and spoke. I really did fall in love with her personality and every day since I have found myself falling farther and farther in love with her and I can't get over the fact that today I get to marry the person I love most in this world. Last night Serena mentioned that growing up my future was something akin to a fairytale, but today I look around I think my reality just kicked the crap out of my fairytale dream. Because the reality of my life is, I have the job I have always wanted, amazing friends, a wonderful daughter and now I'm going to have an amazing wife. Olivia is the most wonderful, caring, sensitive person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and I hope she knows what she is getting herself into by marrying me." Alex finally threw the paper to the floor and looked up to find that Olivia had tears in her eyes just like Alex did.

"No one has ever loved me like you have and no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel, no one has been able to handle me and my craziness and my family, no but you. I realized that all these years I've been searching for someone, trying in every relationship I had to find the person that make me feel safe and loved and complete. It never worked with any of those other people because I was always meant to find you, to love you, to marry you. You are the part of me that was missing and now that I have you I have no intention of ever letting you go. Albert Shweitzer says that in everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. Thank you, for lighting that fire again."

When Alex stopped talking she had tears freely flowing down her face and so did Olivia. Alex dabbed her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup and when Olivia had done the same it was now her turn to speak. She turned to Elliot who handed her a folded up piece of paper and she began to read.

"Alex growing up I dreamt of what my life would be like and like most little kids my dreams always seemed to be just beyond my reach. I let go of so many dreams because I thought they would never come true and one of them was finding someone to spend my life with. But then the day I met you I realized that that dream never really died, that I still wanted that happy ending and today I final get it. You made my childhood dream come true and today you and I are turning that dream into a reality. Every day I wake up and see you next to me I fall more in love with you and every day I find something new to love about you, today I love that you are my wife and that means more to me than anything else. You make it so easy to love you, even when you're being difficult. Because of you we have this amazing life and an amazing daughter to share it with. In my wildest dreams I never thought I could be this happy or fell so loved, but having you in my life makes all my dreams come true. You know how to calm me down, you know how to make me laugh, you know how to make me cry and you make want to be the best person because you deserve the best. Today it is my greatest honor to get to say that when we walk out of here today you will be my wife, to be able to say that every holiday, every anniversary, birthday and everything in between you will be by my side. This ring that I get to give you today symbolizes my past, present and future and all of it is yours."

Alex was at that moment very thankful they didn't put on lower eye makeup. She squeezed Olivia's hand and shot her a soft smile. They turned to the pastor and he continued with the ceremony.

"Olivia Benson, do you take Alexandra Cabot to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Alexandra Cabot, do you take Olivia Benson to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do."

"May we have the rings please?" Elliot handed Olivia Alex's ring and Serena handed Alex Olivia's.

"Olivia as you place this ring on Alex's finger, repeat after me." Olivia took Alex's hand in her own and tried to focus on the pastor words as she slid the ring onto Alex's finger.

"_All that I am and all that I have, I offer to you in love and in joy."_

"_**All that I am and all that I have, I offer to you in love and in joy."**_

"_From this day forward I will love and comfort you, hold you close,"  
__**"From this day forward I will love and comfort you, hold you close,"  
**_

"_prize you above all others,"  
__**"prize you above all others,"**_

"_and remain faithful to you all the days of our lives."_

"_**and remain faithful to you all the days of our lives."**_

As she spoke the last word the ring was secured on Alex's hand and Olivia kissed the back of her hand before letting it go. Alex repeated this action in giving Olivia her ring.

"Well then ladies that's that, by the power vested in me by the common wealth of Massachusetts I know pronounce you married, you may kiss your respective bride." Both Olivia and Alex had tuned out by that point and only heard the word kiss and that was enough for them. Olivia pulled Alex close to her and quickly brought their lips crashing together is a kiss that could be considered mildly inappropriate for a chapel, but no one cared least of all the two of them. The whole congregation erupted in applause and whistles, there was not a dry eye in the whole place and even Elliot found it impossible to hold back his tears. When they broke apart the turned to the congregation and the pastor spoke one more time.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you Mrs. Alexandra Benson-Cabot and Mrs. Olivia Benson-Cabot." As they walked down the aisle and out the door everyone continued to cheer and shoot out their congratulations. As they reached the back of the chapel Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex's cheek.

"We did it, we're married. You feel any different?"

Alex kissed her back and smiled wide, "I feel completely and deliriously happy, so no, no different than how you always make me feel."

**Next chapter is the reception so that should be fun. I have had people request two different types of honeymoons; one with just the two of them and one with a family vacation. I have no preference so tell me what you would like to see and you all know the drill, review for the next chapter. Thanks.**


	5. Is It That Look In Your Eyes

**Sorry for the insanely long wait you guys, but life has been super busy. Most of you guys voted for a honeymoon with just Alex and Liv and then a family one later, so I'll work on that.**

Everyone had made their way over to the reception hall and had been enjoying the open bar and food that was laid out before dinner. Olivia and Alex's limo had just pulled in out front and for a few moments they both just sat there.

"You know eventually we have to go inside or they'll think we ran away to our honeymoon early." Olivia turned to Alex and gestured to the building.

Alex sighed deeply, "I know, but I just want one more minute of peace alone with you before we get sucked into that insane party."

"Then one more minute of peace it is then." Olivia sat there with her arms wrapped around Alex until finally they decided to go in. They walked to the entrance of the ballroom and the DJ was given the signal to introduce them. The music was dulled so that it was humming through the speakers softly then the DJ directed everyone attention toward the front doors.

"Ladies and Gentlemen may I direct your attention to the double doors in the front and please help me in welcoming the new happy couple Alexandra and Olivia Benson-Cabot." The doors slowly and Alex and Liv walked in to the ballroom full of people clapping and whistling. As they made their way through the massive group of people offering their congratulations they eventually made their way to the wedding party table and settled into the two seats in the center. Once again the music faded out as Kim took the microphone from the DJ.

"Hey there everyone. Since Serena spoke yesterday Alex asked me to give a short little speech today and I couldn't deny her that. I know Alex probably better than most of the people in this room and because of that I feel like I have the right to tell several embarrassing stories about her, but out of the kindness of my heart I won't. I say this however, Alex I lived in the same house for all our lives so that means I met every single stupid boyfriend she dragged in over the years. This of course means I saw ever break up and after three boyfriends in one month I thought to myself when is she going to figure it out and find that person she's meant to be with. I look at her today and I can't put into words how glad I am that she finally found that person in Olivia. I look at the woman that my sister has married and something strikes me as odd; she has chosen to marry a Cabot. My husband can tell you we are not easy women to live with; we're loud, demanding, unreasonable and sometimes we are just downright ridiculous and yet here we are today adding another member to that crazy group of people I call family. Most siblings have to worry that their sister is being taken care of by someone that loves them; I never have to worry about that with Alex. Olivia has time and time again proved just how much she loves my sister; she's taken not one but two bullets for Alex, she has spent several holidays with the entire Cabot clan and started a family with my sister. Today I'm pleased and honored to welcome Olivia officially into our family." Kim turned toward the couple, "Olivia I've never seen Lexi this happy and I can see how much you love her because every time you look at her you have this glint in your eye like she is the most perfect thing you've ever seen. I'd like to propose a toast to my baby sister and her new family, may they know true peace now that they have found each other." Everyone raised their glasses and toasted the couple. Kim went over and gave Alex and Olivia both a hug before taking her seat next to Haddie.

Haddie quickly stood up and took her aunt's place on the stage and fumbled with the microphone before speaking into it, "I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to follow that but I'll try. Most kids can't say they were at their parent's wedding, but I'm kind of glad that I get that rare opportunity because this gives me a new opportunity to learn more about my mothers. I've only been with them for a short time, but in that time they have adopted me and given the thing I wanted so desperately, they gave me a family; a loud, crazy, possibly alcoholic, loving family. While I've only been a member of this family for about a year I've realized that my mothers are really awesome people. I know their jobs are cool and that they get to help people, but what people forget is that their jobs change lives, they save people and make this world a much better place for the rest of us. Their co-workers are family to them and the bond that they share is truly inspirational and beautiful. When I say that my mother change and save lives I really do mean it because without them I would not be here today. Even before I was legally theirs they treated me like I was their own flesh and blood and that is a true testament to who they are as people. While I may still be learning about my mothers, I do know one thing, they love each other so much it's gross. Uncle Elliot said that if mom had just listened to him, she, and I quote, "could have had Alex ages ago, but no you had to go pretend like you didn't like her." Olivia shot Elliot a glare, but funnily enough Elliot suddenly found his shoe very interesting.

"Anyway, I look at my parents and the love that they have for each other and I hope that one day I can say that I've found that. I want someone to look at me the same way mom looks a mama, I want someone to remind me to lock the door before we go to sleep, I want someone to leave me notes on the bathroom mirror in the morning that just say I love you, your beautiful. Prior to living with them I had no idea that kind of love existed outside of fairytales; the kind of love that seems so perfect that it seems as if it's a dream. I'm so happy to say that this isn't a dream it's really life and I get to come home everyday to two people who love me and love each other and for me that is my wildest dreams come true. So even though I can only toast with super lame sparkling cider, I would like to propose a toast to my mothers, you've given me everything I ever wanted and things I could only have dreamt of and so today I hope that you can look at the woman sitting next to you and say that she too has given you everything you wanted and things you could only have dreamt of. To my mothers, may this day be the physical manifestation of their wildest dreams." Alex and Olivia both had tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall but all resolve was lost when the hugged their daughter. Once the trio got settled and the food was served everyone started to talk and soon the ballroom was full of chatter and music.

After everyone was done eating the DJ once again softened the music, "ladies and gentlemen at this time we will be starting the first dance, so if I can get the two brides down on the floor I will hand things off to the best man." He handed the microphone to Elliot and soon his booming voice could be heard over the crowd, "I hope everyone is having a good time so far and we all know the food was amazing, but I was asked by my partner to introduce the first dance which I was honored to do, but what Liv didn't know was that I had a surprise in store for her and Alex. So without further ado, the first dance of Olivia and Alexandra Benson-Cabot." Both Liv and Alex looked both shocked and little wary as to what Elliot had in mind, but they slowly made their way to the dance floor as the music started to play. When the lyrics we set to start both women realized what Elliot had done, he wasn't going to let some CD play their first song; he was going to sing it.

_Time after time  
I tell myself that I'm  
So lucky to be loving you_

So lucky to be  
The one you run to see  
In the evening, when the day is through

As the women swayed they rested on each other's forehead and after grabbing the photographers camera Elliot snapped the perfect candid shot; they literally didn't care who was watching, they were in their own world with each other. He handed the camera back and continued to sing which became harder to do as his voice started to break in the final verse.

_I only know what I know  
The passing years will show  
You've kept my love so young, so new_

_And time after time  
You'll hear me say that I'm  
So lucky to be loving you _

When the music had died out the thunderous applause that broke out was only added too when Elliot hopped down from the stage and wrapped Olivia up in a hug. Alex stood aside and let them have that moment, just the two of them. Elliot pulled away and placed a kiss on the top of Olivia head just below her hairline, "you didn't think I'd let a CD play your first song did you, you deserve the best so I practiced my Sinatra, not bad huh?"

Olivia brushed the last few stray tears away, "not bad at all." Olivia gave Elliot one last hug and then Alex did the same before the microphone had once again found its way to another person. Joshua was standing on the stage with Haddie next to him with her guitar in hand and without a word spoken the two launched into the song.

_To see your face, to hear your voice  
And oh, to touch you is a dream come true  
So I'm standing here, with my hand held out  
Knowing that your love will never fade, I stand amazed without a doubt_

And I wanna hear your voice, in the morning when I rise  
I think I know I'm just a normal man, only made of sand except when you're by my side  
Will you love me, teach me, don't leave me I pray  
And when I, and I'm thinking of the times  
Your hands in mine, together we will stay  
You made me better today  
Better than I was before  
And now my heart can rest and I will search no more  
You made me better today, today, today  


_My heart has wings  
Oh you take me away  
And every prayer I've ever prayed was answered today  
So I'm standfing here, with my hand held out  
Knowing that my love will never leave  
My hearts on my sleeve and now I believe_

And I wanna hear your voice in the morning when I rise  
I think I know I'm just a normal man, only made of sand except when you're by my side  
Will you love me, teach me, don't leave me I pray  
And when I, and I'm thinking of the times  
Your hands in mine, together we will stay  
You made me better today  
Better than I was before  
And now my heart can rest and I will search no more  
You made me better today

I stand proclaimed, true love is here to stay  
I stand proclaimed, forever starts today  
Today...  
You made me better today  
Than I was before  
And now my heart can rest and I will search no more  
Cuz you made me better today, than I was before  
And now my heart can rest  
And I will search no more  
You made me better today  
Today...  
Made me better today.

Everyone was basically on the dance floor and when the music died out the cheering was deafening. Olivia and Alex gave their daughter a hug and thanked Joshua for sing and the boy explained it was his gift to them. The last songs that were planned were finally up and so when Liz took the microphone no one was surprised

"Well everyone I know no one wants to hear me talk so I'll be brief. The father-daughter dance has always been a beautiful moment, but today the men dancing with these lovely ladies are not their fathers though I know Alexander would have been thrilled to have been here if he could. So this is more of a father figure-daughter dance so just roll with it." When Liz put the mic down the music played softly through the speakers. Don walked over to Olivia and offered her his hand while Bill did the same thing with his niece.

_Look at the two of you dancing that way  
Lost in the moment and each others face  
So much in love your alone in this place  
Like there's nobody else in the world  
I was enough for her not long ago  
I was her number one  
She told me so  
And she still means the world to me  
Just so you know  
So be careful when you hold my girl  
Time changes everything  
Life must go on  
And I'm not gonna stand in your way_

But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But it still hard to give her away  
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you  
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew  
The one that I read all those fairy tales to  
And tucked into bed all those nights  
And I knew the first time I saw you with her  
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But its still hard to give her away  
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
Someday you might know what I'm going through  
When a miracle smiles up at you  
I loved her first

Each man gave their respective daughter a kiss and took their seats. Music continued to play and the party went on for several hours. Eventually the brides started to say their goodbyes because they only had the hall booked till midnight and it was well after 1. Before everyone started to leave Liz took the mic one last time.

"Everyone I like to say one last thing before you all leave tonight. Alex and Olivia had planned their own honeymoon and insisted that it be a short one so that it would be affordable and that they could come home sooner. Well I couldn't agree more, but I still have a gift for them from myself, Alex's family and the SVU squad." Alex and Olivia shared a confused look but went up to the stage where Liz handed them and envelope. When Alec opened it and scanned the contexts she dropped the mic. Olivia picked up the mic and with a tear in her eye turned to Liz, "we can't accept this Liz it's too much."

"Like hell you can't accept it, it's a gift, take it and enjoy it. You only get married once detective, enjoy it." Olivia handed Alex the mic and grabbed Liz in a bone crushing hug which was the only way she could think of thanking the woman for the gift she had in her hand which included two first class plane tickets to Paris and a two week stay in a four star hotel in the city. As people started to leave Alex and Olivia went and thanked their family and friend for their gift. As Alex was saying goodbye to her sister Olivia tapped her shoulder, "come on baby we have plane to catch."

**Sorry for the wait, hope it was worth it. Finals are coming up so I don't know when I can update again, but I will try to before summer vacation. Review for more and hope it was worth the wait.**


	6. Or Is It This Dancing Juice?

**Sorry for the month long wait you guys, the end of school was kicking my ass, but I survived and I'm all registered for the GRE and my senior year classes. Hope this makes up for it. This chapter does have sex in it so beware of that; next chapter will focus on what Haddie is doing while her mothers are away. Enjoy.**

The sun poked through the shutters and settled on the bed and caused Alex to shift and try to turn away from the offending light. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up in bed with the sheet still wrapped around her chest. Alex looked over and saw that her wife was still blissfully unaware that it was morning. Alex smiled and chuckled softly, the thought of Olivia being her wife, of finally being her's made her happier than she thought possible. Alex glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost noon; when they had arrived the day before both women were exhausted from the traveling, but that was made more severe when they didn't get to sleep until late, I mean it was their wedding night after all. Alex hopped in the shower and got dressed and ready for the day. Once she was done she climbed back into the mess of covers and blankets and kissed Olivia's cheek.

"Baby, come on its time to get up." Olivia grumbled something and threw the pillow over her head.

"Fine, I'll just have to find some other hot American cop to have lunch with and maybe someone else to have awesome, mind blowing sex with." Olivia finally perked up slightly, "are we going to have sex right now?"

"No."

"Then I'm still sleeping." Alex grabbed the pillow and threw it on the floor and finally Olivia rolled over so that she was looking Alex in the eye. "Fine I'm awake."

"Yes you are, now come on I'm hungry, let's go get lunch."

"What happened to breakfast?"

"We slept through it my love, now come on, go shower and then we are going to go get some food and hit the town."

"You know most people find it perfectly acceptable to stay in bed for their honeymoon."

"Most people aren't in Paris for two weeks, with most of their stuff paid for, come on you've never been here and two weeks is going to pass by like that." Alex snapped her fingers for effect. Olivia rolled out of bed then got into the shower while Alex mapped out their day. Eventually both women were ready to head out and just before they left Olivia went over to the front desk and had a brief conversation with the person behind the desk. Once they stepped outside the doorman hailed a cab and Olivia told the driver something in French and they were off. The driver pulled up outside a small café and Olivia handed him the fare and helped Alex out of the car.

They got seated in front of one of the windows that wrapped around the restaurant giving them a perfect view to people watch. After they ordered Alex took out the tour brochures and they planned out their trip. By the time the food got to them they had made a list of museums they wanted to see and tours they wanted to take part in. They ate quickly and ventured out into the busy Paris streets.

The weather was beautiful but cold so despite looking like tourists both ladies bought a Paris beanie to try to keep warm. They got on the metro train and took it until they got to the Eiffel Tower. They spent a few hours just taking pictures in front of the impressive structure and even managed to get a few of the two of them together. They walked around the area for a while and even took a ride on the carousal across the street. When it finally got dark and the black night sky was offset by the soft yellow glow of the lights the lined the tower the ladies took a few more pictures and then Alex pointed out that they should get in line. After at least an hour of standing in line Olivia and Alex joined several other people in squeezing into the elevator that rode one of the four legs of the tower. They exited that elevator to then get in yet another line to go up the center elevator that would take them up to the top. When they finally got there it was pitch black outside and it had gotten a little bit colder, but neither of them seemed to mind. They took some pictures from the observation deck and then just stood there taking in the sight. Alex leaned back and Olivia wrapped her arms around her and they stayed like that, cuddling with each other for what seemed like a short time but was in reality almost half an hour.

Olivia leaned in and gave Alex a quick kiss, "I think we should head back down, I'm starting to freeze." Alex nodded and kissed her back before they made their way back to the elevator. After grabbing a crêpe from a cart vendor they got back on the Metro and made their way back to the hotel for the night. Olivia opened the door to their suite and held the door open for Alex. Once they were both inside they collapsed onto the couch and flipped on the TV. Alex was snuggled into Olivia's side while Olivia had her arm loosely draped around her wife's shoulder. After a few moments of silence Alex got up from the couch, "I'm going to go call Elliot and check on Haddie." Olivia got up and followed her wanting to talk to her daughter just as much as Alex did. The phone rang a few times before a voice answered.

"Stabler residence."

"Hey Kathy its Alex."

"Well well well, if it isn't our European lovebirds calling to say hello to those they left behind. How's Paris, are you two having a good time?

"It's wonderful Kathy and even though we've only been here a day we have been having a great time."

"Have you seen anything other than the inside of the hotel suite?"

"Funny Kathy, yes we went out today a saw a couple of things and planned out our museum trips."

"Well, don't spend too much time outside the room; it is your honeymoon after all."

"Kathy I assure you, fun will be had in and out of this suite." Olivia laughed at the banter between the two women. "Now Kathy, not that I don't love talking about my sex life, but is my daughter about that I might speak with her?"

"Sure thing honey, she's outside with the rest of them, hold on I'll get her." The line went quiet for a few moments before Alex heard another voice ring through, "hi mom."

"Hi baby, how are you doing, are you being good for Elliot and Kathy?"

"Yes ma'am and I'm fine we've been hanging out outside because for once the weather has been nice enough to enjoy the sun."

"Lucky, its freezing here." Olivia was growing impatient and decided to be mean and try to distract her wife. She snuck up behind Alex and kissed the base of her neck and whispered in her free ear, "I have one way to warm you up." Alex literally went weak in the knees and had to brace herself against the table in front of her while Olivia kept the assault on her neck going, making the phone call with her daughter very hard to concentrate on. Haddie had just finished telling Alex what her plans were for the rest of the time they were going to be gone.

"That's great honey, you want to say hi to your mama?"

"Sure."

Alex smirked as she handed the phone to Olivia, "hi Haddie." Alex took this moment to exact her revenge and mimicked Olivia's actions causing Olivia's voice to waver slightly.

"Uh huh, s…s…sure you can go to the movie with Maureen and Kathleen, just makes sure it's an appropriate movie ok. Ok, sweetie can you put Elliot on the phone. I love you too sweetie, I will tell her you said goodnight." The line was quiet again and Alex had started unbuttoning Olivia shirt, not moving from her place on Olivia's neck.

"Hey there partner, how goes the honeymoon?" For whatever reason Alex picked that moment to bite down on Olivia's neck and apparently that action was all it took to make Olivia lose all control over what came out of her mouth.

"Honeymoon good…pretty lights….big tower." Alex smirked, knowing that she had totally won this round. Elliot started laughing on the other end of the phone, "well, I'm going to leave you two horny teenagers to it, your kid will be in once piece when you come home. Bye Liv."

Olivia didn't even bother saying goodbye; she threw Alex's phone over her shoulder and brought Alex's head up so that they were eye level. She pulled Alex close to her and kissed her hard, quickly plunging her tongue into Alex's mouth. Alex worked the last button open and let Olivia's shirt fall to the floor. During their make out session Olivia had managed to walk Alex back into the bedroom and eventually got Alex on the bed with herself on top. In one swift motion Olivia grabbed both of Alex's wrists and held them above her head, effectively pinning Alex to the bed.

"Payback is such a bitch." Alex cracked a smile, she loved it when Liv got graphic when they were in bed, it always had a very pleasant outcome. Alex squirmed underneath Liv trying to break free from her grip, but Olivia had plans and none of them involved Alex moving from where she was.

"We're gonna play a game." Olivia whispered into Alex's ear just before she nipped at her ear lobe.

"What kind of game?"

"The kind of game where you keep your hands above your head and you aren't allowed to touch me, but I get to touch you everywhere." Olivia pulled Alex shirt up over her head, but quickly put her arms back above her head.

"Sounds like you're the only one who can win this game, what do I get out of it?"

"A mind blowing orgasm, maybe two if I do my job right." Olivia unhooked Alex's bra and threw it behind her quickly taking her's off as well.

"Sounds like everyone wins this game, I like it."

"Told you." Olivia made quick work of Alex's jeans and soon her wife was wearing nothing but a pair of lace underwear that were soaking wet. Once those were removed Olivia went back to kissing Alex as passionately as she had before. She slowly moved down Alex's body leaving a line of kisses down Alex's chest until she quickly latches onto Alex right breast while her hand occupies the left. A soft moan escapes Alex's mouth and she tried to press her body closer to Olivia's touch, but Olivia wasn't having it.

"Uh uh baby, patience is a virtue."

"That I don't have." Alex bit back clearly frustrated at the loss of contact. Olivia smiled and lazily circled Alex's nipple with the tip of her tongue, building up Alex's frustration again. After a few swipes of her tongue she took the nipple back between her lips and alternated between sucking and lightly nipping at the sensitive bud. With each flick of her tongue Alex flinched, but she was trying very hard to not move her hands from above her head. Olivia switched sides and repeated her actions before kissing her way further down Alex's body until she reached her destination. She kissed Alex's inner thigh and teased her entrance with the tip on one finger. Alex was trying to hold still but her hips were bucking uncontrollably, trying to alleviate the pressure that Olivia had built up inside her.

"So eager baby, but you have to tell me what you want." Alex grunted, her brain was not making talking easy.

"What was that baby?"

"I said I want you to fuck me." As she finished the sentence Olivia plunged two fingers deep into her wife causing Alex to take a sharp breath. "Like that." Alex nodded her head as Olivia settled into a steady rhythm. Olivia pulled herself up so that she once again eye level with Alex. She could feel Alex's mucle tense and she knew Alex was close.

"Alex, look at me." Alex was lost in her own world and her eyes remained tightly shut. "Alex, stay with me, look at me." Finally Alex's eyes popped open and locked on Olivia. "I want to look at you when you cum." Olivia quickened her pace and added a third finger which as always sent Alex over the edge. Both women rode out the orgasm with Alex screaming Olivia's name and Olivia with her face buried in Alex's neck adding to the collection of hickies she had started there. Instead of removing her fingers Olivia kept two fingers inside her wife, while he moved her thumb over to find her clit. When she found it she gently rubbed the sensitive ball of nerves and quickly had Alex's muscle tensing again. Alex was clearly fighting the orgasm, trying for whatever reason to make the feeling last longer.

"Alex, let go baby, I want you to cum hard for me." That was all it took, Alex was thrown back into the waves of another intense orgasm and this time instead of Olivia's name, God was mentioned a few times. When Alex stopped shaking she collapsed on the bed and Olivia gently withdrew her fingers and after licking them clean fell into bed next to Alex.

Without saying a word Alex crawled down the bed and positioned herself in between Olivia's legs. Alex didn't waste any time with foreplay, she didn't need to, Liv was dripping wet already and foreplay would have just been cruel at this point. She ran her tongue along the length of Olivia's slit before using her fingers to part the lips back thus giving her better access. She started flicking her tongue and soon found Liv's clit and latched onto it. She sucked and nipped at the bundle of nerves causing Olivia's hips to buck with every movement. She abandoned the bundle for a few moments and spent her time exploring every surface she could find with her tongue. Alex could feel Olivia's walls contract and he knew that her wife was so close so she speed up her tongue and started wildly licking and sucking everything she could touch with her tongue. As her speed increased Olivia screamed out Alex's name and Alex quickly felt a rush of hot fluid run down her mouth and chin. Alex didn't stop, she licked up all her lover's juices as Olivia came down from her high. Eventually Alex flopped down next to Liv and pulled her wife close to her and kissed her softly.

"I love tasting me on your lips."

"Well, I love the way you taste so everyone wins."

"Told you this game would be fun."

"You were right, multiple orgasms for me and if my terminology is right you experienced female ejaculation."

"Only you could make that sound sexy, but whatever it was, it was fucking fantastic and you are very good at it." Olivia yawned and Alex laughed.

"Looks like someone is a little tired, maybe we get so sleep so tomorrow we can actually see more of this city before lunch time." Olivia nodded and Alex threw the sheet over them and the quickly fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

**So hope you all enjoyed that, clearly I am more sexually frustrated then I thought but there you have it. Review for more folks you know the drill.**


	7. Hey Baby I Think I Want To Marry You

**Thanks for all the updates you guys, glad you all liked the last chapter. Again I apologize for how long the last chapter took, but school was crazy and I was moving so life got the better of me. This chapter is happening while they are on their honeymoon, but I wanted to focus on what Haddie is doing in their absence. Hope you all like it and let me know what you think in the reviews.**

While her mothers were in France, Haddie was staying with the Stabler's. They loved having her and the kids liked having another person around the house that was their age, plus they were like her cousins anyway so the Stabler house had quickly become like a second home to her. The twins were a little bit older than she was but Haddie's maturity leveled out the relationship and so the three of them were practically joined at the hip and were affectionately referred by their parents as the "triplets". Haddie liked spending time with Eli and helping Kathy around the house and Elliot when he tried to fix things. The only time she wasn't around her family was when they had to go to school; the Stabler kids went to a different school so Kathy dropped Haddie off first and then went to drop the twins off afterwards.

The day started out as normal as any other, Haddie went through her first four classes and when lunch came around she and Josh found an empty table in the cafeteria and sat down. They had been sitting there for a while and a few of their friends had joined them when soon their quiet lunch was rudely interrupted.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the resident baby dyke and her band of merry losers, what did I tell you about hanging out with my boyfriend?"

"I'm not you damn boyfriend Cheryl." Haddie pulled Josh back down into a seated position as she stood up so that she was nose to nose with Cheryl. "Something else I can help you with Cheryl, perhaps I can help you remove that stick up your ass." The whole table started laughing and so did a few kids from adjoining tables.

"Shut up baby dyke."

"Is that the best name you can come up with, I mean if you're going to make fun of me get it right, a baby dyke is a lesbian that has recently come out and is there for new to the gay community. I am not gay Cheryl, my mothers are, but I am not and if you're too stupid to understand that then that is not my fucking problem." Josh tried to stifle a laugh, but it was hard; Haddie refused to ever let Cheryl win another show down, the last time Cheryl won was the last time. Cheryl stepped closer to Haddie, "what are you going to do Cheryl, hit me, go ahead hit me. My mother is a cop and my other mother is an ADA, I'd have your ass thrown in jail then you can say plastic surgery." Haddie touched her nose for effect as she sat down.

"You are so lucky I have auditions today or I would kick your ass all over this room." Cheryl started to walked away and Josh said under his breath, "please, like you have the talent to be in the musical. Girl couldn't carry a tune if you gave her a bucket." The laughter was cut short by Cheryl walking back to the table and getting in Josh's face, "you know I'm the most talented singer at this damn school, that lead is as good as mine."

Josh laughed, "whatever, Haddie has a way better voice than you."

"Well I don't see her trying out so I guess I'll have to take your word for it."

"She will audition."

Both Cheryl and Haddie turned around, "What?"

"Josh I don't want to audition."

"See there, baby dyke is too scared, or maybe she just knows I'd embarrass her with my talent anyway." That did it, Haddie was going to shut Sheryl up once and for all.

"I'll do it, I'll audition and better yet I'm going to beat you out for that roll. Enjoy looking up at me from the floor when I kick your ass Cheryl. See you after 6 period." Haddie grabbed her tray and walked away with Josh in toe.

"Haddie, that was awesome, I see you at auditions after school. Later." As Josh walked away Haddie realized what she had just gotten herself into. The last two classes of the day seemed to drag on and when the final bell rang Haddie slowly made her way to the auditorium and stood outside the doors.

"You know if you plan on going in it helps to actually open the door." Josh stood next to her smiling.

"I can't do this Josh."

"What are you talking about of course you can, you have a beautiful voice."

"But I'm not good in front of people. I'll freeze up or just start sucking and I can't handle that, not know anyway.

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"I would never let you do this if I thought you couldn't beat Cheryl into the ground. You are going to get up on that stage and sing that song and Cheryl will permanently put in her place. I know you can do this." At that moment Cheryl bumped by the two teens, "sorry guys can't be late, I don't want them to think their star went missing." Josh held the door open and Haddie walked through it and as they walked to their seat she whispered to Josh, "I'm going to kick her ass all over this stage." And with that said she and Josh sat down, Haddie sat in the front of the room and Josh got settled in the back to watch. A few people went first, they were good, but not leading lady material, Cheryl was up next, followed by Haddie. The music started again and Cheryl started in. Haddie hated to admit it, but she was good, very good if she was being truthful. She hit all the notes and gave a very convincing performance. When the music died down the director thanked Cheryl and told Haddie that it was her turn. Haddie cautiously got up on the stage and met the other woman that was helping them with the scene, she looked up and saw Josh standing in the back giving her a thumbs up and a big smile. What she failed to see was Kathy sitting in the wings of the room. Haddie had told her she would be a few minutes late so Kathy figured she would come wait inside. Haddie took a deep breath before nodding for the music to start.

(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for  
once, instead of flying off the handle!  
(sung) I hope you're happy!  
I hope you're happy now  
I hope you're happy how you  
Hurt your cause forever  
I hope you think you're clever! 

Haddie took a deep breath and launched into the song.

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
I hope you're happy  
I hope you're happy, too  
I hope you're proud how you  
Would grovel in submission  
To feed your own ambition

BOTH  
So though I can't imagine how  
I hope you're happy right now

GLINDA  
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry.  
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard  
What you've worked and waited for  
You can have all you ever wanted. 

A sad smile spread across Haddie's face as she sang.

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
(spoken) I know.  
(sung) But I don't want it -  
No - I can't want it  
Anymore.

Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes, and leap!

It's time to try  
Defying gravity  
I think I'll try  
Defying gravity

Haddie pointed straight to Cheryl

And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA  
Can't I make you understand?  
You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
I'm through accepting limits  
''cause someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change  
But till I try, I'll never know!  
Too long I've been afraid of  
Losing love I guess I've lost  
Well, if that's love  
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy  
Defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye  
I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down.

(spoken) Glinda - come with me.

Think of what we could  
do, together.

(sung) Unlimited  
Together we're unlimited  
Together we'll be the greatest team  
There's ever been  
Glinda -  
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA  
If we work in tandem:

BOTH  
There's no fight we cannot win  
Just you and I  
Defying gravity  
With you and I  
Defying gravity

ELPHABA  
They'll never bring us down!  
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA  
I hope you're happy  
Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
(spoken) You too  
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH  
I really hope you get it  
And you don't live to regret it  
I hope you're happy in the end  
I hope you're happy, my friend. 

As the music built up to the climax Haddie got a shot of adrenalin and anyone watching could tell that she was lost in this part, acting and singing it like she was really feeling these things and maybe she was, maybe that's what made it beautiful and different. As she moved into the last part of the song her facial expressions spoke to her feelings and talent. She looked to the dark auditorium like she was singing to everyone and at the same time no one at all.

ELPHABA (Haddie)

So if you care to find me  
Look to the western sky!  
As someone told me lately:  
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo  
At least I'm flying free  
To those who'd ground me  
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am  
Defying gravity  
I'm flying high  
Defying gravity  
And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz  
No Wizard that there is or was  
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA  
I hope you're happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ  
Look at her, she's wicked!  
Get her!

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ  
No one mourns the wicked  
So we've got to bring her down.

ELPHABA (Haddie)  
Ahhh!

As she held the last note Kathy stayed in her seat, completely floored by the performance, but when the long held note ended she jumped out of her seat along with everyone else in the room and applauded her niece's performance. She knew Haddie could sing, but she didn't know she could sing like that or that she could tap into that kind of raw emotion with her acting. She walked over to Josh, "I hope you caught that on film."

"Yes ma'am, got it all, I'll send you a copy." She nodded and both she and Josh walked to the front where the director had the girls in a small group talking to them. When they broke Haddie walked over to them and hugged Kathy, "I didn't know you were in here, how much of that did you see."

"The whole thing and I'm so glad I did, you did a marvelous job. When do you find out if you got it."

"Soon, the director wants to go over her notes once more, so…"

"Ms. Morino could you join us please?" Haddie walked back over to her seat. The director looked at each girl, "ladies thank you for auditioning today, you all did a beautiful job. Now the school has a no cut policy so that means that you all will have parts and there are enough in this show that they are all important role, but as for the lead, I've made my decision." The director passed out stacks of papers to each girl, "have you parent sign these by next week, I'll see you all at practice beginning next month and" she turned to Haddie, "Ms. Morino, I have a general rule about having freshmen star in leading roles, it's normally too much for them to handle their first year." Haddie nodded, she didn't get the part, as she started to walk away and as Cheryl started to celebrate the director spoke again, "Ms. Morino, I am a firm believer that some rules, mainly my own, were made to be broken. Congratulations Ms. Morino, the lead female role is yours." Cheryl looked like someone just punched her in the face and Haddie was frozen in shock. She turned to Cheryl smirked and then ran over to Josh and literally jumped in his arms to hug him saying "I got it" over and over again with tears streaming down her face.

Kathy hugged the girl when Josh put her down, "well then this calls for a celebration, let's go get the rest of the kids and then go have a celebratory dinner. Joshua you're welcome to join us if you'd like."

"I'd love to Mrs. Stabler, but I have plans with my dad tonight, but thank you for the invitation." Josh grabbed his backpacked, "I'll call you later ok." He gave Haddie a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the room. Kathy smiled and walked out to the car with Haddie and they both left to go pick up the other kids.

**Ok, so next chapter will blend both Haddie's story and Alex and Olivia's honeymoon in so if you all want to see something let me know what it is in the reviews and let me know what you think.**


	8. Well I Know This Little Chapel

They had been in Pairs for roughly a week. They had made there was to several points of interest and made their own tours. The day before they had spent the morning walking through Notre Dame and walking through the surrounding area. When they regrouped at the hotel for lunch they took off on foot and made their own adventure walking around the city until it got dark.

That morning when they woke up they took the metro to the stop underneath the Louvre. When they got to the street level the two women quickly found what they were looking for. Olivia had told Alex that one of the best ways to see the city was on an open air bus tour that they had all over the city. They got on the bus and bought a three day pass. They settled into two seats on the upper part of the bus and plugged in their ear plugs to the audio box. There were three routes they could take, each one taking them to a different part of the city and they had decided to take the one that went to all the major tourist stops. The tour began and they went rushing by the buildings, holding onto each other to generate some heat. The automatic tour guide talked about the area they were driving through and all the history behind it as they made their way to the first few stops. When they got to the Arc de triomphe they decided to get off at that stop and look around. They made their way to the structure they bought their museum pass and made their way to the main staircase that led up one of the pillars. Two hundred and eighty four stairs later they had made it to the inner room that displayed historical information and a model size example of the structure. After catching their breath they made their way up the final set of stairs and out to the open top of the arc. The view was amazing, simply breath taking. It was a clear morning and from each angle you could see for miles.

After taking a few pictures of just the scenery they switched off taking pictures of each other and one nice young lady offered to take a picture of the two of them together. They stood there for a few minutes simply taking in the sights around them.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting kind of hungry so what do you say we go take a walk and get something to eat?" Alex nodded and they made their way down the large staircase and started walking down one side of the _Champs-Élysées._ The two of them grabbed something to eat and continued to walk down the long avenue looking at all the stands they passed, occasionally stopping and buying something. Once they walked down the other length of the load they returned to the bus stop and continued on the tour. The last stop before they would be back where they had started was the Eiffel Tower. When they pulled up alongside the street that led to the tower it had just turned dark so the lights that lined the tower had just been switched on. Hand in hand the two women walked around the fence and made their way to one of the open elevators. The line was of course super long, but Olivia wanted Alex to see Paris from the top of the tower. So they stood there in the line for the better part of an hour and finally were almost to the door of the elevator.

"This better be worth standing in this line for the last hour." Alex always got cranky when she was cold and she hated waiting for anything.

"We are almost there, trust me Alex everyone should see this view once. You have my word it will be worth the wait."

"It had better be." Alex continued to pout so Olivia pulled her closer in to her and wrapping her up in her jacket.

"Better?"

"Much." Thankfully the next elevator had enough room for the two of them so they slowly made their way up the leg of the structure. The line to get up the second part wasn't nearly as long so thankfully they made it to the top level fairly quick. As they stepped off the elevator Olivia placed her hand over Alex's eyes.

"Liv, baby I can't see."

"I'm aware of the dear that is sort of the point."

"Well you are the one that insisted that I see this view and how am I to do that when I can't see anything in front of me."

"Trust me." Olivia led Alex over to the railing and slowly took her hand away from her eyes. When Alex opened her eyes, she understood why Olivia had been so adamant on having Alex see the view; it was beautiful. Olivia took a quick picture of Alex with the city lights behind her and when she put the camera back around her neck Alex leaned over and softly kissed her.

"You were right, this is beautiful and breathtaking and perfect."

Olivia shook her head, "no, your perfect and beautiful and breathtaking, this is just one hell of a view and I wanted to share it with you."

"Hopelessly romantic." Nothing more was said for the next ten minutes since the ladies were otherwise occupied with kissing each other. When they finally broke away for air they took more pictures of the surrounding view before heading back down. When the got on the elevator to the ground Alex snuggled into Olivia's shoulder, "thank you for taking me to see that."

"Best view of the city at day time or at night. Something about being able to look out as far as you can and still know that there is something beyond that, something bigger that you can't even see; it's powerful."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a very deep thinker?"

"No, I have been called a lot of things, but not that."

"Well you are, I knew I married you for some reason."

"My stunning good looks and witty charm." Olivia smiled a toothy grin and Alex.

"No because you're humble. You're a goof." That was their basic conversation as they walked along the grass on the other side of the tower, taking pictures and laughing at each other. When they started to get tried Olivia figured they would just take a cab back to the hotel. When they got back to the hotel Alex quickly got into the shower while

Olivia checked her email. As she scrolled past things about work and coupons she would never use she spotted an email from Kathy with a video attached. She loaded the video and as it finished Olivia had to pick her jaw up from the floor. She always knew Haddie could sing, but that was beyond what she thought her daughter was capable of. At that moment Alex walked out of the shower wrapped up in her robe.

"Allie, come here you have to see this."

"It's not something stupid like a talking dog or something else that would waste both our times'."

"No, it's an email from Kathy, apparently our daughter decided to audition for the school musical."

"Did she get a part?"

"You watch this video and you tell me." Olivia hit play and let Alex take her seat. When the video faded to black Alex was speechless.

"Did you know she could sing like that?"

"Nope, to be fair I don't think she knew she could sing like that. Kathy said the director gave her one of the female leads even though she's a freshman."

"Seriously, Christ we leave the country and big stuff starts to happen."

"Well, thankfully her practices don't start till we come home."

"Do you think she's doing ok?"

Olivia scanned the email again, "Kathy says she's been doing good in school, she has been helping Elliot fix that busted up car of his, the kids love having her around, she seems to be doing great.

"What about the…?" Alex's question trailed off, but Olivia knew what she meant.

"Kathy didn't say, I'm sure she's fine though Alex, that therapist is helping her keep things in perspective."

"I just feel guilty that we aren't there to help her."

"Alex, we are giving her all the tools she needs to heal and get past this, if and how she uses them are up to her."

"What if the therapy doesn't work?"

Olivia knew that when Alex got like this, all worried about Haddie's cutting, there was no right answer.

"Alex look at me, I don't care how long it takes or what it takes, if this treatment doesn't work we will find one that does. I'm not just going to roll over and not fight Alex. She has a lifetime of abuse to work through and it's a long, hard road, but she knows that she has us and her family there for her. We will get her through this, I promise."

"I don't want to lose my baby Liv."

"We won't lose her, she's strong and tough and I know she's going to find her way through this eventually and when she does we will be there to celebrate it with her."

"This is why I married you?"

"Because I give good pep talks?"

"Because you always know what to say to make me feel better."

"I told you the truth Alex."

"That's like the sexist thing that anyone can ever say to their spouse." Alex winked as she walked back into the bedroom to call Haddie, Olivia following close behind her.

**Next chapter will have them doing some more Paris stuff, and it will be the last chapter of the honeymoon. On a random note everyone should see Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower; it is the most amazing view. I'm basing this off of my two visits to the city so I hope you all are enjoying. Review for next chapter.**


	9. On The Boulevard

**So half this chapter will be them in Paris and the second half will be them coming home. Sorry it took so long for the update, my sister has been in the hospital and I have had to stay overnight with her. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy.**

The last few days they had in Paris the two ladies decided they wanted to explore the museums and shop. Their first stop was the Musée d'Orsay. They walked through the rooms, pausing along the way to look more carefully at the Van Gough collection and the Dante's Inferno pieces. They spent about an hour walking through the rest of the collections. When they were done they walked down along the river and after walking across the bridge they arrived at the Louvre entrance. Both Olivia and Alex thought it would be a good idea to buy the audio guide so that if nothing else they have a back story as to what they are looking at. They picked a wing to start in at random and started walking through it.

"Did you know that if you spent like 30 seconds at each piece of art in the entire museum it would take roughly three weeks to make it through the whole museum?" Olivia always did love knowing random facts and Alex always thought they were funny if not actually interesting.

"Well, we have the rest of the day and they close at 6:30 so we have about 8 hours so we had better hurry." They worked their way through the wing in about two hours, stopping at the pieces that sparked a genuine interest or if they saw a famous piece. When they finished they made their way over to the wing that housed the Mona Lisa; yes it is a lot smaller in real life but they wanted to be able to say they saw it. By the time they finished that wing it was nearly closing time and both ladies hadn't eaten sine that morning so they decided to call it a day. They returned their guides as the exited the wing and slowly made their way out onto the street. They stopped in a small café that barely could hold the tables that were stuffed inside, but they food was of course amazing. They left the shop and walked around a while, strolling past the opera house and simply enjoying the scenery around them. When it got too cold and too dark to stay out any longer they made their way back to the metro stop and eventually arrived back at the hotel.

The next morning Alex was up first and was starting to piece together their suitcases; they had to leave early the next morning and if they got the packing done fast then they could enjoy their final day in Paris and not have to worry about their trip home. Once Olivia woke up the two made their way out into the city. They stopped at several shops that sold the clichéd tourist stuff and they spent a decent amount of money in each of them. They had already had some stuff from their shopping trip earlier in the week, but they wanted to have something for everyone. After dropping off their bags at the room they both decided to go out into the city one more time and just enjoy it (and maybe a little more shopping if Alex could wrestle the card away from Liv). They walked hand in hand around the city until both ladies were sure their feet would fall off. The found a few last minute gifts for friends and family and themselves. After grabbing dinner at a small café near the opera house they got back on the metro and made their way back to the hotel.

They packed their gift and other purchases in with the rest of their bags and set them near the door. They got into their PJ's and flopped on the couch and bought a movie. When it was over Alex was passed out against Olivia's shoulder and Olivia felt bad having to wake her wife up.

"Alex babe you gotta wake up so we can at least move to the bed."

"Carry me."

"Lazy."

"Not lazy, tired." Olivia laughed and picked Alex up and laid her down on the bed. After checking to make sure they had all their stuff together Olivia climbed in bed next to her wife.

"Do we have all our stuff packed?"

"Yeah baby we do, now go back to sleep."

"Liv, I want to go home but I like being on vacation. No one is arguing with me, no criminals that I have to care about, no real drama, no real cell phone service; it's like a magic world."

"I know babe I loved every minute of it, but we have to go home to work and to Haddie. We will take more vacations though I promise and we will bring Haddie next time, ok?"

Olivia looked over and Alex was dead to the world asleep. She smiled and turned over and settled into the pillow before she too was asleep. What seemed like minutes later the alarm was going off and the offending noise woke both women wide awake. They enjoyed one more breakfast in the café on the ground floor of their hotel before heading back up stairs and making sure they had everything ready to go. Olivia called downstairs to get them a ride to the airport and soon a hotel employee was at their door and was loading their luggage onto a cart. During the ride to the airport Alex snuggled into Olivia and they watched the city race by the window around them. When they got through security and settled in at the gate Olivia took out her phone and sent a quick text to Elliot who was going to pick them up at the airport with Haddie when they landed in New York.

Back home Haddie was still asleep when Elliot knocked on the door of the den. "Haddie, its 5, your moms' flight will be coming in soon so get dressed and we'll go pick them up ok."

"Too early, why did pick a flight that got in so freakin' early in the morning."

"I don't know honey, come on we can pick up some food on the way to JFK." Haddie reluctantly rolled out of bed and grabbed a jacket and pulled her hair back into a ponytail before stumbling into the garage after her uncle. She fell asleep about ten minutes into the ride but as soon as they parked she woke up and followed Elliot into the baggage claim. After a few minutes of waiting a large group of people filed down the stairs and into the baggage claim waiting area. Elliot and Haddie scanned the crowd and finally Haddie saw Olivia and Alex walking toward them. Haddie pushed through the crowd of people and ran right into Olivia, tackling her in a hug and causing her to drop her bag.

"So I take it you missed us?" Olivia hugged her daughter tight before Haddie turned and hugged Alex just as tightly.

"Maybe just a little bit." Haddie walked over to the carousel with Alex to pick up their bags. Olivia turned to Elliot and gave him a hug, "thank you for letting Haddie crash at your house while we were gone."

"No problem we love having her around. Kathy and the girls like having another girl around and the kids love having their cousin around and she knows her way around power tools and cars, she helped me fix that busted engine in Kathy's car. Did you enjoy your honeymoon?"

"So much, I don't remember the last time I had a vacation and we were finally able to relax and enjoy ourselves and knowing that Haddie was being looked after put our worries at rest. Everything was perfect and so beautiful."

"Go ahead rub it in, but I'm glad you two had fun and like I said Haddie was a joy to have around the house."

"So she was ok while she was with you guys, like she didn't have anymore school issues or problems with the depression or the cutting?"

"School has been fine, she was so happy getting that part in the musical and as for the depression and that kind of thing Kathy assures me that she hasn't done anything while she has been with us. She went to all her therapy appointments and she seems to be doing pretty well."

"We saw that video Kathy sent us, we were blow away by her performance and I think it showed her that she can do something really well and that she has something to be proud of. Did her therapist say anything to you after her appt." Elliot was about to answer when Haddie and Alex reappeared.

"She said that next time I have an appointment she wants to talk to you guys." Haddie smiled at her mother and handed her one of the bags. Alex tried to guide the conversation away from being too serious, "well I'm exhausted and I want to go home." They all made their way to the car and after picking up Haddie's things at the Stabler house they made it back to their apartment and started to unpack. Haddie sat on their bed and listened to them talk about all the details of their trip. She talked about the play and school and filled them in on everything they had missed. Once Alex was done unpacking she and Haddie went into the kitchen to put lunch together. When Olivia walked out of the bedroom she stood in the doorway and smiled at the sight of her wife and daughter moving around in the kitchen laughing and smiling as they prepared a meal. It was then that Olivia realized something; their lives weren't perfect, bad things happened, they saw terrible things everyday they sent to work, Haddie was still working through her problems, but they had each other and family and friends and as far as Liv was concerned that was enough good stuff to outshine the bad. As she joined Alex and Haddie she decided that no matter how great that vacation was, the best part of it was coming home.

**I know it's short and that it is more filler but it needed to be done. I promise the next few chapter pick up the same pace as the previous ones so stick with me and please review for another update.**


	10. We Can Go

**Glad to see you all enjoyed the Paris details, I loved every minute I spent in that city and I will carry those memories with me for all my life. Anyway, back to storyline and everyday life…enjoy.**

After a week of trying to get over jet lag both Alex and Olivia had fallen back into their regular schedule of Haddie and work and home. Haddie had been starting to work with the director of the play to help her out with her vocals in preparation for when practices actually started. On this day in particular Olivia took the second half of the day off to take Haddie to her doctor's appointment. Haddie saw her therapist while they were away, but this was the first one she had been to since they had been back and Olivia was eager to hear how things were going. Alex had to be in court so when Olivia left the station house she went straight to the school to sign Haddie out of class. The drive to the office was quiet, it always was, almost like Haddie was going through a list of things she was about to talk about. When her name was called Haddie walked into the office and closed the door behind her leaving Olivia alone in the waiting room. She worked on paper work for about half an hour when the receptionist told her she could go in to talk to the doctor.

When she walked in the room Haddie looked like a kid who just got busted doing something she shouldn't have been doing. Olivia sat next to her daughter and Haddie immediately moved closer to her and buried her head in Olivia's shoulder.

"Haddie would you like to tell your mom what we just talked about?" The teenager shook her head and if it was possible buried her head further into her mother's shoulder; she was trying to hide from something.

"Would it be ok if I told her?" Haddie nodded.

"Olivia I had wanted to talk to you and Alex anyway when you got home from your trip, but Haddie seemed to be moving forward, but we seem to have hit a bump in the road. Haddie had been doing very well while the two of you were gone and had managed to not give into the urge to hurt herself the entire time you were in Europe." Dr. Hart smiled.

"Why do I feel a 'but' coming."

Dr. Hart sighed, "But since you and your wife have come home she has started again." Olivia winced and put her arm around her daughter who was quietly crying. "Can I ask what brought it on? Lexi and I thought she was managing things ok, she never said anything to us, did us coming home trigger something?"

"I don't think that's what it is at all Olivia. From what Haddie says, she stayed with your partner and his family correct?"

"Yes."

"From what Haddie says, she didn't hurt herself while she was with them because she didn't want to disrespect them or make trouble for them while she was a guest in their home. So whenever she wanted to cut, she reminded herself that she couldn't. When you came home she tried doing the same for you and your wife, but the urge was too strong for her to fight off."

"So what do we do now?"

"I'd like to suggest sending Haddie to a group therapy session; sometimes teenagers find it easier to open up to a group of their peers who understand where they are coming from."

Olivia turned to Haddie, "is that something you would like to try?" Haddie nodded and grabbed on tighter to her mother basically burying her face into her tshirt.

"Ok, I'll tell Alex, but I think that is something we want to try for her."

"One more thing, I think with what Haddie has been telling me it is not a stretch to say that we may be dealing with an addiction to cutting."

"Addiction?" Olivia wasn't sure why she was surprised but she was.

"It is very common these days, cutting is as addictive as drugs and alcohol and just as dangerous, a person's body can become addicted to the endorphins that get released when they get cut and then eventually their body needs the endorphins and cutting is the only way to get that fix."

"What can we do to help her?"

"Well, I'd like to stay away from any heavy hitting medication because of her age, but I would like to suggest a mild anxiety medication just to help calm some of the more frantic moments and beyond that the new group therapy should help. For now until we can get Haddie back on track with stopping the cutting I'd like to increase our meetings to three days a week. We discussed some healthier coping mechanisms she could practice. In the end it is up to you and your wife as to what actually happens."

"Thank you, Alex and I will talk about it when she gets home tonight and I will call you in the morning." Olivia thanked the doctor and walked out of the office with Haddie walking in front of her. The car ride home was silent and when they got to the apartment Haddie went and sat on the couch and did her homework in silence. Olivia wasn't sure if she was sad, or embarrassed or mad, but she figured they would deal with it when Alex got home. Just as she was finishing up dinner Alex walked through the door.

"Hey beautiful ladies, I'm home."

"Hey baby, I'm in the kitchen." Alex turned the corner and Olivia was just talking the food out of the oven. Alex gave her wife and quick kiss before grabbing the plates to set the table.

"How was your day?"

"It was good, nothing real exciting and I took off early to take Haddie to the doctor."

"How'd that go?"

"She had a lot to talk about. Apparently she was fine when she was with Kathy and Elliot, but eventually not cutting became too much and she relapsed. Rachel suggested group therapy to help her out further and maybe some anti-anxiety medication at a very low dosage to help her out."

Alex looked lost for words, "how did she take that?"

"Hasn't said two words since I picked her up from school. I think she is embarrassed and upset."

"I'll go tell her dinner is ready and maybe we can talk to her after." Olivia smiled as Alex walked down the hall to her daughter's room. When Alex got closer to the room she heard a familiar sound; living with two women that know how to play the guitar means that she hears a guitar being played almost every day. The do was opened slightly so Alex opened it a little more and stood in the doorway and listened while her daughter played the instrument and sang.

_All I waited for  
Was A chance to make you understand  
Tell you these forgotten truths you never thought were real  
And if the world should turn it's back  
You know that I'm still here_

Time won't ever steal my soul  
And we're not broken  
So please come home

Morning comes and life moves on  
But when it changed  
You didn't know where you belonged  
I'll still catch you when you fall from a past that steals your sleep  
And scrawl these words upon your wall  
Remind you to believe

Time won't ever steal my soul  
And we're not broken  
So please come home  
And if the world has worn you down  
And I'll be waiting  
So please come home

I won't let them break you down  
And I won't hear the empty sounds  
I'm hopelessly pretending that I know the answer  
Angels light the neon fires that burn so cold through your desires  
And all you are is all I need to know

When the world is insane  
You get used to the pain  
And you don't even know what you feel  
And I get like you  
I'm alone and confused  
But you know it's not forever

Time won't ever steal my soul  
And we're not broken  
So please come home  
And if the world has worn you down  
I'll be waiting  
So please come home

Haddie played a few more chords before the music in the room died down. Alex moved inside the bedroom, "that was beautiful; soon you'll be able to play better than Liv."

"I doubt that. How was your day?"

"The usual, criminals, defense attorneys, lots of yelling, but I'm more interested about hearing about your day." Alex tucked a stray hair behind Haddie ear and smiled hoping that Haddie would volunteer the information.

"Mom told you didn't she?"

"Did you really expect her not too?"

"No, I just, nothing, it doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter?" Haddie put the guitar down and pulled her knees to her chest. Alex saw what she was trying to do and jumped in, "hey, don't do that, don't hide from me." Haddie picked up her head but kept her arms wrapped around her legs. "I'm not scary and I'm not going to hurt you so there is no need to hide from me, just tell me what is bothering you, or better yet tell me what you're trying so hard to hide from."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?"

"I'm sorry I screwed up, I really did try to stop, but I just couldn't do it anymore, it hurt too much." Alex brushed away a few tears from Haddie's eyes, "I know you tried, we aren't mad at you sweetie, we're just not sure how to help you. Your therapist seems to have some good ideas though, do you think we could try them and see if they help you."

"What if I mess up again?"

"Then we try something new. Honey you have a problem and this one is a little bit harder than some to deal with, but the only way you can move past it is if you work at it. You can't give up just because you might fall down a few times; Liv and I aren't going to give up and neither should you. If you mess up then you try again until you get it right."

"I don't want to disappoint you, I'm trying it's just so hard."

"The only thing you could ever do to disappoint us is if you gave up and didn't keep trying. Success isn't measured by how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get up."

"You and mom sound like fortune cookies when you give pep talks." Haddie cracked a smile.

"They are the wisest of all cookies so I will take that as a compliment. Come on, dinner is ready, we can talk after dinner ok?" Haddie got off her bed and followed Alex out of the room. The three talk about little things at the dinner table; Haddie talked about an art project she had, Alex talked about going and spending time with their family during the summer and Olivia just jumped in where she could. With the dishes done and put away Haddie spread out on the couch and eventually Olivia and Alex both joined her in the living room. No one said anything for a while and finally Haddie broke the silence.

"Is one of you going to say something?"

"We thought maybe you could guide this conversation."

"I don't want to talk about it." Olivia got up from the chair and disappeared in the bedroom and came back with her NYPD shirt and handed it to Haddie who held it close to her like she had in the doctor's office.

"How about now, can we talk about it now?"

"I want to stop, I do, but it's like I can't. Like no matter how good things are that something bad always takes over my thoughts and I just can't fight it."

"Do you think that the doctor's ideas are worth a try?" Haddie nodded. "Do you think that maybe you could come to me or Olivia or another adult when you feel like you want to cut? That way maybe we could work through what you're feeling instead of you taking it to that next level."

"Ok, I'll try. Can I go finish my project now?"

"Sure honey." Haddie left the room and Alex took her spot on the couch. "God I hope this works because I honestly don't know what else we could do aside from having her hospitalized and I really don't want to put her through that."

"I don't think that anyone wants that Lexi, but we have to get her to a place where she can just be happy and healthy. Let's see how these new things play out and then we can visit this again, till then we just have to keep on her to talk to us and share her feelings. I'm going to go shower, I'll be out in 20." Olivia left the room and Alex followed her out. Eventually they ended up sitting on their bed reading their individual books when Alex looked up form her's and turned to Olivia.

"Have you ever thought about us having a baby?" Liv closed her book and turned to her wife.

"Where is this coming from?"

"Just a question, have you."

"Of course I have Alex and eventually I want to have a baby with you, but I think we should table that until Haddie gets to a more stable place, I don't want her thinking that we are trying to replace her with a baby. She deserves and needs our full attention."

"No, of course she does and I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world, I was just thinking about it and I wanted to throw it out there. Like maybe in a year if Haddie is in a better place and can handle us adding to the family we maybe try for a baby. It's a terrible idea, never mind, forget I asked." Alex was about to pick up her book again when Liv stopped her. "I think it's a great idea, let's see where she is in her recovery next year and then we can revisit this ok?"

"Ok." Both of them went back to reading and neither one of them knew that outside their door Haddie had heard their conversation. The teen returned to her room feeling insanely guilty and slightly determined; if her having a baby brother or sister was contingent on her being healthy she was going to give sobriety a chance, besides deep down she always wanted a younger sibling.

**Most of what was in the chapter was stuff I learned while I was still cutting and going to therapy only my parents had no clue what to do and we didn't talk about it. It really is addictive and I lived that, but now I get to live the happier side of that and say that I have been sober for almost four years. Quick show of hands: when it comes to baby and being pregnant do you guys want to see Alex or Liv pregnant? I know that Liv is older, but I could still totally make it work, up to you guys. Tell me what you want to see and review, thanks.**


	11. Shots of Patron

The next morning Alex and Olivia both woke up and decided to stay in bed for a little bit longer. Neither one of them had to be at work that day and Haddie was home because of a teacher in service so everyone got to enjoy a three day weekend. Alex had woken up and decided to go for a run, leaving Olivia still sleeping in their bed. When she did eventually wake up Olivia made her way into study and started to work on some paper work that she had to finish before she could really enjoy a weekend with her family. Around 10:30 the door to the study slowly opened with Haddie on the other side, "can I come in?"

"Sure sweetie, I'm just about to email this paper work to the Captain and then I am all yours." Olivia looked up from the computer screen and watched as Haddie paced back and forth in the room. "Honey is there something you wanted to talk about, cuz I'm pretty much done here."

"It's nothing really, matter of fact, forget I came in." Haddie was in the hallway when Olivia called her back, "honey if there is something you want to talk about then I think it's something, not nothing. Come on, we can go into the living room." Olivia stood up and followed Haddie out of the study and into the living room. Haddie sat down on the couch and Olivia sat down next to her, "so what did you want to talk about?"

Haddie took a deep breath, "I don't want you guys to wait a year."

Olivia looked confused and rightfully so, "what are you talking about honey?"

"I heard you and mom talking last night, I didn't mean to listen to your conversation, but I heard my name and I couldn't help it cuz you guys talk kind of loud and I know that you guys aren't replacing me and that you love me and all that, but I don't want you guys to wait a year before you have a baby." Olivia barely made out what her daughter was saying because she was babbling and babbling fast at that, but she heard enough to know which conversation Haddie had overheard.

"Honey we just didn't want to start talking about babies when you were still struggling with things. We want you to know that you have our full attention and we thought that throwing a baby into this equation right now wouldn't be what is best for you."

"I promise I'll try harder and do better, just don't deny yourselves and myself this really cool thing because I can't figure my shit out. Besides, if I'm going to be a big sister then I have to get better so that the baby has a good role model right?" Haddie cracked a smile before she stood up and started digging in her jeans pocket. She closed her hand around the object she had pulled out of her pocket, "I always wanted siblings and if there is something I can do to make that happen then I have no problem doing it, here." Haddie handed the object into Olivia hand and when Olivia looked at it she was shocked; it was a pack of disposable razors. She looked up at her daughter but before she could say anything Haddie spoke again, "it's not all of them, because I'm just not ready to give you all of them yet, but all those books you and mom have been reading say that during the recovery process the person has to willingly give up the tools of their destruction because you taking them would only cause me distress. So you can take these and throw them away and tell mom that you don't have to wait a year, if you guys are ready then I am too."

Olivia played with the object in her hand and eventually set it down on the coffee table as she stood up and scooped her daughter into a hug. "You're sure this is something you can handle, because honey I promise you a year is not a very long time, we can wait until you are at a better place."

"No, I mean, yes I'm sure I can handle this and maybe this is what I needed. The doctor said when I was with Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kathy I was compelled to not cut because I had a reason not too or a goal, something keeping me in check; it forced me to find other ways of coping. Maybe having a baby brother or sister is exactly what I need; that baby will need me to be healthy so that I can properly be there for it and help take care of it as it grows and teach it things when they get older and I can't do that if I'm still dealing with this addiction. Besides, you and mom will need my help and I don't want you guys wasting your energy on worrying about if I am cutting or suicidal. You guys gave me the gift of a family, a real family, that's full of love and I always wondered how I could pay you back for that, this is my way of doing that; who am I to deprive a child of sharing in all of this."

"First off, us adopting you wasn't a business transaction, you don't have to pay us back for anything, you being a part of our family is all we ever wanted from you. Second, we will always worry about you; you're our daughter it's in the job description of a parent to worry. If you really think you can handle this then Alex and I will talk about it and we will go from there ok?"

"Ok."

"One more thing, just because you brought it up are you cutting?"

"Not since the time Rachel told you about."

"Are you suicidal?"

"Not at the moment, no?

"You'll tell us if you feel like that right?"

"Yes. Can I go finish my assignment now, I'd like to enjoy some of my weekend?"

"Sure sweetie, go ahead." As Haddie closed the door to her room Alex walked through the front door and took out her ear buds. "Hey you're up and about early on our day off."

"Yeah, I wanted to finish some paperwork so that the rest of the weekend was open for us to enjoy some time together, you know family time."

"Well, you won't hear any objections from me, is Haddie awake yet?"

"Yeah she actually came into the office when I was working, said she wanted to talk to me about something."

Alex looked immediately concerned, "was it bad, is she ok?"

"She's fine; she did however hear us talking last night."

"Oh, you mean she heard us talking about having a baby."

"Yep."

"What did she have to say about it? Is she upset?"

"Quite the opposite actually, she doesn't want us to wait a year to have another child, she thinks that she could stop cutting and get things under control because she wants to be a good big sister and be there for the baby. Then she handed me these and told me to get rid of them." Olivia handed the box to Alex who looked at them with a mix of concern and relief plastered across her face.

"Where did she get a package of razors?"

"I wish I knew, but the point is she gave them up willingly and with any luck as she gets better she'll get rid of the rest of her tools on her own."

"She doesn't think we are trying to replace her right?"

"Nope." Olivia went on to explain the whole conversation with Haddie and what the teenager had told her. Alex smiled when Olivia finished talking, "we have a pretty cool kid."

"Yeah well she gets that from me." Alex punched Olivia lightly in the shoulder as they laughed. "So does this mean we can start looking at having a baby now or very soon at least?"

"I'd like to check in with her doctor about her state of mind first, but then I see no reason why we can't start exploring our options." Alex practically squealed she was so happy, "I love you so so so much, I'm going to go shower and then I am having lunch with my sister later this afternoon and I can pick up a donor profile binder at that cryogenic bank." Olivia just smiled and shook her head before sitting down and turning on the TV. Haddie wandered into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and she looked at Olivia and laughed.

"It's not nice to laugh at your mother."

"Sorry, but you look kind of pale, but still totally happy; it's a weird mix I've never seen on you before. What's up?"

"Your mother is always two steps ahead of me on everything, it's just funny, that's all."

"Is this what married life is like, things that were once considered oddities are suddenly endearing qualities?"

"It's the weekend, stop using big words and yes, when you get married you'll see." Haddie flopped down on the couch and started watching the same show Olivia was. Half an hour later, Alex came out of the bedroom ready to meet up with Kim. "Ok, so we will be back later and please don't burn down the kitchen if you end up making lunch for yourselves."

"God invented take out for a reason mom, and that nifty little thing on the counter, that is a phone. So when people like us for example, are hungry, but have no desire to prepare food, we enter a numeric code on said phone and that patches us through to the people who will make us food for a nominal fee and deliver it in 30 minutes or less." Olivia was laughing so hard she was crying and Alex was trying to stay serious, but it wasn't working.

"Let's see how funny you think you are when the people who make all the money don't provide you with that nominal fee you need to acquire said food. You aren't the only one that knows how to talk in circles and use big words; face it honey, I've been doing it longer and it's my job so I will win, every time. Now, once again, goodbye, I love you both and I will be home around 2ish." Alex closed the door behind her and Haddie promptly joined Olivia in laughing.

**So a slightly lighter chapter then the last one and I'm sorry it kind of short, I've just been super busy. Anyway, lots of people voted on who should get pregnant and not surprisingly it was more or less a tossup. I know what I want to do with it and hopefully you guys like what put out there, suggestions are great, so are reviews.**


	12. Come On Girl

Alex did indeed pick up the binders full of the profiles of sperm donors that they could choose from. She walked in the door with three of them in her arms and barely made it to the table before she dropped them all. Later that evening Olivia and Alex spent several hours glossing over the never ending list of possible donors.

"Alex what are we even looking for in these men?"

"Well, we want them to be educated, college degree at least, athletic; I'd like to find someone that doesn't want contact with them later in their lives."

"Ok, but I meant more like his features; do we want blue eyed blond hair of brown hair and hazel eyes?"

"I guess that depends on which one of us gets pregnant."

"I always kind of assumed you'd be the one to carry any children we had."

Alex smiled and laughed a little, "Really and why is that?"

"Well, you're younger than me and IVF tends to work better in the younger of the two partners, also your job is less dangerous than mine, at least its supposed to be." Olivia looked at Alex and Alex turned a deep red. "I get shot once and you never let me live it down. And if you want to try to get pregnant first we could do that. You have a different job now and so it could be done; that is of course if you want to."

"So if we try with me first and it doesn't work, we try with you."

"That sounds like a plausible course of action."

"You are so hot when you talk in lawyer language."

"Who are you kidding? I'm hot all the time." Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yes you are, but if we can get back at the topic at hand, if we are going to try me going first then we need someone with blond hair and maybe blue eyes. That way there is at least a chance that the kid will look like both of us." They agreed on that and so they narrowed down their search to about three different men that looked remarkably like Alex or at least looked like her enough that the baby stood a good chance of having features that made it look like they were both the biological parents. As they continued to discuss it Haddie came into the bedroom and knocked to get their attention.

"Haddie just in time, pick one of these guys." Alex held up the pictures and Haddie instantly looked confused. "Alex don't make her do that its weird."

"Its fine mom, as weird as it is I think the guy in the middle is my favorite." Alex flipped the picture over and read off his profile. "graduated from NYU with a bachelors in Mathematics and received his Masters from Columbia also in Mathematics, currently works as a high school Calculus teacher and is working on becoming a professor at his alma mater. He likes playing football, baseball and swimming. He ran track for two years in high school and he loves to garden with his wife in his spare time. Sounds like a good match to me, what do you think baby." Olivia smiled, "I think we found a match." Alex practically ran out of the room to call the sperm bank despite Olivia pointing out that they were closed. Alex ignored her and left a message that she was sure they would return in the morning. When Alex finally did come back into the bedroom she looked back at Haddie.

"Honey, I'm sorry you came in here to talk to us about something, what was it?"

"I wanted to ask you guys something. Uh, how hard would it be to change my last name?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't want to have my parents' last name anymore, I was never a part of their family anyway, I am however part of this one and I want my name to reflect that. All my parents gave me was a reason to hate where I came from, who guys gave a family and a home and I want people to look at my last name and know that I'm yours; plus the new baby is going to have your last name and I want us to at least have that in common with each other. So can I change it or what?"

Alex looked at Olivia and they both smiled, "well if Olivia and I support your petition to change your last name it shouldn't be hard at all. It may take a little time, but it is doable."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Awesome, I'm going to go call Josh and tell him." She gave each of them a kiss and ran to her room. Olivia turned to Alex, "did that really just happen?"

"You mean did our teenager just pick the father of our baby and then ask to change her last name to ours, yep that really just happened." Olivia just fell back into the pillows and laughed at the situation and eventually fell asleep. Alex put the binder back together and climbed back into bed and soon followed Olivia in a deep sleep.

**It's short I know, but I wanted to get this one out there and the next chapter will be longer. It was a tossup on who you all wanted preggers and so I went with my original idea of having it be Olivia, but I swear I have a solid plan for this so stick with me and I promise it will pan out.**


	13. Shot in the Dark

Olivia had been going through the training of becoming a Sergeant in the SVU unit; they figured that by the time she was ready to take her place John would be ready to retire. John was looking forward to hanging up his shield and taking some time for himself so the idea of having Olivia take his place didn't bother him one bit. While Olivia was getting used to her new position and responsibilities at work, big things were happening at home. Haddie's birthday was fast approaching and so was her school's Spring break which meant a family vacation to plan for. As if that wasn't enough to worry about Alex and Olivia had been going through the IVF process without telling any of their friends or family. They didn't want anyone to get their hopes up if it didn't happen this time with Olivia so they kept it a secret. They made a deal that they would try three times before they would start trying to get Alex pregnant. The first round had failed to take, but most times they do, the second round also didn't take which just made them frustrated and so their third and final attempt to get Olivia pregnant had occurred two weeks ago and they were waiting to see if third time really is the charm.

Olivia hadn't told Alex, but she was sure that she wasn't pregnant this time either. She had had some spotting and took it to mean the beginning of her period so she started to work out in her head how to tell Alex that they were going to have to switch tactics. All that was going to have to at least wait until the end of the work day. It had been a fairly routine day; a few court appearances, hunting down alibis and sorting through paper work back at the house. When six rolled around Olivia quickly finished her work and grabbed her jacket and said goodnight to everyone before heading out the door.

She arrived home to Alex moving around the kitchen making all kinds of noise and both she and Haddie were shouting the lyrics to the song on the radio. Olivia smiled, maybe they weren't pregnant but they still had a wonderful family and Alex was still tone deaf. "I'm home."

"Hey baby, come on jump in on the chorus."

"I'd love to, but I'm going to go change first ok?" Alex nodded and went back to singing with Haddie as they set the table. Olivia returned a few moments later, wearing something more comfortable. She helped Alex put the food on the table while Haddie turned the radio off and joined her parents. They went through the usual dinner conversation; how was work, school etc. After they finished eating Olivia cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher while Haddie explained her new project for Government class. They talked about what Haddie wanted to do for her birthday and eventually the teenager retreated into her room to finish her work and get some reading done. With both women left in the kitchen Alex asked the obvious question.

"So what to do think, pregnant or no?"

"Alex I started spotting today so I don't think so. Guess we'll have to switch gears and start trying to get you pregnant."

"I'm sorry Liv, I know how much you wanted this."

"We both wanted this; I'm just sorry I couldn't make it happen." Olivia looked dejected and it made Alex feel terrible. "Hey, it's ok Liv, we knew it was a shot in the dark and now we just change our plans and go at it again when we are ready."

"Ok, but have fun with the increased hormones, you feel like crap half the time and the other half your either nauseous, irritable or allergic to the scent of foods you once loved."

"You are painting a lovely picture of pregnancy Liv." Alex frowned but then smiled quickly before kissing her wife. "I can't wait." They didn't discuss it again for the rest of the night and simply enjoyed spending time at home together. When Haddie's birthday came around Alex and Olivia took her and a few of her friends out for the day; first to the movies, then dinner at her choice of restaurant and then back home. When her friends left and Josh said his goodnights Haddie thanked her mothers for a wonderful day and headed to her room to back for their vacations. They were of course spending their time off in the Hamptons with the whole family again and they were all looking forward to it. Olivia hoped she was feeling better by then because for the last week she had felt more tired than usual and was constantly feeling nauseous. She figured that it was the hormones still working their way through her system so she ignored it. The morning they were set to leave for the Hamptons Olivia left Alex and Haddie to finish their own packing while she went to the store for supplies. She grabbed the usual things for the car ride and as she walked to the checkout line she went against her inner voice and grabbed a pregnancy test, I mean what could it hurt right. When she got home she stuffed the box into her jacket and gave the res to the items to Haddie to put in the car. As Alex loaded up the car with Haddie Olivia snuck into the bathroom; she figured she could take the test to satisfy her inner voice and then she could enjoy the vacation with her family. When Alex knocked on the door Olivia said she would lock up and be down in a minute. Alex picked up the last bag and went back downstairs to wait in the car.

Olivia checked her watch and flippantly turned the test over to reveal the results. She was expecting to see the negative read out on both test wands but when she saw the complete opposite she almost fainted. Those hormones weren't what was causing her nausea and fatigue, the baby was. The baby, they were going to have a baby. Not wanting to concern Alex, Olivia stuffed both tests in her purse and locked the door behind her as she left the apartment. When she got downstairs she started up the car and they were off. It took everything Liv had in her to not just blurt out I'm having a baby; it was a long car ride after all. When they arrived it was clear that they had all arrived first so they got settled in their usual rooms and Alex and Olivia headed outside while Haddie unpacked in the pool house. Usually Olivia would have insisted that a doctor tell her that she is pregnant before she shared the news with Alex, but this was different, Olivia had two positive tests and was experiencing the symptoms of early pregnancy; besides Alex was her wife she had to tell her. As they sat at the end of the dock watching the water Olivia picked her moment.

"So I picked up something at the drugstore this morning." Awkward, sure, but this was a odd conversation to start with.

"Yeah, is it a surprise for me?"

"Surprise for me too." Liv mumbled so Alex couldn't hear. "I guess you could put it like that."

"Well what is it?" Olivia reached into her jacket and handed Alex the two tests. Alex looked at the tests and back to Liv a few time before she even realized what she was holding and when she read the results, well, lets just say the neighborhood heard her screaming.

"You're pregnant, we're having a baby?"

"If those tests are right yeah I am and we are."

"But you said the spotting."

"They say it's common to get spotting in the first trimester and it gets mistake for periods all the time." They were silent for a minute before Alex started kissing Olivia which turned into making out which eventually got interrupted by Haddie clearing her throat. "We have family arriving in a few minutes, you two could try to control yourselves." Haddie started to laugh when she looked down at what Alex was still holding.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"What do you think it is?" Alex could play coy too.

"I think its proof you knocked mom up." Always the teenager Haddie had to make the joke.

Olivia nodded, "yep, we have to double check with a doctor, but it looks like your going to be a big sister." Haddie sat down and hugged her parents tight before jumping back up, "you guys have to hide those because the rest of the family will be here soon and you can't un-ring the bell if they find those, if you know what I mean."

"She's right. I'll take them upstairs and put them under the mattress, no one would look under there for anything." Alex stuffed them into her jeans pocket and with a quick kiss to Olivia she disappeared into the house. Haddie sat down next to Olivia and leaned her head on her shoulder and looked out over the water.

"So, we're having a baby?"

"Yeah, we're having a baby."

**So my Senior year of college starts on Monday so shit is about to get crazy real and crazy busy so roll with me and be patient and keep the reviews coming, thanks everyone.**


	14. Confirmation

Like every other time, the entire Cabot clan emptied into the house and settled into various rooms and went about getting ready for meals and in general just settling in. The next morning everyone went about their business, the kids were busy playing, Haddie and Sam spent their time in the pool house and the adults were catching up with each other. When lunch time came around Olivia headed up stairs to grab something out of her bag only to find Lily in their room holding the plastic bag that held the pregnancy test.

Olivia tried to stay calm; I mean Lily was five she seriously doubted that the child knew what she was holding. "Hey Lily, what are you doing up here?"

"I always hide one of my books under Aunt Alex's mattress so when we visit she can read it to me. What's this?" She held the bag up and Olivia took it from the child.

"It's something for adults to worry about. Can I ask you a favor Lily?" The child nodded. "This test is a secret between Aunt Alex and myself, so can you do me a favor and not tell anyone?"

"I'm really good at keeping secrets." Olivia smiled an awkward smile because she knew children had no filters. "Awesome, let's go back downstairs ok." Lily thankfully got caught up playing with her cousins, leaving Olivia to grab Alex and go run an "errand". Alex knew a few hospitals in the area and as luck would have it one of them employed a doctor that owed her a favor, a favor she planned on cashing in on today. They walked into the orthopedic wing of the hospital and Alex asked the nurse to page Dr. Tanner. The nurse paged the doctor saying that a woman named Alex Cabot was looking for him. No sooner than five minutes later a tall man in his late 50's was practically running down the hallway to where Alex was still standing with Olivia. When Alex turned around the man quickly hugged her, "Alexandra, its so nice to see you in here without a broken arm or a busted lip. Is this a personal visit or have you started climbing trees in your spare time?"

"It's nice to see you too Greg. I'm here to make good on that favor you owe me."

"Anything for you, name it."

"I need a blood test and I need the results rushed." The man looked concerned and ushered Alex and Olivia into an exam room, closing the door behind them.

"Are you alright Alexandra, you're not sick are you."

"No, nothing like that. Greg this is my wife Olivia and she needs the blood test. We've been trying to get pregnant using IVF and she's been feeling sick and the home test was positive, but before we celebrate we'd like a confirmation via blood test." The doctor nodded and turned to Olivia, "It's nice to meet you Olivia; I haven't seen Alex this excited over anything in years. Now let me grab some supplies then we will draw some blood." He walked out of the room only to return a minute later with three viles and some tools to draw blood. Olivia thankfully has very good veins so it didn't take long to get the sample.

"I'll put this on a priority rush and with any luck I can have the results to you by late this evening, at the latest tomorrow morning." Alex gave the man a kiss on the cheek and thanked him as did Olivia. "Try not to be such a stranger Alexandra, the two of you should come around more often. I'll call you tonight when I have the results. Have a good afternoon ladies and Alexandra, no climbing trees."

Olivia put her jacket back on and looked back at Alex, "so you were a tree climber huh?"

"More like I fell out of them a lot. That's how I know Greg so well, he was always the one to stitch me up and when I got older I helped him with some legal issues his son was having. If anyone can make those results come faster it's him and he'd do anything for me."

"He looked so determined, he'd probably go run it himself if you had asked him too."

"He probably will knowing him."

"You have the most useful favors to be called in."

"After working with you guys I don't have many work related favors left, but I still have quite a few personal ones." Alex pulled out of the parking garage and headed for the house, "we should grab some groceries just to pretend that we actually went somewhere." They quickly pulled into a grocery store and grabbed a few things to help with dinner before they made it back to the house. No one really questioned where they had gone, mostly because they brought home food with them. The kitchen was overrun with people cooking on practically every surface that was clear. The kids set the table as best they could and helped their parents get the food to the table. Dinner was loud and crazy, like it always is when that many family members are in one place, but it was nice to have everyone back in the same place.

After the dinner plates were cleared, the kids went to go watch a movie and the adults settled in for dessert and coffee. When Kim sat the coffee in front of Olivia and Alex, Olivia quietly excused herself before the smell could cause her to throw up. Her phone was vibrating in her pocket so she said she had to take the call and left the room. She went upstairs and into the bathroom inside their bedroom on the chance she actually did throw up. She kept talking into her phone to a nurse at Tanner's office, eventually the doctor took the phone from the nurse.

"Good evening Olivia, I meant to call sooner, but my last patient took longer than I thought. Anyway I have those blood test results for you and I can tell you that the home test you took was spot on, you are pregnant. If you call my office next week I can send your results to your doctor in the city. Congratulations to you and Alexandra." Truthfully Olivia didn't hear anything after he said you're pregnant. She thanked the doctor and hung up the phone resting her head against the wall behind her trying hard not to cry, but she couldn't help it, happy tears were steadily falling down her face. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Kim stuck her head through the door.

"You ok Liv?"

"Fine, I was just, well I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing." Kim smiled and sat down next to Olivia. "Well it looks like you are sitting on the floor of the bathroom crying and maybe throwing up." They sat in silence for a minute before Kim broke the silence, "so does Allie know you're pregnant?"

"How did you…?"

"You forget I've been pregnant twice, I know what pregnancy looks like, but don't worry no one else knows."

"Alex and I were trying to keep it under wraps till we were sure and the doctor called and confirmed, but I still kind of what to wait till the first trimester is over."

"I get you and no worries I'm not going to say anything to anyone." Kim stood up and helped Liv up and hugged her, "congrats mom." The two women went back downstairs and joined their families again. Alex looked to Olivia to say something about the phone call. Olivia just offered her a smile and kissed her. She didn't have to say it, Alex knew what the doctor had said and she knew they would celebrate later, but for the time being they were happy sharing a relaxing night with their family.

**Short I know, but I have homework to worry about again and I promise I will update ASAP, just review and stick with me. Thanks.**


	15. For Good

Eventually everyone had to return home, Haddie had to get back to school and finish practicing for the school musical and Alex and Liv had work waiting for them. They did, however, make plans with their family to come see Haddie's play opening night. She and the rest of the kids had been working non-stop for months and she was exhausted, but the teen would have been lying if she said she didn't love every waking minute of it. The long hours and all nighters paid off when in early April they were ready for their grand debut. The whole family really did come in to see the performance and then everyone was going to the apartment afterwards to celebrate. When the big day had arrived Haddie went to school as usual, but instead of coming home after school she went straight to rehearsal and after eating dinner with the cast she got into hair, makeup and costume. Outside Alex and Olivia had got out of their way to reserve enough seats, after all their family even minus the little kids was rather sizable. They saved two seats closest to the stage for themselves and Josh, who Haddie thought couldn't make opening night, sat next to Alex. Josh brought his camera and set it up at Olivia's feet and made sure Olivia could move it as needed. They managed to save the second and third row of seats and that is where the Cabot's and the SVU team including Don, Liz and Lena all settled in just as the lights were signaling the beginning of the show.

The show began and Haddie and the whole cast did a beautiful job and Olivia and Alex were floored by how beautifully Haddie sang and performed. The music softened and Haddie was alone on stage and Olivia grabbed tissues out of her purse because she knew that tears would start now and might never stop. Haddie took a deep breath and joined in with the music:

Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl

Olivia caught Josh moving uncomfortable in his seat and part of her laughed inside at the boy's actions. She knew part of him wanted to scream out that Haddie was that girl and he was that boy.

Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And heaven knows  
I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl...

As the music faded away tears were in Haddie's eyes as the entire room burst into applause. Elliot tapped Liv on the shoulder and when she turned around he asked where that came from and Liv shook her head, she didn't know, but she was so proud of her daughter. Josh stood up and clapped and whistled only to be pulled down a minute later by Liz in an attempt to save the poor boy's pride. The rest of the first act went wonderfully and Defying Gravity floored everyone and had them on their feet as the intermission curtain fell. For 15 minutes Alex and Olivia were stopped by parents and teachers and told how wonderful Haddie was and they couldn't have been prouder. Their family was shocked; they knew Haddie could sing, but her performance was honestly blowing them away. They all excitedly took their seats for the second act and of course it was just a flawless as the first one and as it came to the end Olivia repositioned the camera to get a better shot of the finale scenes and song. When it was just the two lead females on stage Olivia zoomed in and after fixing the camera grabbed tight to Alex's hand and listened to her daughter sing.

**(Haddie)**

I'm limited  
Just look at me - I'm limited  
And just look at you  
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda  
So now it's up to you  
For both of us - now it's up to you...

**(Glinda)**

I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives for a reason

While her costar sang Haddie looked out to the audience and found her mothers and smiled with a tear in her eye, this song was going to be emotional for everyone because the songs message held a special message for the teen and her family.

Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led  
To those who help us most to grow  
If we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you  
I have been changed for good 

Pushing back tears Haddie started to sang again.

**(Haddie)**

It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime  
So let me say before we part  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you  
You'll be with me  
Like a handprint on my heart  
And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have re-written mine  
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you

**(Glinda**) Because I knew you

**(Both)** I have been changed for good

**(Haddie)**

And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the thing I've done you blame me for

**(Glinda) **

But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

**(Glinda)** Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood

**(Haddie)** Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

**(Both**) Who can say if I've been  
Changed for the better?  
I do believe I have been  
Changed for the better

**(Glinda)** And because I knew you...

**(Haddie)** Because I knew you...

**(Both)** Because I knew you...  
I have been changed for good.

When the two girls tearfully embraced onstage the audience went crazy. Alex and Olivia were the first out of their seats followed by almost everyone else, even though there was one more scene left. Tears were flowing from everyone eyes but Alex, Liv and the rest of their friends and family were steadily crying at the beauty of the scene they just witnessed. When the commotion had died down the show wrapped up and the kids started to come onto stage to take their bows and when Haddie and the other lead were the only two left, the other girl came out first and after a thunderous applause she stepped aside and Haddie ran out from behind the curtain causing the applause to grow even louder. Her family was already on their feet, but her uncles were whistling loud and shouting her name and everyone was in general screaming out for her and Haddie gracefully bowed and smiled. Olivia and Alex both saw a look in Haddie's eye as she rose from her bow: she was overwhelmed and shocked at the out pour of praise she was receiving from strangers. She was trying not to cry too hard, but when the lights came back on she was being hugged pretty tightly by her co star and the two girls were crying and laughing. Haddie had never done anything like that in front of so many people and the idea that so many people liked what she did was the best feeling a girl could feel after living what she had lived through. As the cast made their way into the audience to meet with family and friends Haddie ran through a sea of people and straight to her mothers.

"You were absolutely flawless and wonderful baby." Alex beamed as she hugged her daughter tightly. "I don't know what to say to that Haddie, you we're amazing and you blew everyone including us away. We are so proud of you honey." Olivia joined in on the family hug. Eventually they all let go and Haddie and she was immediately surrounded by her family and her parents' coworkers. More hugs and tears followed for about 10 minutes and Alex looked around for Josh, but she couldn't find the boy. She finally looked up and saw him coming down the center aisle holding a single rose in his hand and a huge goofy grin on his face. Alex knew in that moment that the rose he held was going to mean more to Haddie then the very expensive bouquet Bill had bought for Haddie. She waved at Elliot who sent Haddie over to her, "yeah mom."

"Before you go and met the rest of your adoring fans, there is one that I think you'll want to see first." Alex turned Haddie so she was facing the other direction and when she saw Josh she dropped what she had in her hands and ran fill tilt down the aisle until she basically took a running leap into Josh. Thankfully he caught her and the tears started all over again, she really was very surprised to see that Josh had made it, but it meant the world to her that he had came. When she finally broke away from him Josh smiled and handed her the flower, "I know I told you I couldn't come tonight, but I wouldn't have missed this for the world. So what if I fail that chem test, seeing you up there like that was worth it. You were beautiful and perfect and awesome and other adjectives that I can't think of." Haddie laughed at his ramblings and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing his hand as she took off to see her friends.

Alex and Olivia and the whole family had watched the interaction and Liz was the first to saw something. "Anyone want to start a bet on when they start dating or should we just be honest with ourselves and put money on the wedding now." Everyone took out their wallets and Alex and Olivia just laughed. "I did say she would marry him someday." Liv pointed out.

"Yes dear you did and maybe you're right, but how about we wait until she's old enough drive before we start planning the wedding."

"Deal, come on we should get back to the house and prep for the party, Josh said he would take her home after they mingled a little bit." They all made their ways to cars and eventually found themselves back at Alex and Olivia's apartment. The party was fairly packed when you consider how large a family they have, plus all the SVU gang. Olivia excused herself and Alex followed he into the bedroom.

"You ok Liv?"

"I'm just nervous."

"Why?"

"Alex we are telling out friends and family that we are having a baby, this is big news."

"Yeah, and they are going to flip out and be super excited. They are going to be so happy for us and I will be right there with you, ok?" Olivia nodded and smiled, "ok. Let's do this." They rejoined the party and as Elliot sat down the cake he and Kathy had brought Alex clinked a glass to get everyone's attention.

"Well everyone, we are so glad you could make it out here tonight to see Haddie perform in her opening night and celebrate her amazing job with this little party. We are going to cut the cake in just a minute, but before we do there is some really important news we all want to share with you." Alex looked at Liv who cleared her throat, "it's official that this time next year I will be the Sergeant of the SVU." Everyone clapped and congratulated her and John smiled big at his replacement. "That being said it's going to take a year for everything to settle down and fall into place, lots of paperwork and that kind of thing and I would start sooner, but my maternity leave starts in three months." The entire room went silent and then was promptly broken by Kim saying, "thank god you told them I was about to die keeping that secret. Alex knocked Liv up everybody, so I will take your money in any form, I do accept checks with valid forms of ID."

"What is it with this family and betting on my life?" Alex huffed.

"It's easy money." Kim shot back. Everyone crowed the couple and started hugging and crying all over again. Elliot wrapped Liv up in a big bear hug and then leaned down to talk to her belly which was still not showing much signs of being pregnant. "Listen kiddo, you mommy is the best lady I have ever known and you're so lucky because you have two ladies that are gonna love you something fierce, plus you have a kick ass big sister." Liz and Lena walked to Alex and hugged her, Lena offered some advice, "pray this child adopts Olivia demeanor Alexandra, I don't need another Cabot to hold in contempt of court."

The rest of the night was wonderful and full of joy and celebration. When the party was over and Alex and Olivia were asleep Haddie was in her room working at her desk. She was cutting out a part of the play program and gluing it into a baby book she was starting for the baby. It was the dedications and bio pages of the actors and the end of hers read: "And to my mothers, thank you for loving me and showing me the true meaning of love and family… 'I've heard it said, That people come into our lives for a reason, Bringing something we must learn… I know I'm who I am today, Because I knew you… because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

**Sorry for the wait guys, senior year is destroying my soul (damn college). Hope this made up for the wait. Review for more.**


	16. Prenatal Trickster

The next few months passed quickly for all three women. Haddie finished with the play and started getting ready for the last few weeks of school and finals. Alex and Olivia were balancing work, family and getting ready for the new baby. The whole house was excited over planning for the new baby; Haddie would spend her free time looking up names for the baby, Liv and Alex would pour over the names that Haddie would show them and when they had time they would work on changing the office into a nursery.

On this day, Liv left work early because even though she was riding a desk she felt exhausted and her morning sickness had yet to subside. When she got home the house was empty which she was almost thankful for. She walked into the bedroom and changed into something far more comfortable, but the peaceful feeling didn't last long as she once again made a run for the bathroom. After throwing up for the third time that day she brushed her teeth and made her way into the living room. She sat down on the floor with the box that held the crib that she and Alex had picked out the week before. As she laid out all the pieces she wondered why they didn't just pay someone to put the thing together.

"Come on Olivia, how hard can putting a crib together be?" She laughed at herself thinking that this would be easy; it wasn't. She was doing well till she put on piece on backwards and then things got worse from there. About an hour later she had fallen asleep on the floor with the piece scattered around her and the directions still clutched in her hand. Now, Joshua had told Haddie he would swing by around 3 so Josh knocked on the front door only to see that it was unlocked. He took a small step inside, "Detective Benson, Mrs. Cabot, anyone home?" The sudden noise woke Olivia up and she quickly sat up from her position on the floor, "Josh, how'd you get in?"

"The door was unlocked Detective Benson, sorry I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, it's fine honey, I think the crib got the better of me and I fell asleep." She gestured to the mess around her and Josh tried not to laugh. "Those instructions weren't meant for regular people to read I swear, I usually put stuff together without them, it's easier."

"Really?"

"Well my dad and granddad both work in construction so I've been taught by the best, so I guess I should say it's easy for me."

Olivia smiled, "well clearly I lack your skilled hands for this kind of work so I gave up. Maybe Alex and Haddie can figure it out when they got home. This old lady is going to shower and try to take another nap." Olivia started to stand but soon stopped.

"Josh?"

"Yeah Detective Benson?"

"Can you help me up? My belly is making it rather difficult to get up on my own." The teen smiled and walked over to her, offering her his hand and quickly pulling her up. "I can come back when Haddie gets home, that way you can rest."

"Don't be silly I'm going to shower then take another nap so you won't bother me. Besides she and Alex should be home soon. Help yourself to the fridge and you know how the TV works. Olivia disappeared into the master bedroom and Josh sat down on the couch. About an hour later Olivia was woken up by the beeping on the oven timer. She threw on a jacket and walked into the kitchen to find Alex finishing dinner.

"Look who finally woke up. You feel any better?"

"Better after that nap, but I threw up when I left the station today and I'm beyond tired."

"Well, you're growing another human inside you babe, being tired is kind of to be expected and maybe we should ask the doctor about the excess nausea; it should have subsided by now."

"Good thing my appt. is tomorrow. When did you get home anyway?"

"About 20 minutes ago, Haddie and Josh were here and Josh said you were sleeping so I told them to go do something. They left to go meet friends for a movie, so it's just you and me for dinner." As Olivia finished setting the table, Alex put down the food and started to serve it. "The crib looks great by the way; looks like you didn't have too many problems." Olivia looked at Alex like she was insane, "what are you talking about, when I got in the shower that thing was half put together and the rest of it was scattered about the living room."

"Well that's not what it looks like now." Alex pointed to the living room and when Liv looked up the crib was finished and the living room was back in order. "Alex I have no idea how that happened, it was a disaster when I left it." Liv stood up from the table and walked over to the crib and she spotted a piece of paper taped to it. She walked back to the kitchen and handed the paper to Alex. "I think I found our crib fairy." Alex read the note that was scribbled in messy hand writing.

'_I thought that maybe you could use a hand putting this together. If you'd like I can stain it to match any furniture you put in the nursery. I hope I didn't over step my bounds, but Detective Benson looked tired so I wanted to help. –Josh'_

"He did say that it would be easy to put together. That kid is something else." Liv laughed as she finished her food.

"He likes our daughter and I think he wants to do all he can to win our favor."

"Well after putting that thing together he has mine."

"You know eventually we have to discuss her dating him, we both know it's gonna happen."

"Well we did tell her that once she was 15 and more stable she could date, but I think she's scared. When she's ready the will figure it out. Until then they seem happy being friends."

"I guess you're right. And as an added bonus he can build things." The two finished their dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. Around 9 Haddie walked in the front door.

"How was the movie?"

"Terrible, we left half way through and got ice cream. Josh was gonna walk me up but parking was bad so he dropped me off and said to say goodnight. Hey, you finished the crib, it looks great."

"That's because your boyfriend put it together for us." Haddie's face turned super red, "he isn't my boyfriend."

"Yet." Alex corrected. Haddie rolled her eyes, "well he did a nice job and if we're done playing let's embarrass our daughter, I'm going to go finish homework. Goodnight."

The next morning Alex and Olivia both had the morning off for their doctor appt. Haddie left for school and they left to head to the doctors office. Thankfully, they didn't have to wait long and Olivia was quickly brought into a exam room. Once the nurse was gone Olivia started playing with her wedding band, her telling sign that she is nervous.

"It's gonna be fine." Alex kissed her forehead and tried to steady her hands.

"I know, I'm just nervous, so many things could go wrong Allie."

"I know, I'm nervous too, but everything is gonna be fine just watch." At that moment the doctor walked into the room. "Good morning ladies, how are we doing this morning?"

"Nauseous."

"Morning sickness still hasn't subsided huh?"

"No and it's really unsettling, is something wrong?"

"Every woman experiences pregnancy differently. Some throw up for 9 months some never have it at all and it changes with each baby."

"Great, so I'm gonna puke for another 4 months?"

"I highly doubt that, why don't we take a look and see how the baby is doing and then we can talk about helping you with the nausea. So just lay back and roll your shirt up to your bra." Olivia knew the drill and did as she was told and Alex took a seat next to her and held her hand. This wasn't their first sonogram, but the last one was hard to read because the baby was hiding from them. The doctor squeezed the gel onto Olivia and started moving it around her belly with the wand.

"Let's see if your little one is less shy today." The doctor flipped the screen on and they all stared at it; not that Liv or Alex knew what to look for. After a few seconds the doctor pointed to the screen, "well we have a much better shot today so the question is do you want to know the sex?" They both nodded.

"Ok then, let's see if I can get a good shot, good news is with the regular scan and these 3D images it's a pretty clear picture." The doctor paused and looked at the screen and started to smile. "Well, I think I found the reason for the excess vomiting."

"What, what's wrong?" Alex was borderline hysteric.

"Nothing at all," she turned the screen again so they got a better look, "when women have increased vomiting it usually means one of two things. One, pregnancy doesn't agree with you or two, your carrying more than one baby." She hit the button that took a still shot and she showed it them.

"What are you saying?" Liv was shocked, they both were.

The doctor pointed to one spot on the screen, "I'm saying that there is your baby and there is his twin. He must have been hiding behind baby number one over here; they were tricking you."

"He?" Alex was stunned, but a big goofy smile was plastered across her face.

"They?" Olivia was just as stunned, but her smile and the tears in her eyes were impossible to hide.

"Congrats ladies, you're going to be the proud parents of twin boys. This explains the excess vomiting and why your belly developed so quickly."

"Did she just call me fat?" Alex waved Olivia off and just kept staring at the screen; they were having two babies, two baby boys.

"I'll go make copies of these for you, the 3D one turned out nicely, looks like these boys are gonna handsome men." The doctor cleaned up the extra gel and left the room. Alex turned to Liv, "Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"We're having twins?"

"I know."

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Allie."

The doctor returned with the photos and a dvd of the scan. They made another appt. for two weeks later, got a lab order for blood work and left to go home. When they walked in the front door Haddie and Josh were at the table doing homework.

"Hey moms."

"Hey detective Benson, Mrs. Cabot."

"How'd the appointment go?"

"Really well, very surprising results." Alex smiled big.

"What does that mean? Did you find out the sex of the rugrat?"

"Sure did." Olivia played coy.

"Well?" Haddie was growing impatient.

"You can stop looking for baby girl names." Olivia watched Haddie's face light up. "It's a boy? Ha, you owe me lunch Josh. That's totally amazing you guys."

"You need to stop hanging with your Aunt if this gambling thing is something you adopt. You're happy with having a brother right?"

"Totally, I mean, as long as he stays out of my stuff." Alex very causally slipped in, "how would you feel about having two?" Haddie looked up in shock, "you're kidding."

Alex smiled and shook her head, "let's just say that we need Josh's help with putting another crib together." Josh lit up this time, "it'd be my pleasure Mrs. Cabot." Then he turned to Haddie, "and now you owe me lunch."

Olivia was shocked, "you bet on me having twins?"

"My aunt had the same symptoms you had when she was pregnant with my cousins. Now, I'd love to stay longer, but my mom needs a lift home from work. Let me know when you need the new crib set up and I'll come by." The boy packed his books into his bag and stood up from the table. "Night Everyone." Haddie got up to walk him to the door. "Night Josh." Olivia and Alex watched as they stopped at the door and Josh gave Haddie a kiss on the cheek before walking out the door. Haddie sat down with a goofy grin on her face and Olivia sat down next to her. "So that was a nice kiss goodbye." Haddie blushed hard and tried to ignore her mother. "You know if you wanted to actually go on a date with him, we'd let you go."

"We're talking about it."

"Talking about what exactly?"

"Us, dating, feelings, you know stuff."

"And?"

"He wants to ask me out, I told him ok, he said he wanted to ask me properly so I'm waiting for him to make his move."

"That's so cute. Just so we're clear, you do like him?"

"Yeah I do." Olivia smiled, she liked seeing her daughter happy, Lord knows she deserved it.

"Good now your mom and I are heading down to the station to tell the guys, we'll be back soon ok?" With that she and Alex left out the door and headed to the 1-6 station house.

When they walked into the pen Elliot was sitting at his desk. "Hey there partner, thought you had the day off?"

"I do, but we had something to show you guys."

"Well, Munch and Fin are finishing an interview, but the lawyer just showed up so…" At that moment both of them emerged from the side room. "Guys Liv has something to show us." Olivia handed Elliot the picture, who, after looking briefly broke into a huge smile. "No fair Elliot has a million kids; I haven't read a sonogram in years." Fin huffed.

"Elliot would you like to explain?" Alex grinned and Elliot held up the picture. "See this blob here?" The men nodded. "That's the heartbeat." He moved his finger to the right about an inch, "and that's the other one. It seems Olivia here is having twins and from the looks of it twin boys." Elliot looked so proud of himself when Liv nodded.

"El is right we're having twin boys." Alex beamed and the men started freaking out and congratulating the girls. Alex slipped out and headed to the office and saw that Liz and Lena were in a meeting with Serena and Casey so she left a copy of the picture with her assistant and asked that she deliver it when they were done with the meeting. She went back to the station and she and Olivia left to head home.

After a few hours they had started dinner and were only interrupted when the phone rang. "Mom, its Aunt Kimmy for you." Alex left the kitchen and took the phone from her daughter. "Hey Kim."

"Hey there baby sister, so Aunt Carol is all over me about setting a date for a baby shower so I figure I'd call so you and the wife can pick a date." Alex looked to Olivia and shouted, "wife, we have to pick a date for the baby shower."

Olivia laughed, "Alright we will, you should tell your sister." Alex shot her a questioning look; they hadn't discussed telling family yet.

"Tell me what?"

"She's gonna find out soon enough, she should hear it from you."

"OMG, hear what from you Lexi, spill."

Olivia smiled and nodded so Alex took a deep breath, "we had out sonogram today."

"So am I getting a niece or a nephew this summer."

"Neither."

"Lexi, I know that Biology was never your strong suit, but you only have two choices in this."

"What I mean is that you aren't getting **a** niece or nephew, you're getting two nephews." The line went super quiet. "You're joking."

"I'm very serious." The scream of joy that came from her sister caused Alex to jerk the phone away from her ear. "Lexi that is so amazing and awesome, I want pictures and details."

"I'll email you the pictures and the details. I think we're going to email everyone the news so they hear it from us and they can call and freak out at their leisure."

"Can I still say that I heard it first?"

"Sure."

"Awesome, well get back to me with a date and congrats to you and Liv, tell my niece I said goodnight and my nephews that they cost me major money."

"Goodnight Kimberly." Alex hung up with her sister and before she sat down to dinner she and Haddie scanned the picture into the computer and Alex wrote and email to her family explaining the news they had received. She and Olivia didn't want to have to call every single member of the family and this way they all had the picture so it was best for everyone. She sent the email and sat down to dinner with her family and simply enjoyed the peace. Of course ten minutes in her phone started ringing as did the house phone. She turned them both off, she wanted to talk to her family, but this was her time to enjoy her wife and her daughter and the good news they had gotten that day, so everyone else could wait another half an hour.

Back at Liz's office they had just finished their meeting and her assistant handed Liz her messages and on top was the sonogram photo. She looked it over and went back into the conference room. "Ladies I'm afraid we have a problem." Casey, Serena and Lena all looked up. "What now?" Serena was done working for the day; they all wanted to go home. Liz handed them the picture, "our problem is now Alexandra will be raising two babies to one day make our lives far more complicated." She smiled as all three women changed their frowns to huge grins and Serena tried calling Alex, but got the voicemail. Liz smiled, "well we can only hope they inherit Olivia's common sense or in 14 years we can all expect two male versions of Alexandra causing quite the stir in this city."

**Sorry for the super long wait, but grad school aps are kicking my ass and with work and school I'm super busy. I worked on this for about a week so I hope it makes up for the wait. I know exactly what the next chapter will be and it will have some angst, but no worries nothing is gonna happen to the babies, but review if you want to see whose life I make a little bit harder for a chapter. Thanks everyone.**


	17. Go On And Fall

Liv had an amnio at the insisting of her doctor and her wife and thankfully the scans came back clear; both boys were healthy and developing well. Over the next few weeks

Olivia realized that the only thing that didn't make her throw up was mac and cheese so she ate it with almost every meal. Alex got very good at making mac and cheese in different variations in an effort to make it less boring for Liv. By this point Liv was 7 months pregnant and was not enjoying the heat wave that was ripping through New York at the time. For early May it was unseasonable warm and while the station was air conditioned Liv was not comfortable. Elliot finally bought a fan and put it next to her desk. That enabled her to at least do paper work comfortably. Around 2 Serena and Casey walked thought the doors and into the 1-6 bull pen.

Olivia was in the bathroom again, but Elliot looked up from his desk to see the two attorneys with not happy looks on their faces. "What's with the sad faces ladies? Who died?" He joked but when they remained serious panicked. "What did someone actually die?"

"Where is Olivia?" Casey finally spoke.

"Bathroom why, is it Alex or Haddie, are they ok?" Elliot stood up from his desk practically hyperventilating.

Serena stepped toward him waving her hand. "They are both fine, but we got a call from the prison today."

"And?"

"Haddie's father was killed this morning."

Casey stepped in, "apparently there is still an honor among thieves and once others knew he abused his child they plotted against him.

"How did he die?"

"Not many people survive a shiv attack, he was stabbed eight times and two of them cut through arties, he bled out within minutes."

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Alex and Haddie know yet?"

"Alex is in court and we figured they would want to tell Haddie together."

"Tell Haddie what?" They all turned to see Liv walking toward them.

"Her father was killed this morning in prison."

"Does Allie know?"

"We came here first, she's still in court and we thought we could come take you to her and then drive you home. We figured telling Haddie should come from you guys."

Olivia sighed, "you're right, we should tell her, but it's not going to be pretty."

"I thought she hated her dad." Finn jumped into the conversation.

"It's still her father, I hated my mother for a long time, but when she died it still hurt. She may hate him, but he still was her father and his death is going to dig up a lot of painful memories."

"Grab your stuff, Alex should be done soon and we'll drive you over to the courthouse." Olivia looked to Elliot, "I'll tell the Capt. Go, I'll call you later." All 3 women got in the car and headed to the court house, but on the way hit a huge traffic jam.

While they waited for traffic to clear Alex had just left court and was packing her things up in her office when she heard a knock. "Enter." When she looked up, there was Liz looking deadly serious. "What's wrong?" Alex knew something was up.

"Mr. Morino was stabbed to death in prison this morning."

"Does anyone else know?" Alex was shocked but hardly upset.

"Serena and Casey left to go tell Olivia and bring her here."

"Good we will tell Haddie when we get home." Liz nodded and then Alex's phone rang.

"Cabot."

"Mrs. Cabot? It's Josh."

"Joshua, shouldn't you still be…" The normally very polite teen cut her off, "Mrs. Cabot, something is wrong."

"What happened, are you and Haddie ok?"

"Her phone went off and when she checked her messages, it was from her mom, her birth mom. Next thing I know she ran out of the library in tears. I went after her, but she took off running and she dropped her phone. I listened to the message…is her dad really dead?"

"Yes he is Joshua. Do you think she was heading to the house?"

"I don't know, but wherever she is going she's running fast."

"Damn it, ok Josh I'm gonna find her and I'll call you back later after you get out of class."

"I can skip my last class." The poor boy sounded so desperate.

"No, honey, I promise as soon as we find her I will call you and let you know what is happening."

"Ok, I hope you find her soon Mrs. Cabot." And with that he hung the phone and Alex flew into ADA mommy mode. She picked the phone back up and dialed a number very quickly.

"Flynn its Alex Cabot, how the hell did one of your prisoners get my daughter's phone number?" Alex was beyond pissed. "Well haul her ass in and find out." She slammed the phone down and turned to Liz. She grabbed her keys and briefcase and rushed out the door. "Come on, we'll call Liv on the way."

"On the way where, what's going on Alexandra?"

"Haddie knows about her dad because her mother called and told her. She left school and Josh thinks she's headed to the apartment."

"How did her mother get her number?"

"I don't know but as soon as I find out someone is either going to lose their job or their life." They got into the elevator and Alex jumped into her car and Liz followed behind her while trying to call Olivia. Liv heard her phone and quickly answered it, "Benson."

"Olivia it's Liz…" in the next few seconds Liz told Olivia everything they knew.

"Serena, change of plans go to the apartment and step on it." The desperation in her voice told Serena not to question and she did what she was told. They broke several laws, but they got to the apartment quickly and when they pulled up out front Olivia got out of the car and as fast as she could, made her way inside.

"John, did Haddie come through here?"

"Yes Ma'am, she came running through here about 15 minutes ago." Olivia rushed inside and hit the elevator button repeatedly like it would make it come any sooner. Once they got to the door Olivia dug for her keys and opened the door. They could hear the music coming from Haddie's room and so Olivia made a mad dash to the end of the hall. When she tried the handle it was locked so she knocked loudly. "Haddie, baby, please open the door."

"Please go away." She could hear her voice barely, but it was loud enough and it was clear she had been crying.

"Haddie, I can't do that. Honey I know you are upset, but you need to let me in."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what baby?"

"I wasn't strong enough, I'm sorry." The music got quieter and Liv could now clearly hear her daughter crying. At that moment Alex came bursting through the door with Liz tailing her. "Is she here?"

"She's here and she won't come out or open the door." Alex hit the door desperately, "Haddie, honey you really need to open the door."

"Please go away." Alex leaned against the door and started to cry. "Baby I can't do that. I have to make sure that you're ok and I can tell that you aren't so I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want help, I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do honey and I can help you, but you have to unlock the door."

"I already broke my promise." Alex and Liv knew what she was talking about and they started to panic. Alex backed away from the door and grabbed her phone. "Who are you calling?"

"She isn't gonna open that door for us because she is ashamed. Out best and only chance is Josh." Alex walked away and started talking into the phone. She quickly hung up, "he's on his way, but we have to think about what to do if he has no luck in getting her out."

"What about picking the lock?" Serena suggested.

"Tried it, she's leaning against the door. Even if I got it open, it would hurt her."

"No offense guys, but you may not have a choice." They both knew that their friend was right, but they hoped that Josh would be able to get through to Haddie. As Alex and Liv tried to figure out their options they heard footsteps and then the doorbell. Liz opened the door and josh practically fell through the now open door and made his way to where Liv and Alex were standing. "I got here as fast as I could."

"Did you drive?"

"Ran, you said she was in danger and traffic is bad right now. She still in there." Olivia nodded and Josh went to the door and knocked on it. "Haddie? Come on baby open the door."

"Josh?"

"Yeah Haddie, it's me. Do you think you could open the door and let me in?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what babe?"

"I was doing good and I was happy and then he came back into my life an fucked it all up. He isn't even alive anymore and he's still hurting me."

"Honey you can go back to being happy, but sometimes you literally have to bury your ghosts to be able to move on." It got quiet again and Alex moved closer to the door and Liv stopped her. "He's doing better than we were, let him try."

"Haddie, baby, you need to keep talking to me."

"Why?"

"Because the second I hear you stop talking I'm gonna bust this door down to save you."

"I don't want you to see me. It's bad…so ugly."

"Are they still bleeding Haddie?"

"So ugly," she almost whispered it.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Why?"

"Because all of you is beautiful to me."

"You're lying?"

"Nope, I'm super serious."

"Why do you love me so much?"

"That's like asking me why I like breathing; it's effortless and natural. I can't stop loving you, ever."

"You deserve better."

"Not possible, you're the best and if I have you, then that's all I ever need."

"Everyone is gonna be made at me."

"No one is mad honey, just concerned, but not mad."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore." Josh sunk to the floor with his back to the door. He cradled is head in his hands and started to cry softly. Alex and Liv watched with broken hearts while the boy tried ot pull himself together. The music started to play again and all of a sudden josh started beating on the door.

"Haddie. Damn it, Hadassah, you don't get to do this. I can't imagine what you had to go through with those people, I know it was hell and I can't take that away from you. But I will not give you up without a fight. You have 2 mothers that love you more than anything and you have 2 brothers on the way that need their awesome big sister to be there for them. Your family loves you, I love you. Now if you don't believe me, fine, I'll just sit here and tell you about it. Play that playlist that I put on your ipod last week." Soon everyone could hear guitar music coming from the room and Josh started to sing along to it.

_I can't fight this feeling any longer  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow  
What started out as friendship has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show_

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I say there is no reason for my fear  
'Coz I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And ever as I wander I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I every thought I might

No I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars forever

No I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Or come crashing through your door  
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you  
I've been runnin' round in circles in my mind  
And it always seems that I'm following you girl  
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And ever as I wander I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I every thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars forever

No I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Or come crashing through your door  
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

Everyone was understandably shocked; no one knew josh could sing. And they were all very moved, but Haddie still stayed on her side of the door. Johe took a deep breath and started the next song.

Oh look there you go again  
Puttin' on that smile again  
Even though I know you've had a bad day  
Doin' this and doin' that  
Always puttin' yourself last  
A whole lotta give and not enough take  
But you can only be strong so long before you break  
So..

Fall  
Go on and fall apart  
Fall into these arms of mine  
I'll catch you every time you  
Fall  
Go on and lose it all  
Every doubt every fear  
Every worry every tear  
I'm right here  
Baby fall

He leaned against the door and kept singing.

Forget about the world tonight  
All that's wrong and all that's right  
Lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away  
And if you wanna let go  
Baby, it's okay

Hold on  
Hold on  
Hold on  
To me

"Haddie, there are 50 songs on that playlist and I will sing every last one of them until you open this door, ok." Josh told himself he would do one more before he started break the damn door down.

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,  
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.  
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,  
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.  
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,  
I won't let you fall...  
You're never gonna be alone  
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Josh heard Haddie moving around and he heard the door unlock, but he still waited for her to come out of the room on her own.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,  
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,  
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know... 

Haddie threw the door open and launched herself into josh's arms and he held on to her and finished the song.

You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,  
I won't let you fall.  
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.  
We're gonna see the world out,  
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Oh!  
You've gotta live every single day,  
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?  
Don't let it slip away,  
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.  
Every single day,  
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?  
Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,  
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,  
I won't let you fall.  
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.  
We're gonna see the world out,  
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,  
I won't be missing one more day,  
I'm gonna be there always,  
I won't be missing one more day.

Alex and Liv watched from a distance and Alex tried to soothe Olivia who was a mess; pregnancy hormones and crisis do not mix. While they were relieved that josh had gotten her out of the room they couldn't ignore the fact that they could see the new cut that were still bleeding. After about a minute of her crying Haddie started to calm down.

"Your shirt is ruined." She mumbled into his chest.

"I don't care about my shirt I care about you. Do you have any idea how scared I was when you took off and when your mom called…" The teen trailed off as his voice cracked. "Don't do that again, because this whole idea of spending one day without you is the worst kind of hellish nightmare."

"How can you still love me after all of this?"

"There isn't a thing you can do or say that would make me stop loving you."

"I don't deserve it." Josh pushed her back so she was looking at him and he spoke in a very serious tone. "No, don't you ever say that ok. I know that you've braved hell and I know they tried to break you, but you know what fuck them. They didn't break you because you are stronger than they could ever hope to be. I'm sorry they didn't love you like you deserved, but you deserve to be loved and look around. There is a living room full of people waiting to make sure you are ok, you moms have been waiting right here trying to help and before I came they were prepared to knock out a wall to get to you. That's how much you are loved. In two months you will have two brothers who need their big sister around to love them and protect them. And I love you damn it, more than I've ever loved anyone and I will never, ever stop. I can't lose someone I love again so you need to get used to the idea that people love you and need you around, cuz I can't do this without you. I will fight like hell to keep you here with me. You deserve all of this, all this love, you deserve that, ok." Tears were streaming down his face and his voice was faltering. No one had ever heard Josh yell, but this situation was unique.

Haddie shock her head, "he's dead, the bastard is dead and he is still hurting me. I'm upset over a ghost. I should be happy he's gone; instead all I can think about is why he did what he did. Why didn't he ever love me?" Josh pulled her close to him again and let her cry. He looked at Alex who was trying to comfort Olivia; no one knew how to answer that question.

"I don't know baby, I don't know." He scooped her up and carried her into her room. He sat down on the bed and placed Haddie in his lap and started to rocking her as she continued to cry. Eventually, Haddie settled down with her head laying on a pillow on top of Josh's lap while he rubbed her shoulders and back in an effort to keep her calm. Alex watched this happen and after letting Casey try to calm Liv down she went to find the first aid kit. She wanted to go and fix the cuts and hold her child, but she knew her being there would make matters worse right now so Serena offered to go and do it. Serena approached the bed and sat on the floor. "Haddie, sweetie would it be ok if I cleaned up the cuts?"

Haddie looked at her Aunt and slowly held out her arms. It took everything Serena had to not react, they were bad. "Oh Haddie." Serena gave the girl a sad smile and started to clean the cuts. She thought that some of them needed stitches, but at least they were no longer bleeding. When everything was clean and bandaged she got up and kissed her head before walking out of the room. Alex started listing questions as soon as she left the room; Serena calmed her down before she spoke.

"She's calm down so whatever break she was having she's coming out of it. You might want to give her her pill later to help her sleep. The cuts are clean and bandaged, but they were bad Alex. They weren't life threatening in that she wasn't deliberately trying to kill herself." Alex breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Have you talked to her doctor yet?"

"Alex nodded, "We have an appt. first thing in the morning and for now we just need ot watch her. She wants to discuss maybe putting her into a treatment program or a 72 hour hold." Alex looked like she was about to lose it so Serena gave her a hug. "She is gonna be fine and we will figure it all out. Besides Alex, those hospitals can help people a lot, maybe it's what she needs."

"She isn't crazy Serena."

"I know, but those programs can help give her some help that she isn't getting now and that she clearly needs. Talk about it with her and the doctor and see what they think ok?" Alex nodded. "Good, now Casey and I are going to go grab dinner and bring it back here ok." Alex thanked them and they left saying they would be back soon. Liz was working on briefs in the living room and Olivia was half asleep in the recliner in the living room. Alex walked over to her and kissed her head. "Hey sleepy."

"Hey."

"Serena and Casey went to go get food, so we'll eat soon."

"Ok, how is she?"

"I wish I knew."

"She needs to calm down first and sort through what she is feeling and maybe then she can talk to us. Till then at least she is letting him be there with her. Speaking of which, we should call his mother and explain what happened."

Olivia shook her head, "already did it, she's coming over with some of his things so he can sleep here. I figured even if she lets him leave the room, he won't leave her." Alex kissed her wife, "I married a genius."

"Lucky you."

"You doing ok though?"

"I'm just tired and stressed and I want to help my baby."

"I know and so do It, but you have to remember that you are growing two more babies and stress is not good for any of you."

"That's why I took a nap. Besides when Haddie is ready to talk I need the energy for that too." Alex smiled and was about to say something when the doorbell rang. She went to answer it and it was Josh's mother. "Hey Alex."

"Hi Nina, come on in, sorry about the mess."

"Please I wish my house was this clean." An awkward silence fell over them. "how is she doing?"

"Better that we can tell, but she is holding onto Josh for dear life."

"That is what Olivia said, may I?" She gestured to the bedroom where she heard her son softly singing; Alex nodded and went to join Liz in the living room. Olivia got up and met her in the hallway. They watched as Josh rubbed her back in circles and softly sang Hero to her. "You have the most amazing son."

"From what I hear you have the most amazing daughter."

"She trusts him and I never thought I would see her trust any man like that; it took her a while to warm up to my partner at work and he's her uncle."

"Josh has always had that soft touch when it comes to people, ever since he was little. He's got a big heart."

"He's a great kid; he's smart, he's polite, he can build things which has been great when we were trying to put the cribs up and he just is a genuinely sweet boy." Nina smiled, "I'll tell my husband we got at least one right." They chuckled slightly before remembering the situation. "Can I ask you something Nina?"

"Sure."

"Josh said he couldn't lose someone he loved again when he was talking to Haddie. What did he mean?"

Nina nodded and took a deep breath, "I'm shocked her said anything, he usually never does, no matter what we try to do he never wants to talk about it. About three years after josh was born we had another child, a girl. He loved his little sister, she was perfect in his eyes and she loved her big brother something fierce. When he was eight and she was five we woke one morning and she wasn't breathing. The doctors said it was a heart defect that was virtually undetectable; she died quickly in her sleep, very painless or so they assured me. We were devastated, but Josh seemed to take it the hardest; his little sister was his whole world and he lost it in the blink of an eye. Seeing Haddie go through all this, probably made him remember what happened with Hannah. He doesn't want to lose Haddie like he lost his sister."

"I don't even know what to say to that; I'm sorry seems like a stupid thing to say to something like that."

"It was no one's fault Olivia, but it took time to heal from that and any mother will tell you, when you bury your child, you bury a part of yourself with them."

"It explains why he is so protective of Haddie."

"He loves her, plain and simple. He'll sit there for the next week if you let him, he just wants to protect her."

"Then we share a common goal."

"Well, tell him to call when he can and I should really head home before my kids drive their father insane. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help, ok?"

"Thank you Nina." Nina closed the front door behind her and for the first time all day the apartment was quiet. Haddie had finally fallen asleep and josh was sitting on the bed holding her while she slept. Olivia watched and hoped that with some help, her daughter could find her way back to the happy place she had been in before this God awful mess occurred.


	18. Even If You Were Crazy

**Sorry for the wait you all, but school takes precedence. Thanks for being patient with me everyone.**

The next morning Josh woke up and he was still leaning against the wall with Haddie's head in his lap. She was still sound asleep and was thankful got it; she needed the rest. He carefully moved her head onto the pillow and climbed off the bed and made his way into the kitchen where Alex, Serena and Liz were sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"Good morning Joshua." Alex looked up to see the boy standing there.

"Morning Mrs. Cabot, ladies, would it be ok if I took a quick shower?"

"You know you don't have to ask. Towels are in the linen closet in the hall and your mom brought you some fresh clothes.

"My mom was here?"

"She was, the bag is in the hall closet. When you can your mom would like you to call home and check in."

"Yes ma'am."

"Joshua in light of what happened last night and all the things you did, I think it would be ok for you to call me Alex." The boy's face contorted with the thought of calling Alex by her first name, "I'll try to."

"Good, now can I make you something to eat."

"I don't want to make any trouble, I'll get food later."

"It's no trouble and I know for a fact you didn't eat last night. So eggs or pancakes?"

"Pancakes please?"

"With or without chocolate chips?"

The boy smiled, "with please."

"Alright then, they will be ready by the time you are done in the shower." He nodded and left to go into the bathroom. Serena turned around to Alex, "ok so if Haddie doesn't want him can I have him?" Liz and Alex laughed, "Two problems with that Serena, one, I'm pretty sure he is spoken for and two, you're gay, like super gay."

"Hey just because I enjoy the company of women, doesn't mean I don't want I well mannered boy hanging around me telling me nice things and being a gentlemen."

"Well, you'll have to fight your niece for him and I don't think she's going to give him up."

""Youth is wasted on the young."

"Serena has anyone ever told you that you are over dramatic?"

"Nope no one ever told me that." Serena smiled and all the women laughed. By the time that Josh had gotten out of the shower and got dressed Alex had finished cooking and had set the food out on the dining room table for people to dig into. When he started eating, he realized how hungry he was and ended up very thankful Alex had made him eat something. Olivia woke up and walked in and joined the group at the table. Josh finished his food and quickly went to go check on Haddie. She was still asleep but she had her appointment in an hour. Josh brushed a few stray hairs from her face and tried to wake her up.

"Haddie, come on babe you need to get up." The teen slowly opened her eyes and sat up in her bed. She looked at the bandages and then back at Josh. "I was hoping it had been a nightmare, guess I was wrong."

"It was a nightmare, but it happened in the real world if that's what you mean. You have a doctor's appointment in an hour, you should really eat something."

"Not hungry."

"You're lying and that wasn't a suggestion. I can make you something light if you don't feel like anything big, maybe a smoothie?"

She smiled, "that sounds good. Are my parents awake?"

"They're in the kitchen."

"I don't want to face everyone right now."

"That's fine, but eventually you're going to have to talk to them babe."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just tell the truth about your feelings and tell me what I can do to get you back to that happy, healthy place you were in before all this went down."

"What if they put me in the hospital?"

"Then they do, and I'd come visit you and send you flowers and I'd be waiting for you to come back to me. Those hospitals are good for people Haddie, they give them prospective and help them sort everything out."

"I'm not crazy."

"I never said that you were, but you do need help and I'm a supporter of however that happens."

"You'd still love me right, even if I was crazy?"

Josh smiled, "even if you were crazy." He kissed the top of her head and went into the kitchen. He turned to the women, "do you have a blender I could use?"

"Third cabinet on the left." Olivia pointed and Josh went about making Haddie something to eat. Liz needed to head into the office and she offered Serena a ride home so when they left only Alex, Liv and Josh remained in the kitchen. When the smoothie was done Haddie shyly walked into the room and sat down at the table. Josh put down the drink in front of her and sat down in one of the now empty chairs.

"Did you sleep ok?" Olivia hoped to cut the tension a little.

"That pill kind of knocked me out." The awkward silence settled over them again. "I'm sorry for what I did yesterday. I didn't mean to put you through all that stuff again."

Alex went over and kneeled in front of her daughter. "We know that you're hurting and we are going to help you through that hurting ok? But I will be honest with you, I have never been that scared in my entire adult life. I honestly thought we were going to lose you, so just promise me this much, when we talk to you doctor today, be honest with her. Even if you think it will upset me, I want you to be honest with her, ok?" Haddie looked Alex in the eye and could see the tears threatening to fall. "I promise." Alex stood up and gave her daughter a kiss on the top of her head, "good, now eat that and grab your stuff because I don't want to get caught in traffic." Haddie grabbed the drink and took it into her bedroom so she could finish getting ready.

Josh got up from the table and started to gather up his things. "I should head home and let you guys have family time."

"Josh, you don't have to leave, Olivia is staying here to get some rest so you are more than welcome to stay here, matter of fact I'd feel better if I knew someone else was home. Besides that extra crib finally got delivered so if you wanted to stay there is plenty to do." Alex smiled at the boy, knowing that deep down he didn't want to go home, not when he wasn't sure what was going to happen to Haddie. "I can take the crib outside on the balcony and work on it for you if you'd like."

"That would be great and Olivia can supervise and pretend like she did it." Josh laughed and Olivia looked less than amused by her wife's humor. "Love you babe." Alex kissed Olivia and hollered down the hall for Haddie. They left the apartment and by a stroke of luck they made it to their appointment on time. Since Alex had already told Haddie's doctor what had happened, Rachel only needed to talk to Haddie and hear her side of what happened. After an hour of sitting in the waiting room Alex finally got called in. She took a seat next to Haddie and braced herself for whatever decision the doctor had made regarding her treatment.

"Alex after talking to Haddie about what happened and hearing what you and Olivia have said I think we have come up with a treatment plan that will help everyone. While I think that a stay in the hospital would be good for her, Haddie and you and your wife have all stated opposition to that idea. Now usually I would still encourage you to rethink that, but I do have another option for treatment and I think that in the long run this will offer Haddie a larger opportunity to develop coping mechanisms that will be more long term. I would like to put her in outpatient therapy; she would come into the hospital for a few hours every day for a few weeks and would work with the patients that have therapy sessions as in patients, but at the end of the day she can go home. She'll get the same treatment essentially, but she won't have to actually be hospitalized."

Alex looked to her daughter, "that sounds like a good idea to me, what do you think?"

"I think I want to go back to the way things were before he died, I want to be happy again and I think this can help me, so I'm in." Alex looked back to Rachel, "I'll call Liv and let her know, how long are we looking at this program lasting?"

"Roughly two to four weeks. Then we can check in again and go from there. Here is the number of the head of the program and I'll let you call and set it up, just tell him I referred you and he will get everything started." Rachel handed Alex a piece of paper with the number on it and Alex put it in her purse. They thanked Rachelf or seeing them on such short notice and left to head home. Haddie was quiet in the car, but she seemed happier or if nothing else she seemed calm, at peace almost. Alex called Olivia from the car and told her they were on their way home. Back at the apartment, Olivia hung up with Alex and went outside to check on Josh. The teenager was almost done with the crib and Olivia was impressed.

"I give up; I've officially been out done by a 16 year old boy." The boy looked up from his work and blushed. "Seriously though Joshua it looks great and we all know I couldn't have put this together."

"It's nothing Detective Benson, besides I like building stuff, especially for the babies, makes me feel like I'm being helpful, even if it's something small."

"It's more than something small, you are totally saving our asses. I'm sure the babies will love it. I brought you some water so you don't die in this heat and I'll make some lunch a little later."

"Any news from Mrs. Cabot?"

"One, I know she told you to call her Alex and two, yes she called a few minutes ago and once the traffic on the bridge clears they will be home." Joshua perked up and all of a sudden looked like a puppy, "they? She's coming back, she's ok?"

"She's fine and I'm sure she will tell you all about when they get here. It occurred to me that I never thanked you."

"Thanked me for what? The crib…it's no big…" Olivia cut him off, "not the crib, for what you did last night. Alex was trying to keep me calm for the babies sakes, but if you hadn't been here and done what you did, I…I don't know what would have happened to her and I just wanted to…" Olivia wrapped the boy in a big hug, ignoring the fact that he was covered in sweat. "Thank you for saving her." The teenager looked taken aback and truthfully looked as if he was about to cry, "it was my pleasure, I didn't want to lose her either." They broke the hug and smiled, Josh went back to finishing the crib and Olivia went back inside where it was air conditioned. About 20 minutes later Haddie and Alex came walking in the front door. Haddie gave Olivia a kiss and quickly made her way outside to see Josh.

"I'm not crazy."

Josh smiled and laughed at her a little bit, "Well duh, I could have told you that, and for what it's worth insanity can only be determined in a court of law so you were never in any real danger of being labeled crazy, at least not legally."

"Fine, I'll just go find some other boy to share my good news with." Haddie started walk away in fake frustration when Josh called her back, "come back here and help me with this." Josh handed her a screwdriver and they about finishing the crib. Inside both Olivia and Alex watched them and for the first time in what seemed like forever Haddie smiled and it seemed genuine. "You think she's gonna be ok?" Olivia asked. "Yeah, I think she'll be just fine." Alex nodded almost reassuring herself it was true before retreating back into the kitchen.

**Review for more guys and thanks for the support so far. **


	19. Say An Ave There For Me

**Sorry for the long wait guys. My plan is to have this chapter cover the funeral of Haddie's dad, then have a chapter for the baby shower, then have the chapters where the twins make their grand entrance. Thanks for being patient and enjoy.**

It had been about three days since the news of Haddie's fathers' death had caused such uproar in the Benson-Cabot household and everything had gone back to some form of normal. Because his wife was also serving time for her own participation in child abuse, the next of kin was Haddie. Olivia and Alex offered to do everything for her, they told her she didn't even have to go to the service, but Haddie insisted that she do it all herself. When she discussed this with her therapist, Rachel suggested that maybe she wanted to plan the funeral herself because it gave her complete control over burying her father and hopefully the painful memories of her childhood along with him. She would spend hours in the living room with paperwork lying all around her and she would fill them all out: planning down to the last detail everything from flowers to the prayers said at the service. The only person that she would let help her with any of it was Joshua, so usually the boy would sit with her in the living room and help her make some of the more difficult decisions. Alex and Olivia would watch from the kitchen and they wanted desperately to help their daughter, but deep down they knew that this was something that she wanted to do for herself.

The night before the funeral Haddie laid out her clothes in her room and then returned to the living room where Josh was watching TV. She sat next to him on the couch and sighed heavily before leaning on his shoulder.

"Big day tomorrow." He said without looking away from the screen.

"I don't want to talk about it." Josh shut the TV off. "Too bad. Not talking about things is how we got to a point where I had to almost break your door down, so start talking."

"I have no idea how I am supposed to be feeling right now." He could tell she was being honest.

"There is no right way to feel about this Haddie. If you're sad, or angry or happy then it's ok. He made your life hell, but at the same time he was your dad."

"He wasn't always a monster, before he started drinking he was a good person, I did…I loved him, but when someone hits you, you lose a part of yourself. Between him and my mother I lost a lot of myself and it took me until now to get back to a peaceful place. I don't know how begin to write a eulogy for someone who in the end didn't really love me."

"Do you honestly believe that he never loved you?"

"You love me, right?"

"With all my heart."

"Would ever beat me the way he did?"

"I would never, ever hurt you, you know that." Josh was mad at the idea.

"See, you love me; the idea of me being hurt and you causing it makes you mad and angry. The man who we're burying tomorrow didn't love me, but I'd like to think that the man he used to be, maybe at some point loved me."

"Maybe that is what you talk about. That at one point he was a man who loved his family and then he made terrible decisions that hurt you deeply. Hell, baby you could get up there tomorrow and say that you hope he burns in hell and no one would think any less of you. Just remember, this is your chance to say goodbye, make your peace and bury your ghost, don't hold back because you don't want people to think less of you. In the mean time, you should really get some rest." Josh turned off the TV, leaving the room dark except for the lights of the city that burned outside the living room balcony windows.

"I don't want to be alone." Haddie clung tighter to him.

"Who said I was going anywhere?" The teenager moved so that he was leaning his head against the arm of the couch. Haddie laid on top of him with her head on his chest and Josh quickly covered them with a blanket. He turned on the TV channel that played music and settled back into his spot on the couch. Soon both teens were fast asleep. In their bedroom, Alex and Olivia were both getting ready for bed. Alex was already in bed and Olivia was finishing up in the bathroom when Alex remembered that Haddie never came in to say goodnight to them.

"You think she's ok, we didn't really hear anything from her after dinner?"

"Maybe she fell asleep?" Olivia offered as she climbed into bed.

"Maybe. I'm gonna go check on her." Alex grabbed her robe and went into the hallway only to realize that the TV was still on. When she got to the living room she smiled at the two teens fast asleep on the couch together. Alex was about to go back into the living room when she heard a knock at the door. She then remembered that Josh's mother had driven him to their house and was probably there to pick him up. She checked the peep hole before she opened to the door.

"Hey Alex, my son ready to go? I have to pick up some things on the way home and I'd like to not get trapped in traffic."

"No such luck. Follow me." Alex led the woman into the living room where, in the dark you could faintly make out the two sleeping forms on the couch. They went back into the hallway in an effort not to wake the kids, "I hate asking you to put him up for another night, but I don't think your daughter is going to let him go."

"We love having him here and if it means that Haddie gets some sleep before tomorrow then having him here is a blessing. We can bring him home tomorrow and give him some time to get ready for the service."

"Nonsense. I have to come this way to get to work anyway, I'll drop off his suit and shoes and that kind of stuff early in the morning on my way to the hospital. Are you sure it's ok he stays here?"

"Nina its fine, more than fine really. She wouldn't sleep if he wasn't here and he seems to be the only person she will let help her out with all the funeral stuff."

"Well then I'm going to let you get some rest, I'm sure your wife would like you in bed with her as opposed to talking to me all night. I'll call in the morning when I'm on my way ok? Goodnight Alex."

"Night Nina." Alex closed and locked the door behind her and returned to the bedroom.

"She ok?" Olivia asked from her position under the covers. Alex climbed back into bed and turned off the light, "she and Josh are sleeping on the couch."

"His mom gonna drop off his clothes in the morning?"

"Yep."

"Alex?"

"Yeah babe."

"When did we adopt another teenager?" Alex laughed. "The second he introduced himself to her." They eventually fell asleep, though Olivia had some trouble sleeping, as most pregnant women do. Soon the alarm clock ripped through the silence in the room, waking both of them up. Alex rolled out of bed and while Olivia got into the shower, she went into the living room to wake the kids. She pushed Joshua's shoulder lightly to wake him up.

"Joshua, honey you need to wake up." The boy stirred and slowly opened his eyes.

"Morning Alex."

"Good morning, I will let you wake her up ok, your mom is gonna drop off your clothes on her way to work." The boy nodded and he lightly nudged Haddie's body. "Haddie, honey we gotta get up and get ready to go." The teenage girl opened her eyes and slowly pushed herself off the boy. "What time is it?"

"6am. I know its early but we have to shower and get ready."

"I call shower first."

"Ok, I'm gonna make us something to eat." Haddie went into her room and then went into the bathroom to get ready. After making them each something to eat Joshua opened the door the find that the doorman had dropped off the clothes that his mother had brought for him. Once Haddie was out of the shower, Josh went into the guest bathroom to get ready. Haddie walked out her room about 20 minutes later dressed and ready to go. She joined her mothers in the kitchen and poked at the food Josh had made for her. When Josh walked out of the bathroom he was dressed in his suit, tie and all, and his hair was slicked back. He walked over to the table and pushed the plate closer to Haddie.

"I'm not hungry." She protested.

"I don't remember asking if you were, now eat." Haddie took a few bites of food and Alex was impressed, usually it took a lot more fighting to get Haddie to eat when she was upset. "You look very nice Joshua, very handsome." Alex offered. The boy smiled and straightened his tie as he sat down.

"When do we need to leave for the service?"

Olivia checked her watch, "in about half an hour." Haddie got up from the table without saying anything and went outside on the balcony. Joshua watched her walk away and got up from the table as well, "excuse me ladies." He followed Haddie outside and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I can do this." She said it forcefully and without any hint of insincerity.

"I know you can." He kissed the side of her head before giving her another brief hug. "I'll be inside whenever you're ready." He went back into the kitchen and sat down. "She doing alright?" Olivia asked.

"She's gonna be great, I think she just needed a minute to be alone, kind of gather her thoughts." Alex put the plates in the sink and went to grab her purse from the bedroom while Olivia searched for the car keys. By the time they had gathered everything they needed, Haddie finally made her way inside. The car ride to the church was quiet; no was sure what to say and truthfully there wasn't anything they could say to make this morning any less stressful. They pulled onto the cemetery property about 20 minutes before the service was set to begin. There was a small chapel on the grounds that Haddie had decided to use for the service. She didn't expect many people to show up and the people that were going to show up were there to support her, not mourn the death of her father.

They made their way inside and were not surprised to find that they were the only ones there. The hearse containing her father's coffin arrived a few minutes after they had arrived. Haddie instantly became very quiet and just blankly starred at the car; no one could tell if she was about to cry or scream. She surprised everyone by doing neither; she smoothed the wrinkles on her dress and walked to the front of the chapel to greet people who were starting to arrive. She shook hands of strangers who had worked with her father, hugged her uncles and aunts who had come on her behalf. She went over and discussed the final details with the minister and as he walked away the pall bearers moved to get coffin from the car. Josh stood behind Haddie while Alex and Olivia stood on her right, they were there to support her, but this was her show. Just before she was about to tell the minister they could begin, she saw something catch her eye. Her face turned a beet red color, her jaw locked and to say she looked angry would be an understatement. Alex looked in the direction that Haddie was starring in and she understood why her daughter looked so upset; walking in the double doors of the chapel was Haddie's mother in handcuffs, being escorted by two armed guards. Before they made it into the main part of the church Haddie walked up to them and got in her mother's face, talking in a tone just above a whisper, but it was a harsh whisper.

"What in the hell are you doing here?"

"He was my husband I have every right to be here." Her mother answered in a tone of voice Haddie found pretentious. "Last I checked prison isn't like preschool, you don't get to go outside for recess and then go back on timeout." She looked at the detail assigned to her mother, "and you two, why the hell wasn't I told that she would be here?" One of the men was about to speak when Alex jumped down his throat, "I wasn't aware you let your prisoners have field trips Flynn? Hell maybe we should just let her free, you seem so damn keen on letting her do whatever she wants while in your custody. Didn't you learn your lesson about messing with my kid earlier this week?" The older man looked pale, "Alex the judge cleared her for the funeral."

"How? She contacted her child when she was under strict order not too, she isn't a model prisoner." Alex was seething.

"You can take it up with him Alex, I didn't have a say in it. I would have called you but we weren't allowed to say anything because of security. I made sure I came on this trip for added security, it was the best I could do Alex."

"Well the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Haddie spat back at him. She turned to her mother, "you will sit in the back, in the corner, you will not speak, you will be seen and not heard and so help me God if I hear so much as a peep out of you I will make sure that his isn't the only funeral held today. Do I make myself clear?"

"You speak like this to your mother?"

"You. Are. Not. My. Mother." Haddie said each word so that they dripped with venom. She pointed to Alex and Olivia, "they are my parents, they are my mothers and soon I'm gonna have brothers, those people are my family, you are nothing more than half of my genetic makeup. Now go sit down and so I can start this service." The two armed men led her mother away and sat down with her in the very back corner of the chapel. After she calmed down slightly Haddie walked to her seat in the front of the chapel and once they were settled the service began. The service was almost over when the minister said that Haddie was going to deliver the eulogy. She stood up and stood at the mic and with a deep breath she started to speak.

"It's no secret that my father was a jerk and that is putting it mildly, but don't worry I'm not going to stand up here and deliver the 101 reasons why my father was a terrible person. I was recently taught not to speak ill of the dead and even though my boyfriend told me I could and no one would think less of me, I'd like to think that I'm above that. I've spent the last several days planning this funeral, trying desperately to make everything perfect and peaceful. Many people would think of me as foolish or dumb for devoting so much time planning the funeral of a man who abused me, but I can assure you I had anterior motives. I needed to plan his funeral; I needed it to be perfect and beautiful because today I am burying my ghosts along with my father. I know that most people here know my father as monster and I am not going to try to change your mind, but he wasn't always that man. When I was very, very young, back before my father started drinking he was the father that every little girl dreams of: he picked me up from daycare, read me stories using funny voices, taught me how to ride a tricycle, he would tuck me in at night and whenever I had a nightmare he would come running in to make me feel better. I wish that those were more than fleeting memories, but sadly they are what they are. But those memories, regardless of the fact that they are a decade old remind of one very important thing: there was a time in his life when my father loved me, really loved me. Deep in my heart I have to believe that my father wasn't always the same man that thought nothing of raising his hand against me. I believe that he was a good man that made some terrible decisions."

"The man laying in this coffin today isn't the same man that hurt me; he looks tired and prematurely aged. I know it's a lot to hope for, but I hope that where ever he ends up, that he finds peace there. Up until this morning I didn't think that I could stand before you today and say that I forgive him, but I realized something this morning while watching my family eat breakfast. When I looked at my mothers eating breakfast and talking to my boyfriend, when I saw him put his hand on my mother's pregnant belly and smile when he felt one of my brothers kick, when I saw them smiling in spite of what we had to do today, that was when I knew I could forgive him. Without him I wouldn't be here, without his actions I never would have been removed from my home and I never would have met my mothers, I never would have met and fallen in love with my best friend. I have things in my life that I could have never dreamt of in my wildest dreams, and I have them even though he could not provide them for me." Haddie took a deep breath and moved away from the podium taking the mic with her. She moved so that she was standing a few steps to the left of the coffin. "On the day when my parents were found guilty of child abuse I walked, or rather I stormed out of the courtroom and before I did so I turned to my parents and told them that God would have to forgive them because I never could. Well today I'd like to try to forgive my father, because while I still have a lot of hurt and anger inside of me my life is too precious to spend it being mad at him. JFK said to forgive your enemies but never forget their names. I will never forget him or what he did and maybe a part of me will always be hurt by what he did, but I do forgive him. I hope he finds peace wherever he is and that God is as forgiving as I have been led to believe he is." Haddie put the mic back in place and took one last look at the coffin and under her breath, but loud enough for the first three rows to hear she said, "good luck with that a-hole."

As she sat down next to her family Olivia and Alex had yet to stop laughing. Haddie sat there and listened intently as the minister finished the service and told everyone where to meet outside for the actual burial. Haddie stood at the front of the chapel and thanked people for coming and accepted condolences that she didn't really need from people who couldn't stay for the burial. When her mother stops in front of her the two women start some kind of staring contest, before eventually her mom speaks, "you shouldn't have talked about him like that."

"I wasn't gonna stand up there and make him sound like a saint. I told the truth and a watered down one at that, I said what I said for my peace of mind, not yours." Her mother pointed a finger in her face, "you remember who you are talking to girl." Before either guard could react, Josh had pulled Haddie back to him and was in her mom's face. "You'd do well to remember that the next time you even think about raising a hand to her that I will lay you flat on the floor before you even know what hit you. I have never hit a woman, but don't think that I can't or that I won't." The woman turned to Olivia and Alex, "like a couple of dykes raising my daughter could do any better than I could, those kids are gonna be messed up." She pointed at Olivia's stomach and Alex saw read she instinctively wrapped her arms around Olivia and the swell of her stomach. Josh took a step forward and grabbed the finger she had been haphazardly waving around at Haddie and now Olivia, "lady I swear to God if you point that finger at any of these women again I will break it. Get her out of here, her presence here is no longer welcome." They watched as the two men led the shackled woman away and to a nearby car.

They headed over to the burial site and the minister said a few final prayers before once again allowing Haddie to speak. "When I was little, this was the only song my dad knew all the words to and so he used to sing it all the time. Today it seemed fitting to sing it as I bury him." Haddie took a deep breath before launching into the song.

_Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling_

_From glen to glen, and down the mountain side_

_The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying_

_'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide._

_But come ye back when summer's in the meadow_

_Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow_

_'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow_

_Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so._

Alex and Olivia shared a glance, they didn't know that Haddie was going to sing anything, but they were glad that their daughter had found a way to work through everything.

_And if you come, when all the flowers are dying_

_And I am dead, as dead I well may be_

_You'll come and find the place where I am lying_

_And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me._

_And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me_

_And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be_

_If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me_

_I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me._

_I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me. _

When she was finished Haddie picked up a handful of dirt and threw it in the hole. She walked over to her mothers and as she took Josh's hand in her's they started walking toward the car. And just like that the day was over and her ghost was buried.

**I know that this chapter was light on Liv and Alex but the next ones are full of them. Hopefully that made up for the wait and I would love to hear reviews and suggestions.**


	20. Baby Shower

**So here is the baby shower chapter. The next few will be the babies being born so review and stay tuned for the next update.**

With the funeral over and behind them, the family was finally able to look forward to the baby shower. Kim insisted on throwing it, but Alex insisted it be held at the apartment, mostly because Olivia didn't want to venture to far from home. Kim agreed and so the morning of the shower she showed up at their apartment with her husband and children in tow. Keith was only there to help set some things up for the party and then was taking Lily and Matthew out to run errands and hang out with him for the rest of the afternoon. Haddie was reading in her bedroom when she felt like she was being watched. She looked up from her book to see her 5 year old cousin staring at her.

"Hi Lily."

"What are you reading?"

"A book." Haddie answered with a sly smile.

"Can I read with you?"

"How about we find a different book to read together?"

"Can we read this one?" Lily held out a book and Haddie laughed.

"Sure, we can read that one." Haddie sat on the floor and the child crawled into her lap. "Oh, The Places You'll Go, by Dr. Seuss."

"Is he a real doctor?" Haddie had to laugh. "I think he's a book doctor Lily."

Alex, Kim and Keith were almost done setting everything up when Liv finally joined them in the living room. "It looks great guys." The living room and balcony were decorated with baby décor, mostly blue and there were two large tables set up in the dining room. Keith started to pack up his things, "well I think you ladies can handle everything from here, so I think I'll take my leave." Alex went to go grab her niece and found her in Haddie's room reading.

"And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)" Haddie was just about to finish the book when Alex finally knocked on the open door, "Lily, your daddy is ready to leave."

"Can't I stay for the baby party?"

"I'll tell you what; the next time we have a baby you can stay for that party, ok?"

"Ok." The child gathered her things and gave Haddie a kiss and a hug before walking out into the hallway with Alex. Haddie stood next to her mother and whispered in her ear, "so we're having another baby? Have you shared this with mom yet?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "You never know, you may end up with three siblings instead of just two. But no I haven't talked to Liv about it, so keep your mouth shut about it, ok?"

"My lips are sealed." They walked into the living room and said their goodbyes to Keith and the kids before putting up the final touches to everything. The rest of the family and friends started to filter in and soon the apartment was full of party guests. Olivia insisted against some of the weirder games, but they did a few traditional games including making bets on all the usual things; weight of each baby, what day, where Alex would be when Liv went into labor, how long labor would take and how many times Liv would swear. They started eating lunch and talking about the babies, new born hassles and work.

"I'm surprised the guys didn't try to crash the party." Serena laughed.

"I told them they could come, but in Elliot's words, 'you enjoy your chick party and we'll take you out to lunch before the little monsters are born." Olivia couldn't help but laugh as she told them, but Kathy seemed less amused by her husband, "my husband always did have a way with words." As they finished eating the doorbell rang and Alex got up to answer it. She was more than a little surprised to see Joshua standing there.

"I'm not crashing the party I swear, I just wanted to drop off my present." Alex smiled and moved aside to let the boy in. "Well you are more than welcome to come in, but be warned, you are the only person in the room with a Y chromosome, minus the babies of course."

"Being surrounded by women isn't all bad Alex." Josh laughed at his only joke as they walked into the living room. Haddie saw him first and got up from her seat to give him a kiss, which made everyone give her a hard time. When they all calmed down Josh turned to Olivia, "I won't stay long, but I wanted to drop off your gift."

Olivia smiled, "you didn't have to get us anything Joshua."

Josh smiled, "I'll go bring it in form the hall." He returned a minute later with a huge box on a rolling dolly. "So if you already have one, I can get you something else, but I think you'll like it, at least I hope you do."

"Baby, you're babbling." Haddie kindly pointed out.

"Right, sorry. Anyway, I hope you like it." Josh lifted the box off and the room went dead quiet. The box was big for a reason; underneath it was a rocking chair and a nice one at that.

"Joshua this must have cost you a lot of money." Alex was shocked; she had looked up rocking chairs and they were not cheap. "It wasn't bad at all because I actually didn't buy it, I made it." Abbie almost chocked on her food, "you made that?" Josh nodded. "Check out Bob Villa over here." Joshua smiled and turned back to Olivia and Alex.

"I stained it to match the cribs and I wasn't sure if you would want to add cushions so I sanded it down so it's smooth with or without cushions. My mom said that the greatest gift anyone gave her when she had kids was my grandma doing her laundry, but second was the rocking chair my dad gave her. I figured this made more sense than doing your laundry. So, um, yeah, happy baby shower."

With Alex's help, Olivia stood up and hugged Josh. "It's beautiful and I absolutely adore it." Olivia started crying and Joshua looked panicked. "Did I do something wrong? Why is she crying?" Alex couldn't help but laugh, "honey, her hormones are all over the place right now, everything makes her cry, yesterday it was a commercial for life insurance. I think she's just crying because she is happy." Olivia nodded, "Joshua, it is beautiful and I absolutely adore it." Josh beamed, "good, I'm glad."

"It must have taken you an awful long time to make though."

"I started it when you said you were having twins. My dad helped with the design and then I did the rest. The staining and sanding took the longest, but it was well worth it. I should get going and let you ladies get back to your party."

"Joshua, you're more than welcome to stay." Alex offered.

"It's ok Alex, I promised my brother I would spend the day with him so I need to get going." Josh gathered his things, gave Haddie a quick kiss and headed out the door. The party soon went back to discussing various things about babies and soon the matter of names came up.

"Knowing Lexi, I'm sure they already have names nailed down."

"We have narrowed it down, but we want to wait assigning them names until we can hold them and see what fits them."

Olivia jumped in, "but we do know that at least one of them will have Alexander as a middle name." Everyone made the same "aw" sound and Kim gave Alex a hug, "daddy would have been proud to share his name with one of his grandsons."

"Isn't that going to get a little complicated, having two Alex's in one house? And is it really safe to boost Alexandra's ego any more than it already is by naming her child after her?" Liz jumped in and gave a quick smirk in Alex's direction.

"We thought about that too, that's why we wanted to do middle name, the first name is still to be determined." Olivia pointed out. They continued to suggest names for the next hour and soon people started to realize how late in the day it was getting. They helped Alex clean up and pack up the food and were soon filtering out of the apartment. Soon it was just Serena and Alex left in the kitchen doing dishes and talking about the cases that Alex was wrapping up before going on her leave. Olivia was sitting on the couch, half asleep and Haddie was sitting next to her playing around with her guitar. The babies were for whatever reason, very active and the extra movement was taking its toll on Olivia. They had found out several months ago that if Haddie played her guitar and sang that the babies would settle down and Olivia could actual rest. Haddie laid down on the couch and continued to play the guitar as she sang softly.

_Oh why you look so sad  
The tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
Cause I've seen the dark side too_

Alex could hear from the kitchen and she smiled as she listened to her daughter play for her brothers. The conversation between her and Serena died away so they both could listen in.

_When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothing you confess  
Could make me love you less_

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you got to hide  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads 

_And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
Cause even if you're wrong_

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in into you darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby  
You don't know what to do  
You're feeling all alone  
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in into you darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you

Oh I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you

Haddie looked up to see that Olivia was fast asleep, so she placed the guitar on the floor and laid back down on the couch, content on taking a nap as well. Serena looked at Alex and smiled when she saw her best friend watching her wife and daughter interact.

"Did you ever see yourself doing this Alex?"

Alex was snapped back to reality, "doing what, the dishes, someone has to do them." She flashed Serena a smile and Serena lightly punched her arm.

"No dummy. I mean the whole, wife, child, baby on the way thing." Alex sighed contently as she dried another dish. "I don't know, did you ever think I'd be doing this?"

"You were always way too hot to ever be single for long so I knew marriage would happen for you, but you married, with a teenager and babies coming…I guess I never thought about it, but I'm glad it turned out like this because truthfully, I've never seen anything so beautiful in my whole life."

"You've been watching Lifetime movies again, haven't you?"

"I can't help it that they have movie marathons every day, but seriously, you have this amazing life and this beautiful family and it finally seems like all the bullshit just faded away from your life and now everything is as it should be."

"I always knew." Alex stated bluntly.

"Knew what?"

"That this is what my life would be like. I knew that eventually I'd find happiness somewhere in some form and I did and its right there, sitting on that couch." Alex pointed to the living room and smiled again. "I mean the twins were a blessing I never dreamt of in my wildest dreams, but here we are. And even after everything with Haddie, she finally seems happy and that's good enough for me. I have everything I ever wanted: wonderful wife, great kid, babies coming soon, a good job and friends that stick around after the party and do the dishes." Alex winked at Serena who laughed. "Yours is a truly blessed life Allie."

After glancing in the living room one more time before returning her attention to the dish in her hand Alex smiled and nodded, "yeah, it is."

**So the next view chapters have the twins making their grand entrance and like everything else SVU it comes with a little drama, but a happy ending as always. I know what I'm going to name them, but if anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading everyone and please review for more.**


	21. Oh Baby

**Sorry for the long wait everyone, school has been insane and I was in a pretty bad car accident last week which totaled my car and left me with a lot of insurance crap to deal with because in the grand state of CA it is my fault because I hit him (his car has no damage btw, damn pickup trucks with trailer hitches). Anyway, here is the update, hope the length and content make up for the wait.**

As promised Elliot and the rest of the gang took Olivia out to lunch on a day that they were all supposed to have the day off. They spent lunch talking and cracking jokes and Olivia hadn't realized till then how much she missed her friends and work. They finished lunch and headed over to the station where Haddie was waiting for them: on her early days she would wait at the station for Alex or one of her uncles to take her home. As they walked in the phone started ringing and Elliot went to go grab it. Olivia went into the Captain's office where Haddie was usually doing her homework.

"Lot of homework today?" Haddie who was staring at a book looked up. "Not too much, test in History on Tuesday and I'm trying to get ahead of it." Liv smiled and was about to respond when she heard someone shouting in the bullpen. She turned to see a man yelling at Fin. Liv turned back to Haddie and shut off the office light. "Stay in here and lock the door ok?"

"Why what's wrong?"

"Probably nothing, but in case it's something I want you safe so stay here and hang out behind the desk."

"But mom…"

"No buts, you stay here and do not move till I come get you." Haddie nodded and went to go hide behind the desk. Olivia stepped into the office and could now hear the argument very clearly.

"You killed my brother."

"Mr. Cane, your brother was convicted on 10 counts of murder of children, he hurt a lot of people and we stopped him. I'm sorry he was killed in prison, but we had nothing to do with that."

"You put him there; he'd still be alive if you and the dumb bitch cop had just left us alone." Elliot jumped in, "Mr. Cane, I think it time for you to leave." Elliot moved towards him only to be stopped when the man produced a gun from the waist of his jeans."

"I think I'll stay. Now where is that stupid woman cop?" Olivia was still behind him and against Elliot's facial expressions begging her not to, she spoke up.

"Right here Mr. Cane." He quickly turned around and pointed the gun at her. "I really hope you aren't like your brother Mr. Cane, shooting a pregnant woman in a room full of cops is a first rate bad idea."

"Someone knocked you up, figures; it's probably your partner's right?"

"Nope, I don't think my wife is open to sharing me."

"Figures you'd be a dyke."

"Mr. Cane, what do you think you are going to accomplish here today?"

"I have to make you pay for taking him from me."

"Mr. Cane he hurt a lot of people. We did our jobs and I will not apologize for that." Olivia felt a sharp pain in her back that made her wince, but she ignored it.

"He wasn't always like that. When we were kids he was an awesome big brother and he took care of me while our parents worked late. He couldn't have hurt all those people."

"Mr. Cane I understand that he took care of you and that you love him for that, but he did hurt those people. We have evidence and a signed confession, face it Mr. Cane, he was not the man you grew up with." That sharp pain was now moving down her spine and the facial expressions she was showing had Elliot concerned.

"Look Mr. Cane, I am just as much to blame, ok, let Liv go and you and I can deal with this together."

"No she stays." He saw her wince and rub her back while she rubbed circle on her belly trying to calm the babies. "She's in labor." Elliot stated point blank, "with twins and they are two weeks early. Please let me help her."

The gunman looked to Olivia and back to Elliot, "fine, help her, but no one is leaving until I say so."

"Can I get some supplies?"

"You have 10 minutes to get what you need." Elliot went over to Olivia let her lean into him as another contraction hit and he started shouting orders. "Fin, go up to the crib and get me a mattress and every sheet and blanket you can find. Munch move the water cooler over here and find an extension cord to plug it into and then get me every single bowl or mug or empty container we have on this floor." He turned back to the woman in his arms, "how you doing Liv?"

"Peachy."

"How long have you been in pain?"

"About 20 minutes. How did you know I was in labor?"

Elliot smiled, "5 kids Liv, you learn how to tell when one of them is coming. As soon as I get set up I'll time you ok?" Olivia nodded as she breathed through the current contraction she was experiencing. "You don't actually think I'm going to give birth here do you?"

"If he is a messed up as his genetics lead me to believe he is, then yes I do. Either way I want to be ready if it comes to that."

"El I really don't want to give birth on the station floor."

"I hear you partner, and I will try to get him to let you go, but your children seem to have their own plans. No matter what happens, you just have to trust me, ok?"

"I do trust you, you know that."

"But do you trust me to deliver your sons?"

"You are the only one in this room I trust to do that."

"Ok then." Olivia thought for a moment and then looked panicked. "What about Haddie?" Elliot looked behind him and then back to Liv, "lights are still off, she's no where I can see so she probably hit the deck when you left, she's safer than we are that's for damn sure." Their discussion was cut short with the gunman looking over Elliot's shoulder, "so what's happening?"

"What do you care? A minute ago you were going to shoot her?" Elliot wasn't about to pretend to be nice to this guy.

"I'm not a bad guy."

"Could have fooled me." Live chimed in.

"She's having contractions that are about 10 minutes apart, but her water hasn't broken yet."

"What do you mean yet?"

"I mean she is in labor, the early stages, but labor all the same. And eventually her water will break and then there is nothing I can do to stop her from giving birth right here. She needs to get to a hospital now."

"No, nobody leaves, she could be faking it."

"Trust me, I can't fake this." Elliot looked back at Liv and noticed a wet patch on her jeans. "Shit." Elliot got back down on the floor and rolled up his sleeves before shouting at Munch.

"Get me every first aid kit we have, I need all the gloves out of them now." Munch took off and returned with 3 packs of gloves. As he out the gloves on he turned back to Olivia. "Liv I need to check you out so we need to you out of these pants ok?" Liv nodded and Elliot carefully pealed them off of her and draped a blanket over her lap for privacy.

"Well, what's going on?" The gunman asked again. "Remember when I said if her water broke that there would be nothing I can do to stop labor?"

"Yeah."

"Well it broke and it's out of my hands and these boys are coming regardless of this situation. The stress of being held at gun point probably triggered early labor."

"You saying this is my fault?"

"Do you see anyone else waving a gun around?" Elliot went back to helping Olivia. "How you doing there Liv?"

"It hurts so much more than before. Are you sure this is actually happening?"

"Sorry Liv, but looks like these guys aren't going to wait; you're already at 3cm." Liv groaned and grabbed Elliot's free hand as another contraction hit. "I want Lixi, call Lexi."

"No, no phone calls, you'll just tips them off that I am here."

"You see those flashing lights outside the window? They already know you're here I just want to talk to my wife, you owe me that much."

"Fine. Call her." Elliot took out his phone and gave it to Liv. "She's in court with Serena and Liz." Liv looked panicked. "Call the courthouse and have them tell her to call you and that it is an emergency." Elliot offered. Olivia nodded and punched in the number. After a few rings, she explained to the desk officer the situation and asked for him to get the message to Alex.

The officer hung up with Liv and immediately headed up to the courthouse where he handed the court officer the slip of paper. As the other attorney was finishing his closing statement the officer handed the paper to Alex. Alex looked very confused but opened the folded message and read it. Her heart sank into her stomach and she almost started crying then. She was snapped out of her own personal hell when Liz called her name again.

"Mrs. Cabot, if it isn't too much trouble the court would like to hear your closing statement." Alex looked up and Liz with a mix of fear and sadness before managing to professionally speak, "your honor, a side bar please?"

"Quickly." Liz covered the microphone in front of her with her hand as the two attorneys approached. "This better be good Alexandra." Alex couldn't even talk so she handed Liz the slip of paper. Liz suddenly understood why Alex's focus was somewhere else.

"Serena can give closing statements, but I have to leave NOW." There was no question and professionalism went out the window. Liz turned to the other attorney, "any objections Mr. Rendell?"

"None your honor." Liz nodded and turned to Alex, "go into my chambers and wait till we are done here, if they are being held at the 1-6 you'll never get near the building with the traffic and road block." Alex said nothing and turned and ran back to the table. "Here is what I need you to say and when court gets out follow Liz to her chambers." Alex handed Serena her notes and as she grabbed her briefcase she fled the courtroom. She found her way to Liz's office and used the land line to call Liv.

"Hello?"

"Liv, baby, how are you doing?"

"It hurts so much Alex." Liv was trying no to cry, but hearing her wife's voice made that difficult.

"I'm sorry I'm not there Liv, but I know you're doing great. Who is taking care of you there?"

"Elliot is helping me through the labor stuff and everyone else is basically trying to help him so I guess everyone is helping me currently."

"And Haddie?"

"She's in Don's office, she's behind the desk with the lights off and the door locked, she's safer than we are at the moment." Liv started breathing funny and Alex could tell she was trying to breathe through a contraction. "That's it I'm coming to you this is ridiculous."

"Alex no, I want you here too, actually I take that back, I want to get the hell out of here, but if you come down here, you will get stuck in traffic and then when we do get out of here you won't be able to get to the hospital because you will be stuck in traffic. Stay…where are you exactly, I thought you had a case today?"

"I do, or rather I did, Serena is giving closing statements as we speak, I had something more important to tend to." Alex chuckled slightly at her own twisted humor before asking, "do you think he is gonna let you go?"

"I'm not getting the feeling that he cares much about the women and children being saved first. Elliot has tried to get me out of here but no luck. And at this rate, these babies will be born on the floor of the bullpen."

"Liv, I so sorry."

"Why, none of this is your fault."

"I know but, I should be there for you and the boys and instead Elliot is the one that will probably end up helping you deliver."

"Hey, this could be worse, Munch could be doing it." Alex laughed a little. "Elliot can handle this right?"

"Alex he's had five kids, I think he is the most qualified."

"Liv, he was in the room for four of his children's birth, that hardly qualifies him to deliver one, let alone two babies."

"Lexi, we all had to learn how to deliver a baby and worse come to worse we can always call Kathy. Under the circumstances Elliot is the only person I want trying to deliver these babies; at least he remembers how twin deliveries can go."

"I guess you are right, I'm just scared."

"You and me both, but everything is going to work itself out." Olivia thought for a moment, "Lex does Liz's computer have a video camera?"

"Her laptop does, why?"

"If you log onto skype and do the same thing on my phone you can at least see me, maybe it will make you feel better. You don't have to though."

"You're kidding right, this bastard is making it impossible for me to be with you while you give birth, I'll be damned if I can't at least see it happen." Alex started messing around with the laptop on the desk until she got to the main screen. "Ok, I'm about to log on so turn it on your phone." Liv did and handed the phone to Fin to hold so that Alex could see her.

"Give two seconds baby my phone is ringing and it's Serena." Alex put her phone to her ear while she typed, "I owe you whatever size of whatever drink you want after today is over, I'm sorry I had to rush out."

"Please tell me you are kidding, your wife and daughter are being held captive and your wife is in labor with twins, you have nothing to apologize for, besides your notes were all I needed, verdict will come down sometime in the next few days. Liz and I are on our way to her office where apparently you are?"

"Yep I'm here trying to set up the camera so I can at least see my sons being born."

"Alright, we'll be there in a few." As Alex was still trying to fix the camera to work the way she wanted Serena walked through the door and reached over Alex shoulder, typed something in and suddenly the camera was ready to go. "How did you do that?"

"All my exes say that I have magic fingers." Serena smirked and winked, only to be met with Liz lightly slapping the back of her head. "Sorry, not the time for a lesbian sex joke. Anything we can do to help?"

"Yep, you can get my wife, daughter and sons out of danger."

"Alexandra, have some faith, she is in good hands at least and they will find a way out." Just as Liz finished talked the computer phone started to ring and Alex answered quickly. "Hey baby, can you see me?"

"Yep, all clear."

"How is she doing Elliot?"

"Water broke clear so that's good news, right now she's about 4cm which tells me that she might have been in labor since this morning and not realized it. She probably just thought it was false contractions again and they probably weren't that strong to begin with. Regardless, its progressing pretty quickly so this may happen in the next few hours unless our lovely captor grows a heart between now and then." Alex heard a voice that she could only assume to be the gunman's, "shut up, no one is leaving."

"Elliot tell him that as soon as this all gets sorted than I am going he's gonna regret pissing me off because he will not leave a jail cell for the next ten years."

"You don't scare me princess." Mr. Cane laughed again.

"That's ice princess to you and I should scare you. All that is beside that point, Elliot the doctor said that both babies are in the right position and they were going to do a vaginal birth because of that so neither of them should be in breach position, but in this situation there are no guarantees so be prepared."

"Got it Alex thanks. I'm gonna call Kathy and try to get some extra help." Just then Alex's phone started buzzing and it was Haddie, "Liv talk to Serena a minute, I have another call coming in on the phone." Serena sits down and tries to make Olivia laugh or at least lighten the mood while Alex answered her phone.

"Haddie are you alright?"

"Mom can you please tell me what the hell is happening?" Alex gave her the quick version of what was happening and Haddie wasn't sure if she was angry or scared or both.

"Is somebody going to come help us?"

"They are trying, but they don't want to risk anyone, particularly you mother getting shot."

"They can't just leave us here to die."

"Hey, listen to me, no one is gonna die in there today and I need you to try and stay calm. Just stay on the floor where you are and you'll be fine."

"You really expect me to do nothing while this ass threatens my mother while she is in labor with my brothers."

"You bet I do, no playing the hero, Lord only knows your uncles or you mother will already be doing that."

"But mom I…"

"Haddasah, listen to me." Haddie knew she was serious because she used her full name. "The only peace of mind I have right now is knowing that you are safe so stay where you are; am I understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good, now its going to be ok and I will meet you all at the hospital when this is over ok, I can't get to you now cuz I'll get caught in traffic."

"Is mom ok?"

"She's fine; your uncle is helping her with the labor and so far she moving along pretty quickly."

"No one is ever going to forget the boys' birthday that's for sure."

"Very true. Ok honey, I'm going to get back on the video chat with your mom, but I will keep in touch ok, call Liz's office phone if you need something alright?"

"Alright mom."

"I love you sweetie."

"I love you too mom." And with that Haddie hung up and Alex went back to the computer.

"Liv I'm back, anything new?"

"Nope still in labor, still on the floor, still being held against my will by a jack ass, who by the way I don't know the name of."

"Sam, my name is Sam."

"Great now that we are all on a first name basis how about we let the pregnant woman out so she can receive medical attention."

"No! Nobody leaves, stop trying to mess with me." Sam yelled and started pacing again. "No one leave until I get what I want."

"Which is what?"

"I want someone to pay for what happened to my brother."

"So you game plan for getting your brother justice is to hold up a room full of cops and force one of them to give birth during said hold up. The only thing this is gonna get you is the rest of your life in prison." Elliot spat back at him.

"Watch yourself detective, I'm the one in charge here." Sam waved the gun in front of him as a reminder.

"Fine go ahead shoot me, but if I die you will be killing the most experienced person in this room when it comes to childbirth. And so help me God, if anything, anything happens to that woman or to those babies I will haunt you dreams and every waking thought you have for the rest of your natural life. Your choice man."

Sam looked at Elliot, almost like he was weighing his options, "just get back to helping her." Elliot knelt back down and after checking Olivia's progress he pulled out his phone and hit his speed dial 5 contact and after a few rings got connected.

"Kathy. We have a little bit of a situation here and I'm going to need your help."


	22. Unexpected Turns

**Sorry for the wait you guys, but I'm gearing up for my graduation and my sister's wedding :-/ Thanks for the great reviews and for being so great and I hope you all like this update.**

When her phone started ringing Kathy Stabler was outside of the twins' high school with Eli in toe, both of them waiting for the twins to finish class for the day before they would finish running errands and head home to start dinner. She dug in her purse and finally fished out her phone out and held it to her ear.

"I didn't think we'd be hearing from you until around dinner time, you coming home early."

"Kathy. We have a little bit of a situation here and I'm going to need your help." Elliot's tone was dead serious and Kathy couldn't imagine why she was being called to help. "What's up?"

"Liv's in labor."

"Well that's great isn't it, I mean she is a few weeks early, but that's common in twins, I'm sure she'll be fine. Are you at the hospital?"

"That's kind of the situation; we're at the station being held at gunpoint." The line went quiet before Kathy finally spoke, "please tell me you are kidding El."

"Honey I wish this was a joke, for now we're safe, but she is in full blown active labor, her water broke and she is moving along fast. I need your help incase this gets complicated, you know how twins can go." Kathy was a little dumbfounded and was still quiet.

"Kathy!"

"Sorry, how far along is she right now?"

"4cm, but at this rate this is going to get messy fast. I remember some things about delivering twins and I know how to deliver a baby, but I need you in my ear in case things get complicated."

"Alright, the kids are getting out of school now and I'll have the twins take Eli home and I'll head to the hospital to grab some books." Kathy waved her kids over when they walked out of the building.

"Actually, can you head over to the courthouse, Alex is there and is beside herself, call me when you get there."

"Alright give me thirty minutes." Kathy hung up the phone and looked up at her children. "Ok guys we have an emergency so we need to haul ass home and then I need you both to watch Eli while I go help Alex, Liv and your dad." Kathy explained what was going on while they walked to the car and when they got into the house she handed the toddler to her daughter and told Dickie to follow her to the attic. "Find the box labeled Twin Stuff honey, the books I need are at the bottom of it." After throwing a few boxes around Dickie found the one his mother was searching for and opened it and dug into the bottom.

"These them mom?" The teenager held the books out and his mother scanned the titles quickly. "Yes these are it, make sure your brother gets feed and bathed and I will call when I have more information." Kathy quickly ran downstairs, grabbed a few more books from the bookshelf and ran out the door. After using her knowledge of New York backstreets she parked her car in the courthouse parking garage and ran to the elevators and practically fell out onto the floor that Liz's office was on. She rushed into the office to see Serena and Alex huddled around the computer and Liz standing nearby. Alex looked up surprised to see Kathy there. "Kathy, what are you doing here?"

"Elliot called me and asked me to head over here in case he needs some medical help with the delivery and I think he thought you and I could use some emotional support seeing as our spouses are both stuck in this situation." Alex ushered her over to the computer and had her sit down so that she could see Elliot and Olivia. "El, I'm here, how's it going?"

"5cm and no signs of slowing down." Elliot turned around to say something to Fin and Kathy started to turn pages in the books searching for the chapters she needed. "El, for now just try to make her as comfortable as you can and keep a sharp eye on her the elevated stress could be the wild card here." Kathy got up from the chair and Liz helped her move the books onto the table in the corner of the room. Alex sat back down at the computer and tried to talk Olivia through the contraction that was currently hitting her.

Back at the station Haddie was still sitting underneath the desk getting more than pissed off that she was expected to do nothing, but she promised her mother that she would stay put. She looked around the office and as she digging around the bottom drawer she pulled out what looked like a gun, but different. She had seen enough weapons to guess that it was a stun gun and she decided to hold onto it for now, just in case. She peaked up over the desk and looked out into the bullpen to see what was going on. All she could see was Sam pacing back and forth with the gun still in his hand and her mom on the floor with her uncle. Being her mother's daughter she started to think of how she could get them out of this situation.

Back out on the floor Olivia was fast losing energy and Elliot could see it, "Liv I know its hard but maybe try to close your eyes and rest, I know the pain makes it impossible to sleep, but if you don't try to rest you won't have enough energy for the birth and twins take so much out of you."

"Kind of hard to relax with a gun in your face." Olivia glared at the captor who was still hovering nearby. Elliot nodded, "I know but try, I'll be right here, ok, he isn't going to hurt you not while I am here." Elliot put another pillow behind Olivia's head and gave her a blanket. With some hesitation she closed her eyes and at least tried to get a little rest. Elliot got up off the floor and went to go stand with Fin and Munch against the wall.

"What are we gonna do? Are we really just going to let Liv give birth on the floor?" Fin asked.

"Guys unless asshole over here lets us go, that is exactly what we are going to have to do. Look if we keep level heads and stay focused we can help Liv, no one make any stupid decisions, no playing the hero, those babies are our nephews and Alex would skin me alive if we did anything stupid that hurt any of them." All the men nodded in agreement and looked back over to Liv who seemed to be asleep at the moment. They all stayed still and quiet until a ringing phone cut through the room and almost caused Sam to fire a shot.

"You, pick it up and see what they want." He pointed the gun at Elliot who walked over and picked up the phone. "Detective Stabler speaking."

"Elliot, it's Don, how you all holding up?"

"We've been better Captain. Liv needs to get out of here ASAP."

"They are trying to find a way to get to you guys but they don't want to risk Liv's safety while she's still in active labor."

"So what are they going to do, she's going to have these babies at any moment."

"They have sniper teams in place and SWAT is ready to roll the second we have him under control, until then you guys are stuck. How is she doing?" Elliot looked over at his partner who was now awake and trying to breathe through the pain of another contraction. "She's pushing through like a champ, but she's getting tired so hopefully this is an uneventful birth."

"Ok that's enough hang up the phone." Sam pushed Elliot with the barrel of the gun. "I gotta go Cap." With that Elliot hung up the phone and went back to Olivia. "How you doing Liv?"

"It hurts, but its different now." Elliot put another pair of gloves on and pushed the blanket aside to check Olivia's progress. "It feels different for a reason Liv you are bumping up against 8cm, these boys want out now. I'm going to set everything up alright." He turned toward the phone that was still connected to Liz's laptop, "Alex we might be getting ready to roll here. Kathy I need you to call my phone so I can have you in my ear." Elliot put in his Bluetooth headset in his ear and waited for Kathy to call him.

"Fin take that bowl and fill it with hot water and then one of you get behind Liv so that she has some resistance to push against." All the men fell into place and Elliot started chatting with Kathy to make sure they had everything set up. Liv looked at the screen and could see how worried Alex looked, "I'm fine Lexi."

"You are most certainly not fine Liv and this is completely unfair. I should be there with you, we should be in a hospital, this…this isn't how this was supposed to be." Alex started crying and Serena tried with no luck to calm her down. Liv took a deep breath and through the pain kept talking. "Alex, if our lives were normal I would not be sitting here with you as my wife, a teenager we adopted and twins coming. You know what my life was supposed to be; I was supposed to marry some intellectual man, have three kids and live in the suburbs while I worked as a teacher. That is what my life was supposed to be, at least in my mother's eyes it was, but you know what I like the unexpected turns my life took. I can't and never want to imagine not being married to you, I love our children, all three of them and I love my crazy, fucked up job. Taking the easy road is boring so yes, this isn't how it was supposed to be and I thank God for that every day. You and Haddie and the boys are the greatest surprise of my life and would never trade that for anything. I love you Alex."

"You always know what to say to make me feel better. I love you too Liv." Alex brushed the tears away and put on a brave face. She looked over at Kathy who gave her a thumbs up signaling that she was ready. "Alright we're all ready over here Elliot." Kathy flipped a few pages of one of the books and spoke into her phone, "El, you have everything set up?"

"Hot water and rubbing alcohol to sterilize, white sheets, shoe laces that are still in a bath of rubbing alcohol to tie of the cords, every plastic bag on this floor, and the tools from about 6 first aid kits. I'm ready as I'll ever be."

"How far along is she now El?" Kathy waited for her husband to answer. "About 9." Kathy picked up another book, "Alright so you are getting close. Make sure everyone knows what they are doing once this starts happening." Elliot turned to Fin and Munch, "Fin when I have the first baby out, I'm going to hand him to you we need to tie off the cord and cut it, then we need to make sure the airways are clear and try to get him cleaned off a little bit, then wrap him up in one of the clean sheets; Munch same goes for you for baby number two." They grabbed the supplies they were going to need and turned back to Elliot.

"Alright Liv, I hate to say it but it's time to start pushing." Olivia nodded and adjusted herself so that she was leaning forward slightly and nodded her head, "I'm ready." Elliot smiled and turned so that he was facing the gunman. "Hey jackass, hope you're ready to witness a birth, this shit can get bloody and messy so I hope you aren't squeamish."

"Remember who you're talking to detective. I have the gun, I'm in charge."

"Really, because right now you are playing second fiddle to newborn babies." Olivia shot Elliot a glance that told him to shut up. "Alright Liv, next contraction I want you to push." They didn't have to wait long before another wave of pain hit and Elliot started counting to ten. She managed to get a few more rounds of pushing in before the contraction as over and she could take a brief rest. Alex was trying to offer supportive words over the computer and Kathy was waiting patiently for Elliot to need something from her, Liz and Serena kept pacing around the room just trying to keep busy. About half an hour into pushing Elliot could see that the baby was crowning. "Alright Liv one more big push and his head will be out." Liv nodded and on her next breath she started pushing again, this time a little bit harder.

"That's it Liv, I got his head." Elliot grabbed one of the tools and used it to clear his nasal passages and his breathing pathways before looking back up at Liv, "alright Liv, big push and keep pushing till I say to stop, I'm going to get his shoulders and the rest of him out on the next one ok." Olivia took a few deep breaths and when the next contraction hit she pushed hard and as she did so Elliot was slowly helping the babies shoulders out and once they were through Olivia delivered her first baby boy. In the room everything stood still the moment Elliot held that baby, his cry cut through the silence in the room and had everyone tearing up. Olivia had a steady stream of tears rolling down her face when Elliot placed the crying baby on her chest. Olivia moved her head slightly to allow Alex to see their son through the camera. Of course Alex immediately broke in a fit of happy tears and for a brief moment the circumstances under which her son was born was forgotten. Serena reached around and hugged Alex tightly while she watched Elliot tend to the baby on the computer screen. Once Elliot had tied off the umbilical cord he handed the scissors to Olivia who with a shaky hand cut the cord. Olivia didn't want to but she knew she had to hand Fin the baby so that she could deliver the second baby.

"Alright Liv, with any luck he'll come out pretty easy now so next push." Olivia started to push almost immediately and soon Elliot saw the second baby crowning, but something was wrong and he knew it immediately. "Liv stop pushing, his cord is around his neck."

"Elliot this isn't exactly something I can stop doing."

"Liv, I mean it, either you stop or he is in trouble." Any mother knows that the only thing that can actually get you to stop the birthing process is saying that the baby is in distress. Elliot started talking into his Bluetooth. "Kathy, help me out here." Alex looked up to see Kathy flipping through the book in front of her frantically and finally pausing, "El you are going to have to gently push his head back in a few inches and then you literally will need to reach in and unravel the cord from around his neck." Elliot looked at the screen with a confused face and his wife leaned over Alex's shoulder, "Elliot, I know its weird and maybe super uncomfortable, but if you want to deliver two healthy babies today you need to suck it up and deal with it, you don't hear your partner complaining and she has every right to be."

Elliot slowly did as his wife had instructed while she guided him though each step. After a few minutes he could feel that he had removed some of the cord and he figured it was safe to push now. "Alright Liv, one more time and this will all be over."

"I can't El. I'm so tired." To her credit Olivia had been in labor for a long time and deliver twins while being held at gunpoint is no easy task. Alex was going to jump in and say something but Elliot beat her to it. "Liv listen, you know I'm not usually very hard on you, but this isn't exactly something you can walk away from. I know this day isn't what you hoped it would be but you have a beautiful son and you are about to have another one, but you need to dig down deep and find to strength to finish this. I'm right here helping you, just tune everything else out, breathe and push until I say to stop." Alex was a little bit shocked, as was everyone else, but Elliot's speech seemed to do the trick. Olivia leaned forward and pushed down hard and this time when the baby was crowning the cord was free from his neck. Elliot again cleared the airways before having Olivia continue pushing and like Elliot had said he came out much faster than his brother. His color however caused Elliot to panic slightly; the baby's face was definitely blue and Elliot had no idea how long his oxygen had been cut off. Elliot prayed often but in that moment he prayed a prayer he hoped he would never have to pray again; he prayed for that baby in his arms to cry.

"El, what's wrong?"

"The cord cut off his air supply and he's not breathing yet, but I'm gonna fix it." Elliot wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Liv or himself. Olivia looked terrified and Alex shared that same look of horror on the computer screen. "Kathy, help me out here. Please." Elliot was pleading for any advice to help the baby. This time Kathy knew what to say without the help of the book, "El, use two fingers and do chest compressions." Elliot started doing as he was told and once again the silence in the room was nerve wracking. Elliot paused after a few moments and waited, eyes shut tight he never remembered a time he prayed that hard for anything. And just as he was about to try again, he heard it. It wasn't a cry, more like a whimper, but he heard it. "Come on little man, you gotta breathe for me, just once, please." He kept helping the baby along, watching as his color evened out, until he finally heard what he could only describe as the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, the baby in his arms cried. The tears he had been trying to hide were running down her face as he handed the child to Liv who was just as emotional.

Back in Liz's office Alex had been pacing back and forth waiting for her son to cry and when he did it was a good thing Serena was nearby because Alex literally collapsed in tears. Serena caught her before she hit the floor and the two women stayed wrapped up in a hug for a few minutes until Alex finally pulled away. "I have two sons Serena, I have three children and they are all ok." Serena brushed the tears away and kissed Alex's forehead, "congrats mommy." Alex smiled and sat back down at the desk and watched as Elliot checked the placenta and bagged it before taking the gloves he had been using off and throwing them away. He reached over to take the first baby from Fin. The child was sleeping peacefully and Elliot kissed the top of his head before handed him and his brother to Liv. Olivia's smile was so big she thought her face would break, but in that moment she didn't care, she was holding her babies and that was all that mattered.

"You did it Liv." Elliot had seen Olivia do a lot of amazing things, but he was in awe of his partner. Olivia leaned over and kissed the side of Elliot face, "I'll never be able to thank for this, but thank you." Elliot opened his mouth to speak, but their recently silent gunman spoke up. "Great now she isn't pregnant so now she can answer for what she did to my brother." He held the gun pointed to the floor where Olivia was still positioned. Elliot moved into front of her without a second thought and just before he expected to hear a gunshot he heard a very different noise. He looked up to see Haddie standing in the middle of the bullpen with a stun gun in her hand. She had been waiting for her chance to jump in and help and with his back to her, she took the chance that was presented to her. The electrodes hit Sam square between the shoulders causing him to fall to his knees and drop the gun just out of reach.

"I have been hiding in that office listening to you complain about what happened to your brother for hours and hours, but that unpleasantness is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you." Haddie hit the button again, sending another surge of electricity through Sam's body. She walked close to him and picked him up by his collar and forced him to look at where Olivia and the boys were still sitting. "You see that woman there, that's my mother and those babies are my baby brothers. You fucked with the wrong family buster."

Sam was almost in tears, "I'm sorry."

"Not yet you aren't." Haddie got a few good kicks in before Elliot picked her up by her waist and put her down next to her mother. He turned around to see two officers cuffing Sam and leading him away. "Send the SWAT team in and get me the paramedics up here now, I want a clear path t the hospital now." Elliot barked orders before turning the camera, "Alex, meet us at the hospital we're leaving now." Alex nodded and after saying her I love you's and goodbye all the women packed up and headed to the parking garage.

While in the elevator Haddie finally looked at her new baby brothers and gave each of them a kiss, "you two certainly know how to make an entrance, Happy Birthday boys."

Alex took her phone out and hit a contact button, "Josh, meet us at the hospital now, I'll explain when we get there. Haddie is fine, but you will want be down here."

"Yes ma'am." Josh knew better than to argue. When she hung up the phone, her's started ringing and she saw the caller ID, "What did I say about playing to hero young lady?"

"I love you too mom."

**So again, sorry for the wait, but hopefully the length and story progression will make up for it. I realize that birth can and usually does take much longer than what I made it sound like. But my friend gave birth this morning so in honor of her daughter I wanted this chapter up today (Happy Birthday Aria). Please review.**


	23. What's In A Name?

**Glad to see that you all liked the last chapter and hopefully you guys like this one just as much.**

Serena had very few regrets in her life; she went to her dream schools, had her dream career, amazing friends and bright future ahead of her. Yes, Serena Southerlyn had few regrets, but right now her biggest regret was letting Alex drive them to the hospital. Serena sat shot gun holding onto anything she could while Alex took turns at twice the speed she should have been.

"Alex, the speed limit signs are not suggestions." Serena tried to break it to Alex gently.

"Serena I love you and when your wife gives birth on the floor of a police station while being held at gun point and your teenage daughter has to save everyone then you can drive to the hospital, but until that day comes I will drive however the hell I want. Any objections?" The entire car shook their heads no and Alex hit the accelerator again as they neared the hospital. When she pulled in out front Alex threw the car in park and literally ran out of the car and into the hospital, leaving her friends in the car. Kathy and Serena followed her in while Liz offered to park the car. Alex was instructed to go to the 3rd floor and that the nurses up there could tell her where Olivia was. Once again, opting to speed over comfort Alex took off running up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. She finally arrived on the third floor with Serena and Kathy hot on her tail. Alex walked over to the nurses' station and in a labored breath she tried to talk.

"Olivia Benson-Cabot…my wife..twin boys." The nurse behind the desk looked up and smiled, "you must be with the woman that they brought in a few minutes ago. Let me check the chart and see if they have her in a room yet." While she did that Alex laid her head on the counter and tried to catch her breath, but she didn't get to rest much before she heard a familiar voice.

"Mom?" Alex looked up to see Haddie standing there wearing an SVU field jacket. Alex wasted no time before walking over to her daughter and taking her face in her hands, "what did I say about playing the hero?"

"The phone was cutting in and out, I thought you said to be the hero." Haddie lied through her teeth and Alex knew it, but didn't care. "If you ever scare me like that again, you'll be so grounded it will be unreal. I'm just so damn happy that you're ok." Alex wrapped her arms around her daughter and a fresh batch of tear sprang from both women's' eyes. Alex kissed the top of Haddie's head before pulling back and brushing the tears out of her daughter eyes. "Any word on your mother, or where they are hiding her?" Haddie smiled, "they are getting her into a room now, but I think you need to see something first." Haddie started to walk away and Alex followed her with the other ladies trailing behind. Haddie stopped walking in front of a huge glass window and she pointed for Alex to look. When Alex turned she froze where she stood because there, in the very front of the nursery, were her sons. Alex pressed her hand against the glass and through tears smiled bigger than she ever had before.

"The nurse said they should be out of the incubators by tomorrow, with pre-mature babies they like to be careful and the second little guy has been having some breathing problems, but that is to be expected and should clear up with some extra oxygen." Alex was in a stunned silence, she couldn't believe it, she had two babies a few feet away from her and her last name was printed on their name cards. Haddie took a step closer to her mother, "mom, you ok?" Alex looked at her and smiled before pulling Haddie into a hug while they stood there watching the nurses tend to the boys. "I'm absolutely overjoyed because all three of my children are safe." Kathy took a picture of them standing like that before Alex waved them over. Serena started gushing like a proud Aunt, as did Kathy and Liz looked at Alex and started tearing up herself.

"Liz are you crying?"

"Don't look so shocked Alexandra, it's not every day I get to see my goddaughter become a mother."

"I was already a mother, but I know what you meant. Congratulations grandma."

"Please don't teach the boys to call me that, anything but that." Liz managed to laugh as they continued to look into the nursery. They were only interrupted when the nurse from the desk came over, "Mrs. Benson-Cabot? Your wife is set up in her room if you'd like you can go in now." Alex followed the nurse and walked into the door she pointed out to her. When she walked in Olivia was sitting up in bed talking to Elliot. Alex practically ran over to the bed and kissed her wife, Elliot was about to leave them alone when Alex stopped him.

"Don't you dare think you're walking out of this room without hugging me." Elliot smiled and opened his arms just as Alex launched herself into him. "Thank you for what you did, because of you my sons are ok and my wife is safe and my family is back together. I don't know what I can do to thank you for this or pay you back, but whatever you want it's yours." She kissed his cheek and he shook his head. With tears in his eyes and a crack in his voice Elliot looked at her, "you're family, you don't owe me a damn thing, they are my nephews, I'd die for them so I for one am glad that I got to help them be born instead. You owe me nothing, just enjoy your family and I think we'll call it even." Alex nodded before going over to Olivia and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"How you feeling? Are you in pain? Are you tired? Do you want me to stop talking?" Alex started rambling. "Lexi."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize just come here and cuddle with me." Liv moved over and let Alex lay down next to her. After a few moments of silence Olivia spoke, "we have sons Alex."

"Yeah we do and they are perfect, just like their mommy."

"They need names."

"Yes they do. Do our original names still sound good to you?" Olivia thought about it, "in light of what happened there is one thing I'd like to talk to you about doing." Alex turned to her wife and they revisited the names they had previously chosen and eventually they had made their final decision. They called in the nurse who helped them with the paper work and once that was dealt with they brought the babies in to help Olivia do the first feeding. When both babies were fed Olivia asked Alex to bring in everyone, so one by one the SVU team, Liz, Kathy and Serena all filed in. Haddie stood next to her mother's bed and was patiently waiting to hold her brothers.

"Everyone I know that today has been beyond stressful and that this wasn't how everything was supposed to turn out, but right now I have two relatively healthy babies and a wife and daughter who are safe and that's all I can ask for. So because I know you are all dying to know their names I won't make you wait any longer." Alex took the first baby out of Liv's arms and handed him to Haddie, "congratulations big sister." Haddie smiled and chocked back a fear tears before looking at Alex, "what's his name?"

Olivia smiled brightly and with confidence said, "James, James Donald, but we thought everyone could call him JD when he got older." Olivia explained and as she did the smile on Don's face grew wider. Olivia looked over to him and through the tears said, "you are my boss, but you have been the father figure I never thought I would have in my life and you are one of the best men I know. I want my son to grow up knowing that he was named after you for a reason, that his grandfather is someone he can and should look up to." Don gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek before looking at the baby in Haddie's arms, "he's perfect Liv, really prefect." Olivia smiled as she handed Alex baby number two who she promptly handed over to Elliot. This baby was smaller than his brother, but it was clear by how he came into the world that he was a fighter.

"Now before today we had a different name picked out, but in light of what happened we were moved and inspired by the events so much that we changed this name slightly." Alex looked Elliot dead in the eye, "we were planning on asking you to be his godfather." Elliot smiled and started cooing at the baby, "I'd be honored."

"Good, but we were also wondering how you would feel about sharing your name with another baby?" Elliot seemed confused; he thought he had heard Alex incorrectly. "What do you mean?"

Alex smiled proudly, "we mean that his name is Elliot Alexander, if you don't mind that is." Elliot was at a loss for words; he looked down at the baby in his arms and started to cry again. He kissed the top of the child's head and held him there for a moment before looking at him once more, "what do you think little man, you think you can handle a name like that?" As if on cue the baby made a little gurgling noise and Elliot laughed, "I guess that's a yes." He looked up at Alex and Olivia, "you didn't have to do that, I would have been thrilled just to be his godfather." Olivia shook her head, "without you he would have never survived. I owe you, we owe you our son's life, the very least we can do is give him your name. He will always know what you did for him, for all of us." You couldn't have slapped the smile off Elliot's face; he was completely honored and deliriously happy. Everyone got a turn holding the babies and it was a mess of people taking pictures of the boys with different people and Alex was only brought back to reality when her phone started to ring.

"Cabot."

"Christ almighty, Lex you have caller ID, you had to know it was me and not some defense attorney." Alex mentally hit herself; she was so preoccupied by the day's events she forgot to call her family. "Sorry Kim, today kind of got away from me."

"I guess I'll forgive you. How's everything going, Liv want the whole mess to be over with, those last few weeks are what drive women nuts?" Alex wasn't sure how to do this so she opted for playing it cool. "She's tired, it's been a long day. Have you been at the house all day?"

"Now, I had stuff to do around the city today. Naturally I got caught in the traffic jam from hell downtown though." Alex laughed and Kim didn't understand why, "since when is traffic funny Lexi?"

"I just happen to know what was causing the delays."

"What?" Alex sent one of the pictures of the twins to her sister's phone, "I just sent you a picture."

"Lexi, it isn't something gross right?"

"Kim I promise, this definitely isn't gross." Alex waited exactly three seconds before her sister started screaming. "You better have a damn fine reason for not calling us Lexi."

"Believe me I do, just get here when you can."

"We're leaving the house now, be there soon….and Lexi, congratulations." Alex put her phone in her pocket and just before she went back into the room she saw a familiar figure standing near the elevators. "Joshua?" She called after the boy and he almost fell over himself to get to her, "Alex, I got here as fast as I could, is she ok, is she hurt, why are we on the third floor, where is she, does she need a blood transplant, she can have mine, isn't this the floor women have babies on?" Alex smiled at the teenagers' actions; he was just as bad as she was when he got nervous about the person he loved.

"Joshua, take a breath, Haddie is just fine." The boy took a deep breath before talking again, "then why are we here?" Alex pointed to the door she was about to enter only seconds before. Josh walked into the room only to see Olivia holding both James and Elliot, one in each arm. Haddie ran to him and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, "you ok?"

"I'm fine, but do I have stories to tell you."

"And I want to hear them all, but first who are these handsome men." Joshua gestured to the babies Olivia was holding.

"Would you like to hold them Josh?" Josh lit up light a Christmas tree when Olivia asked him that, "I'd love to hold them." Liv handed him each baby and introduced them. Joshua sat down in a free chair with a baby in each arm and started to talk to them. "Thank God you guys came along; I've been outnumbered three to one so the extra testosterone finally evens out the house guys." He leaned his ear closer to James, "really you don't say. No I know the feeling, I don't know why they do that either, women a complicated my man." Haddie watched Josh talk softly to the boys and she'd never admit it, but she fell in love with him a little more in that moment. Slowly everyone filed out to let Olivia rest and Josh handed the boys back to the nurse, "be careful," he told her, "they are my brothers."

**So hopefully you liked this update and you liked the names I picked for the boys. Review for more.**


	24. Welcome Home

**I apologize for the long wait, but I had finals and then graduation, but the good news is I am back 100% and this story is now being written by a college graduate because last Saturday I graduated with my BS in Psychology! So hope you all forgive the wait and enjoy this next installment. **

After spending a few days in the hospital both the twins and Olivia were ready to be released and go home. The boys had been taken out of the incubators and were no longer having any trouble medically. The morning they were being discharged Elliot and Kathy brought some of the baby clothes from the nursery so that the boys could go home in their own oneses. Olivia was filling out paperwork while Alex and Serena were busy changing the boys into their outfits to go home.

Alex was cooing at James as she slipped socks on his feet and the baby happily giggled. "Who's mommy's happy boy is it you? Are you a happy baby?"

Serena laughed at her friend, "if only those defense attorneys could hear you now."

"Auntie Serena is being mean to mommy isn't she?" Alex laid James back in his temporary bassinet, "just wait until you have kids, you'll see."

"I will do no such thing. I plan on living vicariously through you and your kids."

"That's what you say now, but time will tell." Alex checked the diaper bag one last time and then headed back to Olivia's room. She walked in to see Olivia waiting on the edge of the bed. "The boys are all dressed and ready to go." Liv smiled, "perfect, as soon as the nurse takes this IV out we can sign the last discharge papers and we can be officially released." As if on cue a nurse entered the room and removed the IV from Olivia and helped her get into the wheelchair. As she was l wheeled to the car, Liv had James in her right arm and Elliot in her left and when they finally reached the car Alex took them one at a time and placed them in their car seats.

Serena and all the others were back at the apartment getting ready for the welcome home party. Some of Alex's family was going to be coming to meet the boys and so it was going to be a rather full house. Alex helped Olivia in the front seat and once she was convinced that everything was set they took off toward their home. Alex looked in the backseat through the rearview mirror and smiled at the sight of her sons sleeping. The eventually made it home, even though Alex insisted on going well below the speed limit: she insisted that she was carrying precious cargo. When they got to the apartment Elliot was waiting for them downstairs and took the car seat that James was in and the suitcase and started toward the elevators.

Liv moved slower, but eventually she and Alex made it into the elevator with the other car seat that held Elliot. Her partner turned to her, "you know it's going to get confusing, every time you say Elliot we won't know which one you are talking to."

"Well I better not have to ever tell my son to cover me with his gun."

"I'm serious Liv."

"So am I. You do have a point though and we have been talking about it. We think we'll call him Xander because of his middle name."

"People used to call daddy Xander all the time, so we think its fitting and far less complicated. When he gets older, he can decide what he wants to be called." At that moment the doors opened and they all headed to the apartment door which was propped open. When they walked in Serena and Liz were hanging decorations and Kathy was in the kitchen with Haddie getting food ready. The second the babies were brought in everyone started fawning all over them. Olivia took this chance to go shower and rest before everyone arrived. Alex put the boys in their bassinets but they of course didn't stay there long. James started to cry which triggered his twin to do the same thing. Alex grabbed two bottle of milk that Olivia had pumped before they left the hospital and she handed one to Haddie and one to Serena. Haddie picked up Elliot and Serena grabbed James and both of them settled onto the couch and began feeding the boys their bottles.

Olivia was fast asleep on their bed when Alex walked in to change her clothes. Alex decided to let her be and that she would wake her when everyone had shown up. She walked out of the room when she started to hear other voices in her living room. She walked into the living room and say her cousin Emily cooing over the babies with Tom standing behind her.

"Would you like to hold them?" Alex asked and everyone turned around. Emily ran over to Alex and hugged her tightly. "Congratulations Lexi, they are too cute for words."

"Yeah well they got that from their mom."

"Where is your blushing bride anyway?"

"She's resting; I'll wake her when everyone gets here." Alex reached for Xander as he started to fuss. She burped him and cleaned his face before handing him to Emily. "This handsome man is Elliot Alexander, Xander for short." Emily beamed, "and thee Cabot tradition continues, how many Alex's do you think we have in our family?"

"Dozens if not more than that, but he is by far the most precious." Alex kissed the top of her son's head. The doorbell rang and pulled Alex back to being a hostess as she went to answer it. Standing in the doorway when she opened the door was her sister and her sister's family. Before she could say anything Kim had Alex wrapped up in big hug.

"Kim she needs to be able to breathe." Keith reminded his wife who finally let Alex go. "Right, sorry, got over excited because my baby sister became a mommy again! How's Olivia by the way?" Before Alex could answer Olivia appeared at her side, "A little sore, but really much much better. Thank you guys for coming on such short notice."

"You're kidding right; wild horses couldn't keep me away. Now where is my lovely niece and my brand new nephews?"

"In the living room." The adults headed that way when Lily spoke up. "Aunt Alex?"

"Yes Lily?"

"Can I hold one of the babies?"

"You sure can. After mommy and daddy hold them you can sit down and hold one of them." The child smiled wide, "I'm very good at holding Matthew so I'll be extra careful." When they rounded the corner into the living room Kim almost fainted she held her breath for so long after seeing the babies. "Allie, Liv, they are both too perfect. Hello sweet boys." Kim was cooing at James who was wiggling around in Haddie's arms. "Would you like to hold him?"

"I would love to hold him." Kim took the baby from her niece's outstretched arms and started gently rocking him in her arms. "Oh my god, Allie, he is going to break so many hearts."

"He got his looks from his mommy that's for sure." Liv blushed and smiled. Keith held James after Kim was done and then told Lilly to sit on the couch. He helped her wrap her arms around the baby and still support him head. Lilly looked up at her Aunt as everyone took pictures, "Does he have a name?"

"They both have names."

"What's his name?" She looked at the baby she was holding and Alex smiled. "You are holding James, but we're gonna call him JD."

"Can I call him Jamie?"

"I don't see why not." Lily smiled and gave the baby a kiss on his forehead. "hi Jamie, I'm Lily and I'm your cousin and I love you more than ice cream, well almost." All the adults couldn't help but let a few tears fall because it was the most innocently precious thing ever. After a few minutes, the baby started to cry and Lily looked upset, "did I do something wrong?"

Liv went over and picked up the baby, "no honey, he just needs to be changed, that's all." Over the next 15 minutes, the rest of the family filled the apartment and everyone got their turns holding the boys. As the babies napped everyone took the opportunity to eat without worrying who was holding which baby. Half way through dessert Bill tapped his glass with his spoon and called for everyone's attention.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say congratulations to my lovely niece and her bride. The 2 new additions to our family are certainly a welcome start to the summer. When my brother, may he rest in peace, was ill he made me promise to look after his girls. I take my job very seriously and insist on taking of their families as well. Keeping that in mind I have a gift for both my grandnephews and my grandniece." Bill handed Haddie 3 envelopes and she opened the one with her name on it. She scanned the paper and looked confused so Josh grabbed the paper from her and read it himself. When he finished reading it he was stunned, "babe, he opened a trust fund for you." He checked the other two papers, "for all three of you…for 50 grand each." The entire table fell silent.

Liv was the first one to say anything, "Bill that is incredibly generous gift, but its.." Bill waved her off. "Don't you dare say it's too much. Kimberly's children got the same amount when they were born and besides your father would roll over in his grave if he thought I wasn't taking care of his daughters. Haddie's has a little bit more in it because they all should even out to the same amount when the kids turn 21." Alex stood up and hugged her Uncle and Olivia did the same, neither of them knew what to say other than thank you over and over again. Haddie went to hug him as well and as she did Bill leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Now you promise me you'll use that money for college before you marry that young man." He nodded over to where Josh was sitting and Haddie smiled. "I promise." The rest of the party died down and people started to head home eventually just Josh, Kim, her family, Serena, Elliot and Kathy were still in the house. Kathy and Serena were doing the dishes and Olivia was resting in the bedroom.

Just as they were done cleaning the boys started to cry. Alex moved to go pick the boys up, but Josh practically fell over his own feet to reach them first. He scooped one baby up in each arm and sat down in the recliner. He let each baby rest on their stomachs against his chest as he rubbed his hands up and down their backs in an effort to soothe them. He started to hum and eventually the humming turned into his singing softly, but loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know that I am here  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you  
And covers you with fear and shame  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed  
And sleep no longer comes  
Remember all the words I said  
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley  
And the shadow comes down from the hill  
If morning never comes to be  
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go  
And lose where you came from  
If no one is standing beside you  
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know I am

When he was done with the song both the boys were sound asleep and they were both snuggled into his chest. Alex stood still in the dining room and smiled with some tears in her eyes because in that moment she was fairly certain that Josh would be a permanent fixture in the their family.

"He's good with them." Haddie appeared behind Alex hold her phone that she had used to record her boyfriend singing to her baby brothers.

"He is and they clearly love him, almost as much as you do." Haddie got quiet and Alex leaned over and whispered in her ear. "It's ok to say it you know."

"Say what?"

"That you love him."

"I don't want to scare him away, he's already dating the resident crazy girl at school."

"You are not crazy, you are getting help for a very serious problem. And he has stood by you and this family though everything that has happened the last few months and that says something about him and how he feels about you. He isn't going anywhere. It's ok to say it to him." Alex went back into the kitchen and Haddie slowly made her way over to the chair where Josh was now half asleep himself. She gave him a quick kiss and waited for him to open his eyes. When he did, he looked at her and smiled. "What was that for?"

"I love you." Haddie spit it out fast and kissed him once more before running out of the room and into her bedroom. Josh laughed and looked down at the sleeping babies. "Women are very complex creatures boys, but they are totally worth it."

**So I have the next chapter planned out so let me know what you all think and next chapter I'm bringing someone back that we haven't seen for a long time so review to find out who it is.**


	25. Some Things Never Change?

**Some of you guys guessed who was coming back into the story and so I hope this meets your expectations.**

It had been about three weeks since the boys had come home from the hospital and everyone had fallen into a routine with them. Alex and Liv had worked hard to get them on some kind of feeding and sleeping schedule which was hit or miss. Sometimes they would sleep through the night, sometimes they would wake up every 2 hours. Haddie would try to help where she could and sometimes that just meant making sure the house didn't become an absolute mess. She and Josh would help her mothers by doing the dishes or cleaning up the bathrooms just so that they wouldn't have to do so in their exhausted state.

On this particular day Alex and Olivia were trying to leave the apartment for a doctor appt. but that was easier said than done. If one baby wasn't crying it was the other one and Alex was trying desperately to calm Xander down, but with JD crying just as hard there was no way either baby was going to stop anytime soon. The doorbell rang and Alex almost started crying herself at that point. She put Xander back in his bassinet and went to answer the door. When she opened it Josh was standing there looking apologetic.

"I'm having a key made for you tomorrow. Haddie is in her room getting dressed. Is there any way you could stay with her while we go to this appt. for Liv?"

"Sure thing. May I?" Josh pointed to one of the screaming infants and Alex smiled. "Please, but I'd be surprised if you could calm him down…" Alex was quickly silenced when Josh picked up Xander and the baby slowly started to calm down. Eventually he was silent and Josh put him in Alex's arms and picked up JD and basically the same thing happened. Alex looked at him in awe, "I should have called you at 3am when I started begging them to go to sleep. I think I offered them cars for their 10th birthday if they fell asleep right then and there."

Josh smiled, "happy to help. I can keep an eye on them while you go get dressed." It was then that Alex realized that she was still in her robe and not dressed to leave the house at all. She put Xander down and retreated into the bedroom and when she returned she was dressed and Liv was right behind her. "Thanks for staying with Haddie and them, I'm sure she'll appreciate the help, I know we do." Olivia patted the boy on the shoulder and turned to holler for Haddie. "Honey, we're leaving now, Josh is here to help you with your brothers." Olivia picked up her purse and turned back to the teenager, "we're probably going to grab lunch after the doctor's appt. is over, but we'll have our phones if you guys need anything. I left bottles in the kitchen for them." With that both women walked out of the apartment and Haddie came out of her room.

"Thank god you're here; they haven't stopped crying since 1 this morning." She gave Josh a quick kiss before heading into the kitchen. "You hungry, I was thinking about heating up leftovers for lunch because I slept through breakfast."

"Sounds good to me." The two of them made themselves a make shift lunch and ate while the boys took a much needed nap. As they were getting ready to finish their meal the doorbell rang. "You get the door, I'll get the dishes cleared." Josh stood up and took the plates while Haddie went to go answer the door. When Haddie checked the peep hole she didn't really recognize the person standing there so she cautiously opened the door. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, is Alexandra home?"

"I'm sorry neither of my mothers are home, can I ask who's asking?"

The woman paused for moment in a clear state of shock, "Charlotte Cabot, I'm Alexandra's mother." The next few seconds were spent in a stunned silence which was only broken when Josh came over to see what was going on. "What going on?"

"Josh this is Charlotte Cabot, Alex's mother." Josh turned to the older woman with a slight frown on his face, "Alex isn't home right now, you're going to have to leave."

"And who are you to throw me out of my own child's home?"

"First off, your child is hardly a child, she's a grown woman, with a wife and a family and I'm the person she trusts to keep them safe while she's out of the apartment. None of this changes the fact that you need to leave now." Josh was forceful, but hardly rude.

"She's my daughter and I will do what I wish. Now I was told Alexandra had twin boys, I'd like to see my grandsons." Charlotte tried to push past Joshua only to be met with his arms preventing her from passing. "First off, Olivia gave birth to them and almost died in the process so thank you for your concern and secondly, I have already told you that you are not welcome in this house without Alex or Olivia here. Leave, now." This time all propriety went out the window; Josh was in protective mode and Charlotte Cabot didn't scare him.

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea who you are. You are the woman who pushed her daughter away the second you found out she was gay. You're the woman who pushed her even further away when your husband died, may he rest in peace. You're the woman who tried to fix her daughter when all she did was love differently than you did. You're the woman who lost her daughter and when she came back from the dead you still pushed her away again. You're the woman who had the chance to make it all better when Olivia took two bullets to the chest in order to save your daughter, but you didn't. Please stop me if I have forgotten something. So yeah, I know who you are, the question is do you realize the damage you have caused?"

Charlotte shifted from side to side and looked up at Josh, "I admit, I've made some mistakes, but Alexandra isn't without her faults."

"All humans have faults ma'am, every last one of us." Josh was genuinely unimpressed.

"I know I've done a lot to hurt Alexandra, but I would like to try to fix some it."

"Not sure how you plan on making up for suggesting that your daughter needed professional help because she's a lesbian, but I can't wait to hear this."

"I know you won't believe me, but I was raised with a very old way of thinking and I couldn't break away from it."

"Why should I believe that you have changed at all?"

"Because I don't want to spend the rest of my life hearing about my grandsons from second hand sources. I don't want to remain alienated from my daughters. I'd like to fix what Alexandra and I had before it's too late."

"What makes you think it isn't already too late?"

"I pray that isn't. Olivia said that when I ready to face the truth and try and fix things that I knew where to find Alexandra, I hope that it isn't too late."

"Mrs. Cabot this is all very touching, but I'm still not letting you in this house and quite frankly I don't trust anything you are saying."

"Well then I guess it's good that I'm not asking for your forgiveness." Charlotte sneered and Joshua smirked. "No you're not, but you are asking my permission to get in the home and you aren't getting it." Charlotte pushed past him, "this is my daughter's home and I will do as I wish." Just before she got to the basinets Haddie stepped in front of her.

"You must be the young lady Alexandra adopted."

"I was adopted by both of my parents, you keep talking like I only have the one."

"I just want to see my grandchildren."

"Well you are looking at one of them, I am legally your grandchild, but I don't count right? I know what you put my mother through and I would rather die than think that I let my brothers around that kind of hatred."

"I've had enough of this, let me see my grandsons." Charlotte put her hand on Haddie shoulder and started to push her away when Josh grabbed her wrist and force himself between her and Haddie, "I'm not a man that hits women Mrs. Cabot, but that doesn't mean I can't or that I won't so if you threaten my family again, if you lay one finger on that girl again, I will pop you one so help me God." Josh turned to Haddie, "take them into the bedroom and lock the door please." Haddie did so quickly and left Josh alone with Charlotte. "Now for the final time, LEAVE."

"You have no right to throw me out."

"You have no right to be here. You pushed her away and missed every single major life event. You missed her falling in love with her partner. You missed their wedding. You missed the adoption of your granddaughter. You missed them getting pregnant. You missed the birth of your grandsons. You missed so much, you have no fucking right to come back here demanding anything from her so before I call the police, get out." Charlotte placed her purse on her shoulder and quietly made her way to the door, "Please tell Alexandra I was here?"

"The second you leave I'm calling her, that you can count on." With that she left and Josh locked the door behind her before heading to the bedroom. "Haddie, you can come out now she's gone." When she opened the door it was pretty clear she was crying. Josh held her close to him and tried to calm her down.

"Hey, she's gone and I'm gonna make sure she doesn't come back without your mom being here." Haddie shook her head, "that's not why I'm upset."

"Then why are you upset?"

"She grabbed my shoulder and I don't know why but it felt like I was back with my dad. She didn't even grab me that hard, but it felt like when he used to hit me and I don't want to feel like that ever again." She collapsed back into his chest and Josh felt a renewed sense of anger. "No one, no one will ever hurt you like that again, I swear to you. Come on let's lie down ok?" Haddie laid across one side of her mothers' bed and Josh was about to lie down next to her when the boys started crying. He picked each baby up and carefully lay down with them. They settled into his chest like they had done before and Haddie snuggled into his side. With his one free hand Josh sent a text to Alex before turning his attention back to the trio of crying people that were surrounding him.

Alex and Olivia were about to leave the restaurant when Alex's phone buzzed. When she read the text her heart stopped for a brief moment.

'Your mother stopped by…you both need to get home ASAP.'

**Charlotte will be back in the next few chapters and I have my plans for her and Alex trying to mend their relationship, but Rome wasn't built in a day so bear with me. Review and tell me what you think.**


	26. Mommy Dearest

**Thanks for the reviews everyone. I will be moving over the next few days and I will not have internet till Thursday so I won't be able to really do anything else till then, so here is the next part of the story.**

Alex was fuming the entire way home; she kept passing between being angry and scared so Olivia demanded that she be the one to drive. They got stuck in terrible traffic that was moving at a dead slow so in an effort to busy herself Alex took this moment to call her sister.

"Hey Lexi."

"Guess who showed up at my home today?"

"I'm guessing by your tone that it isn't anyone you wanted to see."

"Mother decided to pop in for a visit."

"You're kidding."

"Do I sound like I'm kidding Kim?"

"Hey don't take that tone with me Lexi, I am not the enemy here." Alex took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, it's just the kids were home on their own and Josh texted us and something must have happened because he seemed shaken up by it. We are on our way home now, but we were at a doctors appt. when she showed up."

"You don't think she did anything to the kids do you?" The thought hadn't crossed Alex's mind, but now it was there. "If she did, you'll have to come visit me in jail." Olivia shot her a glance that told her to calm down before she did something she regretted.

"We are about three blocks from the apartment; meet me there and then you and I are paying mother a visit."

"I'm leaving the house now."

"I'd walk if I were you, traffic is awful. See you soon." As she ended the phone call Olivia took the final turn into their apartment parking garage. Alex tapped her nails the entire time they were in the elevator and before they reached their door Olivia stopped her. "Hey, take a second and calm down."

"She was in our home, with our daughter and our sons, when we weren't there and a 16 year old had to throw her out, how are you so calm about this?"

"Because if we go in there now and we are all worked up and angry, it will help no one and it will only scare them more. Level heads are the way to go here Alex." Alex sighed deeply, "I hate it when you right." Olivia smirked and opened their door. "Josh, Haddie, we're back." Josh appeared out the master bedroom with JD still in his arms. "Sorry she fell asleep in your bed and couldn't leave her. Xander is still asleep; J man here just woke up." Josh handed the baby to Olivia and turned back to Alex, "I'm sorry to have you rush back here so soon, but she was terrified."

"What happened exactly?" Josh told Alex everything that happened and when he was done Alex was a brand new shade of red in the face and a whole new level of pissed off. "She actually touched her?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry I didn't keep her at the door, but I didn't think she would just barge in like that." The poor boy looked so upset Alex felt bad for him. She gave him a hug and smiled at him, "you did nothing to be sorry for, ok, you protected all of them and got her out of this house, which is no small task." The doorbell rang and the teenager tensed, "it's ok, it's just my sister." Olivia opened the door and Kim walked in giving her and the baby a kiss. Alex grabbed her purse and made her way toward the front door and in the process grabbed Kim's wrist, pulling her along with her, "what's the rush Lexi?"

"She pushed my child." Kim locked her jaw and breathed out a sharp breath through her nose, "right so you're not driving." The drive to their mother's house was dead silent and when they pulled out in front Alex paused for a second. "So if you think I'm going to kill her stop me, other than that just back me up."

"Don't I always?" Kim winked and got out of the car. They knocked on the door twice and then rang the bell. They didn't wait long before the door opened with their mother standing on the other side. "I didn't realize you would both be coming over, please come in." Her tone was almost sickening it was so sweet. They both entered the brownstone and walked into the living room. "I assume you are here to discuss my visit to your home this morning Alexandra."

"Yes mother. Josh told us what happened."

"Well?" Alex laughed to herself, her mother really expected her to not be angry. "Well, mother, let's start this conversation by making one thing very clear." Alex walked right up to Charlotte and before Kim could stop she slapped her mother hard enough that the echo was heard throughout the room. Charlotte's hand flew up to the side of her face that was now bright red and Kim rushed to Alex and wrapped her sister up in a sort of bear hug, preventing her from doing it again.

Before Charlotte could recover Alex started yelling, "if you ever, EVER lay a hand on one of my children again you will have to pray that I give you a head start because I will track you to every corner of this earth and kick your uppity butt till hell won't have it again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Alexandra, I didn't hurt the girl."

"She isn't a girl, mother, she is my child, my daughter and you had no right, no fucking right to lay your hands on her period. Do you know why I'm this mad, any idea why I could strangle you with my bare hands and not feel bad about it? If you cared, if you knew anything about my life, you would have known that we adopted her from an abusive home where her father beat her severely and at one point almost beat her to death. When you pushed her and were acting aggressively she felt just like she used to feel when her father would beat her. So are you proud of yourself now mother, huh, you proud that you terrified a 16 year old girl?" Kim kept a tight hold on her sister and watched as her mother's face showed clear signs of remorse.

"Alexandra, I had no idea and I truly meant no harm to…what is her name?"

"Hadassah."

"Alex, I know I don't deserve it and feel free to say no, but I want to fix what you and I have."

"We have nothing worth fixing mother, you made your choice a long time ago before daddy died and once he was gone we had nothing left to say to each other."

"Ten minutes of your time is all I ask for and then after that you can walk out that door and never speak to me again." Alex relaxed a little so Kim let her go and they both sat down. "You have 5 and crocodile tears will get you nowhere."

"Alexandra, I know I don't deserve a second chance, but I will do anything to prove to you that I am not that same woman that treated you so badly for something that isn't your fault, something that isn't fault worthy. I grew up in a different time and I was expected to act and think a certain way and the people in my circle of friends and even in your grandparents circle of friends made it very clear, gay people were bad people. I didn't know that someone could live that way and be happy, but you are, you're married and have children and you proved me wrong. I can't say that I understand it, but I want to try to, I've been reading all the books I could find and they make a lot of sense. Please I know I don't deserve it, but I'd like to try to make up for everything I've done. I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't at least try to make this right. I'd like to know my grandchildren, all three of them and I'd like to know my daughter in law." Alex was quiet for a moment before speaking, "I have half a mind to leave this house right now and never look back, but I believe you when you say you are sorry. That doesn't mean that it fixes everything you have done because it doesn't not by a long shot. If you are serious, really serious about making up for the things you have done then buckle up mother because I am putting you through hell. Also you owe Haddie a huge apology; that is if Josh ever lets you near her again. And just so we are clear, this doesn't make up for all the things you missed, but hating you takes so much energy and I'm done wasting that much energy hating someone I should love." Alex stood up and gathered her things, "you have one shot mother, don't screw it up." With that both Alex and Kim left the house and made their way back to Alex's home.

Back at the apartment Olivia fed JD and put him in his crib before returning to the living room where Josh was pacing. "Joshua, honey, you need to calm down."

"I can't." Olivia had never heard the boy snap like that before. Josh instantly felt bad, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, but I'm just so angry. She just came in here and hurt her and I couldn't stop it." Olivia sat down on the couch with the boy and tried to calm him down. "Josh, there was nothing that you could have done differently. Charlotte is stubborn and she was going to do as she pleased and there was nothing you could have done to stop that. You protected them all the best way you could, you are not to blame for the choices another person makes ok?"

"She was so scared." The tears in the corners of his eyes made Olivia feel even worse for not being there when hurricane Charlotte came through. "Honey, you made sure she was safe and you were there for her."

"I promised her that no one would ever hurt her like that again and then I let it happen."

"You didn't let anything happen, ok, you were there for her and she needed that more than anything else, ok." Josh nodded his head and at that moment the door opened and Alex and Kim walked into the apartment. Olivia stood to meet them, "how'd it go? Charlotte still breathing?"

"Just barely." Kim shot her sister-in-law a knowing glance.

"That bruise will heal." Alex said without much emotion. "Besides she should have known better then to lay a hand on my child. How is she doing by the way?"

"Still sleeping, she took a pill before we got home so I don't think she's going to be waking up for a while. The boys are fed and are hanging out in their crib and she is asleep in our bed."

"Well maybe we can work on dinner and by the time its ready she'll be feeling like some food. Kim you staying?"

"Sure, let me make sure Keith can handle the kids." She stepped away to use her phone and Alex looked at Josh, "how about you honey are you staying?"

"I would love to, but I have to head home as soon as she wakes up, it's my dad's birthday and we are having a dinner for him at the house."

"Honey you can go home any time, we'll have her call you when she wakes up."

"With all due respect Alex, I'm not leaving her again, not after today. Is it ok if I stay for a little bit longer?" Alex smiled, "of course you can stay." Josh helped Alex prep for dinner and Olivia went into the bedroom to check on Haddie who was now awake, but still spread out on their bed. "You feeling better honey?"

"Is she gone?"

"She's been gone for a while honey. It's ok." She sat down on the bed and laid down opposite her daughter. "Did that nap help?"

"A little…he told you what happened didn't he?"

"Did you expect him not to?"

"I guess not, it was dumb."

"It wasn't dumb, she had no right to push you and anyone would have been frightened by that."

"How's mom?"

"She's mad at Charlotte, but I think they will find a way through this somehow. They are making dinner if you feel like eating." The teenager sat up, "food sounds good." She got up off the bed and followed Olivia back into the living room. It wasn't the day any of them had planned, but as far as happy endings go, this was a good as it was going to get for the time being.


	27. Brunch

**Sorry for the delay but my sister's wedding was insane, it was beautiful and fun and now it's over so here is the next chapter. Enjoy.**

It had been about a week since Charlotte had come and made a mess of things and Alex was still torn between forgiving her mother and being perfectly happy being mad at her forever. Olivia tried to offer her wife perspective but that didn't always prove to be helpful. "Am I supposed to forgive her just like that?" Alex was pacing back and forth in their bedroom late at night. Olivia was nursing JD and was getting dizzy watching Alex walk around like that. "No, Lexi that isn't what I'm saying. She hurt you deeply, she hurt our child and scared her and those are things that maybe she doesn't deserve to be forgive for, but you can start fresh."

"So I'm supposed to pretend she never disowned me, she never called me sick, she never suggested that I was somehow less of a human being because I fell in love with a woman. You tell me how I'm supposed to forget about that." Alex was completely unhinged, but Olivia understood, the damage had been done and it ran deep. Olivia put the now sleeping baby in his bed with his brother before walking over to Alex. "Look at me Alex." Eventually her wife's blue eyes looked up.

"I know she hurt you and there is nothing to make that pain go away and I would never insult you by asking you to forget that it ever happened. What I am suggesting is that if you want to try to have your mother in your life then you are going to need to rebuild the relationship on new ground."

"Aren't you mad at her?"

"I hate her for what she did to you, for what she made you feel. I can't stand thinking about you when you were a teenager, needing her support and not getting it. But Alex take it from someone who learned all this too late, the time for healing and rebuilding is before you have to order your mother's tombstone. Give it a shot and if you can't find some common ground then walk away knowing that you tried your hardest." Olivia walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Alex felt guilty and followed her wife, "Liv I didn't mean to cast my mommy issues onto you, I just, I'm so torn between wanting to forgive her and not wanting to risk getting hurt again. I'm not the only person in this anymore, it's you and the kids and I can't invite someone into our lives that I think will end up leaving us in heartache." Olivia sighed and placed her hands on either side of Alex's shoulders, "you're the smartest person I know Alex, use your head, use your heart and take a chance. You said it yourself; it's not just you anymore, I'm right here to help you with this and I will support whatever you want to do."

Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia before pulling back and taking a deep breath herself, "one chance, one, and if she screws it up that's it." Olivia nodded and pointed down the hall, "good now we just have to tell Haddie and then we can move forward, maybe invite her over for brunch one day." Alex smiled and headed toward Haddie's room. She knocked before opening the door to see the teen scribbling down in the journal on her desk while she was humming along to her ipod. When she heard the door open she looked up and closed the book. "Need help with dinner?"

"No, not yet, I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"No conversation ever started with 'we need to talk' that then ended in some happy way so in advance if I did something wrong, I'm sorry." The teen smiled and Alex knew she was messing with her so she continued. "I wanted to ask you how you felt about my mother maybe coming over this weekend for brunch; I wanted to see your feelings before I actually invited her."

"Well I have to face her at some point don't I, I mean hiding would seem a little dumb. It's not like she's gonna hurt me again, pretty sure one of you would have her pinned to the floor before she got the chance."

"You're very quick to forgive her." Alex was confused and a little shocked.

Haddie shrugged her shoulders, "I've lived all my life with people who are real monsters and I'd like to think I can tell the difference between people capable of change and people not worth my time or energy. You mother is misguided, but she isn't so lost that she can't find her way back."

"Anyone ever tell you that you are a very bright teenager?"

"A few people. I'm serious though; I can start to forgive her as long as she is serious about changing her tune and provided she apologizes."

"Oh she will most definitely be apologizing to you." Alex turned to leave, but Haddie caught her wrist, "to you, she needs to apologize to you. Adults get so focused on making sure that their children are treated right that they forget that they should be treated with the same kindness. She didn't make my childhood hell, she did one incredibly stupid thing that hurt me, but she did that for the better part of two decades with you. She owes us all an apology, but you especially." Alex was stunned; Haddie was right, Alex had been so focused on making sure her mother made it up to Haddie that she completely forgot that Alex was healing from decades of painful memories. Alex recovered and looked back at her daughter, "I'm going to go call her now, dinner will be ready soon." Haddie smiled and returned to her notebook as Alex walked out of the room. Olivia was waiting in the kitchen and looked up when Alex walked in.

"So, what's the verdict?"

"She said ok, guess I'll go call my mother." Alex picked up the house phone and went into the bedroom. The phone rang twice before her mother answered, "Hello?"

"Mother it's Alex."

"Alexandra, this is a pleasant surprise, what do I owe this phone call?"

"Olivia and I are having brunch tomorrow and we wanted to invite you over. We figured if you are going to try to be more a part of our family this would be a good way to ease the tension. We have to start somewhere right?"

"I'd be delighted to come Alexandra. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Nope, just a positive attitude and the understanding that it may be a slightly awkward brunch while everyone gets reacquainted."

"I'm looking forward to it Alexandra, see everyone tomorrow morning." With that the elder Cabot hung up allowing Alex to join her family for dinner. When dinner was finished and the dishes put away Alex sat down and planned out the menu for the next day. Olivia sat down and tried to get Alex to take a second and relax.

"Lexi, we don't have anything to prove to her; this is her proving she is worthy of being in our lives, not the other way around." Alex threw her pencil down in frustration. "I know, but it's like I'm 18 again and all I want is to make my mother happy no matter what it does to me." Alex rested her forehead in her hands and shook her head back and forth. Olivia grabbed Alex's wrists and forced her wife to look up, "hey, look at me, I know this is hard to start from scratch, but you and I have NOTHING to prove to her. If she isn't proud of her ADA super successful lawyer daughter and her career ladder climbing cop daughter-in-law and the children we have then that is her issue. I will not apologize for our life or for loving you and you need to come into this knowing that your life should be celebrated, not chastised."

"I really would be lost without you, you know that right."

"That's why I married you, can't have my lovely lady getting lost can I?" Olivia kissed Alex before standing up from the table. Before she could say anything else the boys started to cry, "well duty calls, when they are fed I'm gonna shower then head to bed, you coming?"

"Yeah I'll lock up then be right behind you." Alex made a list of food they needed from the market and left it on the table. She locked the door and went to check on Haddie who was brushing her hair out in front of her mirror. "Joshua coming tomorrow?"

"You're kidding right, I'm gonna have to remind him that my parents are crime fighters professionally and he doesn't need to be my personal pit bull. He promised to be open minded, but he is on high alert when it comes to grandma and me."

"You called her grandma."

"Well that's what she is, right? Unless you don't want me to call her that." Alex shook her head and kissed the side of her daughter's head, "you call her what makes you comfortable. Sleep well sweetheart." Alex got into her room and Liv was already in the shower and the boys were in their bassinets. JD was fast asleep, but Xander was starring at the ceiling and started to gurgle when she heard Alex come in. She scooped up her son and sat down on her side of the bed. "You know what buddy, the only thing I know for sure is that my mother can't possibly hate you and your brother, you're just too perfect." The baby blew a bubble and Alex couldn't help but smile, "I love you too baby boy." Alex kissed his head and rocked him gently as he slowly started to close his eyes. By the time Olivia was out of the bathroom the baby was fast asleep and Alex was putting him back in his spot next to JD. Both women climbed into bed and after fiddling with her wedding ring for a while Alex finally let herself fall asleep. She was the first one that woke up when the babies started crying at 3am and after feeding them their bottles and changing them she managed to get a few more hours of sleep before her alarm woke her up at 6:45. With Haddie up early and the babies dressed for the time being, Alex and Liv set off for the store. About a hundred dollars later they were done getting food, but the hard part was getting it home and cooked in enough time.

When Alex finally got the door unlocked and pushed her way into the apartment she could hear the piano being played and singing. When she put the bags down she saw Josh sitting at their piano banging out the music and Haddie sitting on the bench with him holding JD who seemed to be thrilled by the music. Usually it was Haddie singing so seeing Josh do it was always fun for everyone. The two women started coking while the boy sang.

**Where did all the people go?  
They got scared when the lights went low.  
I'll get you through it nice and slow,  
When the world's spinning out of control.**

Afraid of what they might lose  
Might get scraped or they might get bruised.  
You could beg them, what's the use?  
That's why it's called a moment of truth

Josh leaned over to where he was still playing but was nose to nose with the baby in Haddie's arms.

**I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you don't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.**

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

Funny when times get hard,  
At the last moment when you're supposed to charge,  
Always on the longest yard,  
Oh, they feel their feet getting cold.

Hiding here, hiding there,  
Find them underneath the stairs,  
People hiding everywhere,  
Trying to be still like a stone.

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you can't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

My aim is so true,  
I wanna show you,  
I'll try forever,  
I'm never gonna say "surrender".

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you can't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

I'll be your soldier  
Well I'll be, oh I'll be your soldier  
I'll be your soldier  
I'll be your soldier

Everyone applauded and both babies were laughing so Josh figure he did something right. He stood up from the bench and walked to the kitchen, "need any help ladies?"

"Not in here, the eggs will go on last and the rolls are in the oven, as are the potatoes and everything else is served cold, so for now you can be the live entertainment." Josh smiled, "gladly, any requests?"

"No, just anything that will keep the babies as happy as they both are now." Olivia gestured to the play pen the boys were now in. The teenager returned to the piano where he and Haddie played around with different songs for about an hour. They helped set the table before returning to the instrument. Around 11 the buzzer went off and Olivia went to answer it.

"Det. Benson, there is a woman down here claiming to be Alex's mother, want me to send her up?"

"It's her mother John so go ahead and send her up."

"Right away ma'am." Olivia looked over and Alex was pruning the flowers that sat on the table and it was clear that she was at the height of her nervous energy. She waited by the door for the knock she knew would be coming and sure enough a few minutes later she heard the noise that made Alex heart stop for a second. She waited until Alex took a breath and looked a little less pale before opening the door. Charlotte Cabot was not a short woman, Alex and she were roughly the same height so when she stood in the doorway it was easy to see the family traits were hereditary.

"Good morning Charlotte." Olivia reached out to take the plate of food that was in her hands. Charlotte returned the smile and walked through the front door pausing only to take off her hat. "Alexandra didn't tell me what to bring so I brought a fruit plate, just to be safe."

"It's perfect thank you. Come on in." Liv shut the door behind her and set the food on the table before looking around for Alex. "Lexi was right here a second ago. Lex, your mom is here." Olivia shouted down the hall and finally Alex emerged from the bathroom and walked past her wife and over to her mother. "Hello, mother, thanks for joining us."

"I was happy when you called Alexandra." The conversation seemed to stop there and to break the tension Olivia jumped in, "let's go get the kids and tell them food is ready. The three adults walked into the living room where Josh was still playing the piano, but this time Haddie was singing while perched next to him on the bench.

(Haddie)

**My mother bought it secondhand from a silent movie star  
It was out of tune but still I learned to play  
And with each note we both would smile forgetting who we are  
And all the pain would simply fly away**

Something secondhand and broken still can make a pretty sound  
Even if it doesn't have a place to live  
Oh, the words were left unspoken when my Mama came around  
But that Secondhand White Baby Grand still had something beautiful to give

Through missing keys and broken strings the music was our own  
Until the day we said our last goodbyes  
The baby grand was sent away  
A child all alone, to pray somebody else would realize 

Josh jumped in with Haddie and nudged her shoulder as he sang.

**(Josh and Haddie)**

**That something secondhand and broken still can make a pretty sound  
Even if it doesn't have a place to live  
Oh, the words are still unspoken now that Mama's not around  
But that Secondhand White Baby Grand still has something beautiful to give**

For many years the music had to roam  
Until we found a way to find a home  
So now I wake up every day and see her standing there  
Just waiting for a partner to compose  


**(Haddie)  
And I wish my mother still could hear that sound beyond compare  
I'll play her song till everybody knows  
That something secondhand and broken still can make a pretty sound  
Don't we all deserve a family room to live **

**(Both)  
Oh, the words can't stay unspoken until everyone has found **

Josh took his hands off the keys and let her finish it on her own.****

That Secondhand White Baby Grand that still has something beautiful to give  
I still have something beautiful to give 

Josh leaned over and kissed Haddie's cheek and everyone else clapped. The two stood up and Haddie went over to her mothers, not knowing quite what to do with Charlotte. "That was beautiful; you are both clearly very gifted."

Haddie blushed and smiled, "thanks, we were just playing around."

"Nonsense, you sound like you've been practicing for months."

"Well, thank you, that means a lot." Silence soon settled over the group and before it became completely awkward the timer on the stove went off. "Food is ready, everyone just grab a seat anywhere at the table." Olivia rushed back into the kitchen to shut off the oven and grab the food out of it. Josh sat down next to Haddie with Alex on the other side of the table next to an empty chair that Charlotte was hesitant to take.

"Alexandra, forgive me, but should I be sitting somewhere in particular?"

"No, mother just take a seat, anywhere is fine."

"Well doesn't your, your um…" Charlotte dug into her purse that still hung from her arm and pulled out a book. Once she got her glasses on she found a dog eared page. "Doesn't your partner want to sit next to you?" Alex smiled and tried not to laugh; she stood up and took her mother by the elbow and made her sit down in the empty chair. "Olivia is my wife mother; we got married, legally, but thank you for trying. What book is that anyway?"

"Oh the nice young man at the bookstore helped me find it. He said it was slightly outdated but still was a good place to start." The book was Now That You Know and Alex was touched that her mother was being truthful about trying to understand Alex better. Olivia sat down and instructed everyone to dig in. They made small talk about the food and eventually started talking about work.

"Now Olivia, tell me are you still a detective with the SVU squad?"

"For the next few months yes, but when I'm off maternity leave I'm actually stepping in as the new Sergeant for the SVU team."

"That's fantastic Olivia, are you planning on staying at that level until you retire or is this the next step up the leadership ladder for you?"

"My captain does want me to take his place when he retires so eventually the squad will be under my command, but I have a lot to learn between then and now, but everything is looking promising."

"That is wonderful, I'm sure you will do beautifully. And you Alexandra, any interest in running for District Attorney or are you eyeing Liz's old job?"

"We haven't spoken about it much, but maybe once the boys are a little older I can start leaning toward those positions. Right now I have more than enough cases to keep me busy." Her mother smiled and turned to Olivia, "Alex can't stand to have free time, being busy has always made her happy."

"It makes it easier to handle three kids and all our other craziness." Charlotte laughed and turned to Haddie, "that brings me to you dear, now clearly you have amazing singing talent, any chance you enjoy that during the school year?"

"Yeah, actually I was the first freshmen they ever gave a leading role to in the musical this last year."

"Which show?"

"Wicked, we have the DVD of the performance if you'd like to see it."

"I'd like that very much. How about school in general, what year are you?"

"This year I will be a sophomore and I like school and aside from Math I love all my classes." Charlotte turned to Joshua and paused, she knew he still didn't like her but she had to try to make things right again. "And you Joshua, what are your plans for the remainder of high school, given any thought to college yet?" Joshua swallowed his food and looked up, "Yes ma'am. School is going well and I've just started my college searches, right now I'm still focusing on my test scores." Charlotte looked at the boy and saw his tight lipped smile. "You're still angry with me aren't you?"

"Can you blame me; you pushed my girlfriend and deliberately went against my request for you to leave. I have every right to be angry."

"Yes, yes you do and I realize that I have a lot of painful actions to make right. I know an apology isn't going to cut it, but I will start by saying I am sorry." She turned to Haddie, "I was completely out of line and should never had laid a hand on you in anything other than love. I didn't mean to scare you and if you'll let me I'd like to show you that I am not that woman."

"If my mom can find it in her heart to give you one more chance then so can I."

"You are a very kind young lady." She turned back to Josh, "I promise you, I won't hurt her again and I will work tirelessly to show you I can be trusted and that I love my daughter and her family." Josh put his fork down as he finished his food and he stood up. "I believe very deeply in the idea of redemption and second chances Mrs. Cabot, so I am willing to give you that chance you are so desperate for, but I will not be made a fool of so hear me when I say this: I love these women, this one in particular." He points to Haddie and the teenager blushes. "I don't want to see them hurt like that ever again. So if you are true to your word and you really just want to make right 30 years of wrong then I will be happy to bear witness to that transformation, but please don't make me regret it because I can't stand to see any of these fine women be that heartbroken ever again."

Charlotte was stunned silent, but when she found her voice it was soft and almost a whisper, "I will spend the remaining years of my life making up for the things I have done. I know that I can't undo them, but I can show you that I am honored to have a second chance with my family." Joshua nodded and cleared his plate from the table and walked outside to the balcony. Haddie stood up, "I'm going to go make sure he's ok. We'll be back in soon, ok." Haddie left the table and joined Josh outside. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against his back.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine." Haddie looked at him and shook her head, "no you're crying. Talk to me."

"I'm scared."

"Of what, my grandmother?"

"I'm scared to trust her only to have her hurt you and Alex again." Haddie turned him around so she could look at him. "I am not helpless and neither is my mother, you don't have to be the big bad protector all the time. Sometimes I need to fight my own battles and rebuild my own relationships and by doing that, yes, I run the risk of getting hurt and that is when my wonderful boyfriend can rush in and hug me and kiss all the bad stuff away." Josh relaxed and let Haddie lean against his chest. "You're right."

"I know." Josh laughed and looked down at Haddie. "I love you." He leaned down and kissed her and when he pulled away she snuggled into his chest and smiled, "I love you too." They stayed outside for a few minutes before returning to the living room where it appeared Charlotte was getting ready to leave.

"Mother are you sure you have to leave so soon?"

"I'm sorry Alexandra, but my dentist had a cancelation and need to have these teeth looked at. Maybe next week we can have dinner at the brownstone, I'll even try to cook something edible."

"Sounds great."

"And maybe next then I can properly meet my grandsons."

Olivia handed Charlotte her hat and smiled, "I think we can make that happen." When she turned around the elder Cabot walked over to Josh and stuck out her hand to him, "I like you, you don't mix words and you're honest and you aren't afraid of me. Think we can start fresh with that second chance you offered me." Josh paused and looked Charlotte in the eye before shaking her hand, "done deal Mrs. Cabot." She gave Haddie a hug and left the apartment promising to call Alex later that night; and just like that the first step towards healing had been taken.

**The next few chapters aren't all about Charlotte, but I had to start it somewhere. If you all want to see something in particular let me know in reviews and tell me what you all are thinking. People were saying that maybe Josh should scale it back and bit and let the ladies fight their own battles so I tried to write that in authentically. Review for more.**


	28. Hannah

**Sorry for the wait guys, I just moved to Chicago for grad school and school started today, but here is an update.**

It was getting to that point in the summer where Olivia had a hard time sleeping because even though they had central air her body knew it was already too hot outside. The boys slept in just diapers during their afternoon naps because everything else made them uncomfortable. On this particular morning Olivia was awake and Alex was in the shower trying to get ready for work. Liv had already fed the boys and was in the kitchen getting coffee ready for Alex and making some food for everyone. She was distracted from her cooking when she heard someone knocking on the door. She shut off the burner she was using and walked over to the door and saw through the peep hole that it was Josh. She opened the door, but her smile faded pretty quickly when she saw Josh's body language.

Usually the boy would have used his own key to get into the apartment, but he didn't this morning. He was wearing a hoodie, both hands shoved in the pockets and though he didn't seem to be upset at the moment, something was off about him. Olivia stepped aside and Josh silently walked past her but stayed standing in the dining room. Olivia didn't really know how to approach this situation, but before she could try the teen looked at her and asked in very quiet voice,

"Would it be ok if I held the boys for a little bit?" Olivia's face softened because she still had no idea where this was coming from, but at least he was talking. "You know you never have to ask to hold them. JD's been fussy lately so you might be better off with Xander for right now." She pointed to their bassinets in the living room and Josh walked over there without saying another word. He silently picked up the baby and held him to his chest gently and started walking around the living room with him softly humming as he walked. Alex finally emerged from the bedroom and was busy trying to send an email on her phone so when she looked up she was a little surprised to see Josh in the living room with the boys and Olivia watching with a concerned look on her face. She walked over to her wife and stood quietly next to her and simply waited for an explanation.

"Something's wrong with him Lexi."

"Did he say anything when we came in?"

"He just walked in and asked to hold the boys. Should we go wake her up?"

"Not yet, he would have asked for her if she was what he needed. I mean we like holding the boys when we've had a hard day or something is bothering us, maybe he just needs a minute." No sooner had Alex finished saying that, they saw Josh sit down on the couch and cradle Xander in front of him so that he was practically nose to nose with the baby. Normally, the babies liked this because they could actually see who was holding them and it was pretty cute to watch, but this time it was heartbreaking because as he did it Xander reached up and playfully swatted at Josh's chin and without warning the teenager's shoulders shook as he tried with no success to hold back tears. Alex winced, but kept still, she still had no idea what the hell was going on.

"Do we intervene?" Olivia nodded and walked past her wife and slowly took a seat next to the now completely crying teenager. She wasn't afraid that he would drop Xander because, well he just wouldn't, but she was very concerned as to why he was so upset. She placed her hand on his knee and still he kept his eyes glued on the baby in his arms.

"Josh. Do you want me to take him?" Josh finally looked up at Olivia and tried to force a smile, but he just couldn't. He kissed Xander on the forehead and handed him to Liv who quickly passed him to Alex. Olivia turned back to Josh who seemed to have snapped back into whatever state of mind he had been in before.

"Joshua, can you look at me please?" Josh shook his head and Olivia figured his pride was getting the better of him; no teenage boy wants his girlfriend's parents to see him crying.

"Are you hurt?" He shook his head no.

"Honey, you're gonna have to tell me what's wrong because right now you're scarring me." He let his head fall into his hands and when he lifted his head up he brushed the tears away, but still kept looking at the floor. "She would have been 13 years old today."

"Who would have been?" Olivia was still very lost in this conversation.

"I still remember when she was born. People think that a three year old wouldn't remember something like that, but I do. I remember my Aunt picking me up so I could see her through the window in the nursery and I remember getting to hold her when they brought her home. My dad told me that I had to be gentle cuz she couldn't protect herself yet. I told him….I promised him that I'd keep her safe. I promised him I'd keep her safe and I just let her die. I just let her die." This time when he continued crying it wasn't quiet or restrained, he was sobbing and without hesitation Olivia held the boy close to her and let him cry while shooting a desperate look at her wife. She nodded toward Haddie's bedroom and Alex quickly went to grab her daughter. She knocked and then opened the door to see Haddie still half asleep.

"Haddie, you need to wake up now honey."

"It's summer time, I shouldn't have to wake up this early."

"Haddie this isn't me being funny, Joshua is in the living room…" Haddie cut her mom off, "tell him to give a few more minutes."

"Haddasah, your boyfriend is in the living room sobbing uncontrollably and is holding onto your mother for dear life, get up and get out here now." Alex's tone made her sit up and when she thought about what her mother had said she looked at her cell phone before stumbling out of bed swearing.

"Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch." Haddie fixed her hair and rushed past her mother and only slowed down when she made it into the living room. She was a little shocked because Josh was always the composed one and to see him like that stopped her dead in her steps. She knelt down in front of Josh and rubbed his leg until he finally turned away from crying into Olivia's shoulder and made eye contact with Haddie. She didn't say anything for a minute and eventually he managed to take a deep breath and in a very broken voice he managed to repeat, "She would have been 13 today."

"I know she would have babe, I'm so sorry." Haddie sat down on the other side of Josh and wrapped her hand around his. "I was supposed to protect her, that's what big brothers do right, protect the younger siblings. I just let her go and I did nothing."

"Baby, this was not your fault ok, she was sick. Doctors couldn't have seen it with all the technology that they have so how could an 8 year old have seen it."

"It doesn't matter, I let her down and that morning I woke up and she didn't. You tell me how is that fair?" He was getting angry and it showed in his tone of voice and in the fact that he stood up from the couch so that he towered over Haddie sitting on the couch. Haddie stood up and held up her hands in a defensive stance trying to calm him down. "Honey, none of what happened is fair, but it was also not your fault. She knows that you loved her and you know that she loved you. You did nothing wrong."

"You don't get it, no one fucking gets it." He stormed over to the door and Haddie ran after him and slammed the door shut from behind him before he could leave. While watching this Liv and Alex had an extreme sense of déjà vu of when Alex did the same thing in this apartment when Olivia refused to face her demons. They both watched from a distance because it was very clear this was not their fight to have.

"You do not get to run away from me in my own house. You don't get to come up in here and start screaming and swearing in front of my brothers or my parents. I know you are hurting and I wish more than anything that I could take the hurt from you, but I can't and unless you let me in I can't help you at all. I know you loved her, I know you miss her and I know you think that there was something you could have done, but honey I promise you there was absolutely nothing you could have done to save her. I know you still think you need to protect her, but baby you need to let someone else watch over her now."

"Who, whose going to protect her now? She needs me. She needed me." Josh was still mad but those sad tears had made their way back. Haddie took a deep breath and in a shaky voice answered, "Josh, you will always be her big brother, and she will always be in your heart, she will always love you, but honey she doesn't need you to protect her anymore ok? She's got God looking out for her and he's not going to let anything happen to her." The boy looked like he had just gotten slapped with a sack of flour and this resulted in him sliding down the door and continuing to cry when he hit the floor. Haddie sat down next to him and let him hold into her while he cried. She didn't say anything else and she knew that he needed to finish crying because it seemed as though he kept it pent up for the last 8 years. Olivia took this as any opportunity to duck outside on the balcony with Alex and call Nina. The phone rang twice before someone picked up.

"Kerns' residence." Olivia could tell it was Joshua's dad that picked up instead of his mother.

"Will, it's Olivia."

"I thought I recognized the caller ID, how are you and the Mrs. doing with the new rugrats?"

"The boys are doing well and everyone is just a little sleep deprived, but they are happy and healthy babies so we can't complain."

"Fabulous. Well, I'm sure you had a reason for calling, what can I do you for you ladies this morning?"

"Well, I, well we, just thought we should let you know that Josh turned up here this morning." The line was pretty quiet. "Will?"

"We figured he must have headed over to you. Olivia I'm sorry, he usually takes off first thing in the morning and he goes and sits in the cemetery then he comes home. I'll come pick him up."

"No Will, he is absolutely distraught right now and Haddie just got through to him and no teenage boy wants his dad to see him sobbing in his girlfriend's arms."

"Wait, wait. He's actually crying?"

"He's sobbing, why is that odd?"

"Olivia, every year on the day Hannah died and on her birthday he and Nina both mentally check out and I can't say I blame them, but in the 8 years since Hannah died he has never once cried over it. At least not that I have seen. He never let himself really go through the stages of grief he just kept pushing it away because it hurt too much. If he's crying now, it's a small miracle."

"Will, I had no idea this was haunting him so much."

"Neither did I. Guess we'll have to take him back to see the therapist Nina sees. Olivia again, I am so sorry if this disrupted your morning."

"No, no, Will please don't apologize, he is always welcome here no matter if he is happy or sad. Besides maybe him being here will let you and Nina deal with this just the two of you and the younger boys."

"Thank you Olivia, please call us if you want us to come get him otherwise just tell him to come home when he's ready."

"I let him know when he calms down. Call if you need anything Will."

"We will, thanks again Olivia." Olivia hung up the phone and shook her head before turning around to Alex. "They are such good people, how could something this bad happen to people who are so loving and sweet?"

"I don't know. We should go back inside and make sure they are ok." They walked back inside and the boys were asleep and Haddie was still leaning against the door with Josh resting his head in her lap. He had clearly calmed down and was now just emotionally spent. Olivia didn't mean to eavesdrop but she heard the last little bit of their conversation.

"I like the name Hannah."

"We don't have to use that name."

"No, I'm serious Josh. When we have kids, if we have a girl we'll name her Hannah ok?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**So that made me cry writing it, but that idea came to me and I wanted to flush it out. Review for more and thanks for waiting for me to update.**


	29. Family Tradition

**Sorry for the wait guys, had so school stuff and a bit of writer' block. Anyway, some more of Charlotte in this episode and she is rebuilding things with Alex, Liv and Haddie so hopefully you all like it.**

Alex was awake early that morning, trying to get some work done before the boys woke up and would need her attention. She was still on maternity leave as was Olivia, but Alex was set to go back to work in three weeks and she needed to stay on top of the paperwork from her past cases so that she was ready for the new ones. As she finished one file and moved fast to the next one she heard the door locks be fumbled with. She had gotten used to that sound because it usually meant that Josh was using his key to get inside the apartment. Sure enough a few seconds later Josh opened the door and quietly shut it behind him.

"Good morning Joshua." Alex said without looking up from her work.

"Morning Alex, back to work already I see."

"My work is never done it seems. What has you here so early this morning?"

"Haddie wanted to go check out the new farmers market and I told her I'd tag along, see if I can't pick up some things for the house and help my mom out."

"Well, I think I heard her moving around so she should be awake soon, you can help yourself to whatever is in the fridge."

"No thanks, I ate before I left home, dad's on this cooking kick lately, we thinks it's his midlife crises."

"Well, there are worse things he could be doing than cooking."

"Yes ma'am." Their polite conversation was cut short when one of the boys started to cry which then got the other baby to start crying as well. Alex closed the file in front of her and retreated into the bedroom. She could hear the shower running and knew that Liv must be trying to grab a quick shower before feeding the boys. Alex walked back into the living room with both babies in hand and Josh offered to take one of them so Alex handed JD to him. Both boys were hungry so nothing was going to get them to stop other than being fed, but they both calmed down now that people were holding them. Olivia got out of the shower and told Alex she'd be out in a few minutes. Josh was talking to JD in a high pitched voice which was fine because babies respond to that more and the boys loved it when anyone talked to them.

When JD would fuss Josh would just go with it, "I know little man I know, life has got to be hard for you. I mean your every need is tended too by your moms or your big sister or me, you eat and sleep all day long. But I get it, life is still super rough for you, I feel you little bro." Olivia finally walked out of bedroom and Josh gladly handed the fussy baby to his mother which of course quieted him quickly because he knew food was coming. Olivia fed both boys and handed JD back to Josh and Xander back to Alex so that they could burp them. Alex followed Olivia into the bedroom to change Xander while Olivia finished getting dressed. Just as Josh was about to sit down on the couch he heard someone knocking on the door.

"Josh, can you get that please?"

"Sure thing Alex." Josh switched arms so that he was carrying JD on his left as he neared the front door. He looked through the peep hole and then opened the door a little surprised to see Alex's mother.

"Good morning Mrs. Cabot."

"Good morning Joshua, has my daughter adopted you as well or do you just spend a lot of time here?"

"I like to be around my girlfriend and her family, besides during the summer my house gets quiet with mom and dad working and my siblings at their camps. Can I help you with something?"

"Would you ask Alex if it would be alright for me to come in, I had some business to handle uptown and I thought I'd swing by and say hello, maybe see Haddie and the boys." Josh shifted the weight of the baby in his arms, suddenly uncomfortable that Charlotte was there again. "Let me just ask Alex." Josh leaned back and yelled for Alex who quickly came out of the bedroom.

"What's wrong?"

"Your mom's at the door." Josh walked back into the living room with JD still in his arms. Alex rounded the corner and was thankful that her mother knew to wait outside until Alex said it was alright for her to come in.

"Mother, what are you doing here?"

"I had some business to handle in the area and I thought I might stop in a say hello, did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, not at all, come in." Alex stepped aside and let her mother enter her home. Alex led her mother into the living room where she sat down next to Josh and her mother sat in the arm chair facing them. Josh stood up and excused himself, "I'll go let Haddie know you're here." The teenager disappeared and Charlotte looked back to Alex.

"He still doesn't like me very much does he?"

"He's trying mother, but you really scared him last time you came knocking, he just doesn't want to see any of us hurt anymore, least of all Haddie."

"I have a lot of things to make up for, I know that."

"Mother, I'm not trying to be critical, I'm just being honest with you, he and Olivia have similar ways of life. They love people intensely and can't stand to see those people and things hurt. He is trying because Haddie wants to have a grandmother and he'd give her the moon if she asked for it, just give him time."

"He seems to love the boys a lot too."

"He does, very much so, they love him too. Sometimes he's the one that can calm them down when they really get going with the crying." Before the two women ran out of things to discuss Josh walked into the living room with Haddie behind him.

"Hi grandma."

"Hello sweetheart, are you two heading out somewhere?"

"Yeah, Josh said he'd tag along with me to the street fair, see if we can't at least get some good food and some cheap jewelry. Will you be here when we get back?" Haddie looked to her grandmother and then to Alex.

Alex responded, "she'll be here, now Joshua has been keeping my son from me all morning, so hand me the baby and you two have fun." Josh smiled and handed JD to Alex before he picked up his wallet. "We'll be back in a while, have a nice visit ladies." Both teenagers left the apartment and as the door closed behind them Olivia emerged from the bedroom holding Xander and looking slightly surprised to see her mother in law.

"I didn't know we had company or I would have put on something more presentable on."

"Nonsense Olivia, it's a terrible heat wave out there, you'd be miserable in anything other than a tank top, besides I dropped in unannounced so I really should be the one apologizing." Once again an awkward silence fell over the room and was only interrupted when Xander starting fussing. Olivia rocked him gently which seemed to quiet him down and when she looked up Charlotte was starring at the baby in her arms.

"Charlotte would you like to hold him?" Charlotte was surprised by the offer but recovered quickly. "I would love to, if that's alright with you." Olivia stood up and placed her son into her mother-in-law's arms. Olivia sat back down next to Alex and offered her hand to her wife. Alex gladly grabbed hold and focused on her mother holding her son. She was happy her mother was trying to become a part of their lives, but Alex had a lot of built up pain that was making her slightly uneasy watching her mother that close to any of her children. Olivia gave Alex's hand a quick squeeze as if to assuring her that nothing bad was going to happen. Alex took a deep breath and tried to relax a little bit.

Charlotte was cooing at Xander and smiling at him which of course he responded to positively. She looked up at her daughter, "he has your father's eyes, which I suppose is a silly thing to say since I know Olivia gave birth to them, but those are the Cabot eyes, not question." Alex smiled, "well I guess it's a good thing we named him after daddy." Her mother seemed to be stunned by Alex's words.

"You named him after your father?"

"Well, Kim didn't follow Cabot family tradition and name any of her child Alex and we thought daddy would be proud to share his name with his grandson. His full name is Elliot Alexander, but everyone calls him Xander." Charlotte turned back to the baby and started talking to him like Olivia and Alex weren't in the room.

"You look like your grandfather, yes you do. He was quite the heartbreaker before he married me, all the girls would fall at his feet if he flashed that smile of his and those damn eyes. Your mommy has those same eyes, which I suppose is one of the things that brought your mommies together. Your grandfather was a terrible flirt, just awful, so you be careful, don't go around breaking all the girls hearts or boys hearts just because you don't know when to stop talking." Xander flashed a smile and giggled. "Oh you think that's funny now do you? You are going to be just like your mommy, a big trouble maker who can talk your way out of anything. You just promise me something; your mommies gave you a pretty big name to live up too, but you just be a good person and don't make the same dumb mistakes I have and you'll make you grandfather very proud."

Alex was stunned and a little overcome with emotion hearing her mother talk to her son with such gentleness and profound depth. She suddenly remembered how very much she missed her father and how badly she wished he was still alive to see her building a family for herself. Without saying anything she stood up and retreated into the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind her.

"Did I say something to upset her Olivia?"

"I think Lexi just misses her dad, some days are harder than others."

"He was the most amazing man, hell he was married to me for 30 years. Someone should have voted him for sainthood. He always had a very tight relationship with Alexandra, which probably had had something to do with the fact that she and I were always fighting. I was pretty successful at alienating my entire family and then when he died, no one had any interest in mending those broken ties. We all just hurt too much, Alex especially."

"Mrs. Cabot, I never had the pleasure of meeting your husband and I will regret that all my life, but I have heard so many stories about him form Kimberly and from Alex that I'd like to think I know enough about him to love him. I can't imagine losing a spouse, Alex is my whole world, her and the kids and I have felt the pang in my heart of death when I thought I had lost her. I was very lucky, I got one more chance and I didn't waste it. I can't bring your husband back or make it hurt any less, but you and Alex have a second chance to have some kind of a relationship and I would like very much for my children to know who their grandfather was and you are the best person to hear that from. Now I would give Alex a few minutes to herself and then I think you should be the one to go comfort her. You want a second chance at mothering her, here it is."

"What if I make it worse?"

"Right now she has no parents, if you go in there and hug her and tell her that you love her as she is then you can give her back one of those parents and that will not hurt anyone Charlotte." Charlotte stood up and handed Xander back to Olivia and she made her way into the master bedroom. Alex heard the door open, but didn't bother to look up, assuming it was her wife. She was more than a little surprised when her mother sat down next to her on the edge of her bed. Neither one of them said anything, but Alex leaned her head against her mother's shoulder and continued to cry and for the first time since she was a child, Charlotte hugged Alex while she cried. Olivia watched form the door and even though it hurt her to see Alex sad, she smiled because even though no words were being spoken, this was the most meaningful interaction Alex had had with her mother in 20 years.

**A bit shorter than I had intended, but school is extra special crazy this week, lots of grad school paper writing for me. Hopefully you all liked this and are ok with me bringing Charlotte into the mix a little bit, she'll be around, but will not over power the story I assure you.**


	30. Some Thing Never Makes Sense

**So I was going to do a little jump in time anyway and after what happened earlier in December I also needed an outlet to work through my feelings about the shooting in CT. My mother is the principal of a grammar school and they just put in a new security system and it just destroyed me to think of those poor people and all they went through and I needed this to help me process everything. Anyway I am putting this chapter in December and I'll lead into it so it doesn't just start on the 14****th****. If you don't want to read this chapter I totally get it so I'm going to make it so that you can read this chapter if you wish but if you don't you won't miss anything critical.**

The holiday season was always a crazy one when it came to Alex's family and Olivia was certain that between the months of October and January there was never a dull moment. They spent Thanksgiving in their home and Kim joined them with her family, but neither mother was willing to risk the boys' health by bringing them out into the harsh New York winter. Christmas was a different story altogether. Olivia had finished out her maternity leave and along with Alex, returned to working full time while the boys stayed with a "nanny". Alex always laughed when someone would say the word nanny because in reality Joshua's father had offered to care for the babies while everyone was gone for the day. He worked out of the house anyway and the babies already knew him and were comfortable with him. Both Alex and Liv were excited at not having to hire a college kid to help them and having Josh's father help was a blessing for everyone involved. All that to say, with the boys taken care of during the day Olivia was able to begin her work as the SVU's new Sargent. With Christmas just around the corner Olivia was overwhelmed at work, but she looked forward to the two weeks off that she had coming. Haddie got off of school on the 13th and that afternoon the whole family was set to join the rest of the family in the Hamptons.

Until that day came, busy doesn't begin to describe the life of the Benson-Cabot clan. Alex had two pending cases breathing down her neck and likewise Liv was juggling two active perps and a mountain of paperwork. Haddie was just trying to get through finals with her GPA still intact and Josh was facing the same task. December 10th came and went and thankfully Olivia could scratch off one of the names on her to do list because they had caught one of the men they were after and the paper work was getting done little by little. Alex had closed one case and was waiting for the jury to come back while she prepared to give closing statements on her other case. Both teens had three finals left and were counting down the hours until they were done for a few precious weeks of winter break.

On the morning of the 13th Olivia was pulled out of her warm bed and called into work, but it wasn't for nothing: the other outstanding perp that they had be chasing had finally been tracked down and was sitting in a holding cell in the 1-6. While Olivia dealt with her work responsibilities, Alex got them ready to leave that afternoon. She packed the last of their bags and spent the day finishing the laundry full of baby stuff. Around 1pm she heard the door open and emerged from her bedroom just in time to see Haddie collapse onto the couch in defeat and Josh mimicking her actions in the recliner.

"And how are my junior geniuses?"

"I hate finals and whoever invented them." Haddie said even though her face was buried in the leather couch so her voice was muffled.

"Ditto." Josh raised his hand only to let it fall to his side. "We're just glad that it's over for the semester. Now we have three weeks of break and get to actually enjoy the Christmas season."

"Speaking of which you two should go finish getting ready, once your mom gets home from work we are going to bounce."

"Thanks again for inviting me to spend a week with your family Alex."

"Well I figured you might enjoy spending some time up with us and then you get to spend the actual holiday with your family at home. But fair warning, their isn't anything quite like a Cabot family holiday, just ask Liv about her first few."

"Ask me about my first few what?" At that moment Olivia walked through the front door and shed her winter coat and gloves at the door before kissing Alex on the check.

"Just prepping Josh for meeting the clan."

"They are the greatest people Josh, they just happen to be the loudest at the same time."

"I look forward to it." Josh left the room to grab his bag from Haddie's room and when the two returned they were bundled p in their winter clothes and appeared to be ready to go. Alex and Liv finished getting the boys dressed up in warm clothes and once that was finished they were able to begin loading up the car. Once their bags were in Olivia managed to fit the presents in the back of the car with some help from Alex who was admitted better at special reasoning. The traffic wasn't anything they weren't used to and the boys slept through most of the ride, falling asleep once the car was moving constantly.

When they arrived at the house two hours later, it was clear that they weren't the first people there. Alex examined the cars in the driveway and knew that her Aunts and Uncles were there already. Olivia hopped out of the car and with Haddie's help got the boys out of the car first and started walking toward the front door. With JD's car seat in one hand, Olivia opened the front door with her other hand and rushed herself and Haddie in the front door in an effort to get themselves and the babies out of the harsh winter weather.

"Anyone home?" Olivia shouted as she set the car seat down inside the living room and within a few seconds she heard footsteps from up stairs and soon Carol was standing in the living room.

"That goodness you guys got on the road wen you did, we were afraid the weather would have slowed you down." She gave Olivia and Haddie both a hug before focusing on the still sleeping babies. "They are getting bigger every time I see them."

"They seem to grow every time I walk out the door to go to work so I know what you mean. Feel free to get them out of their seats; I gotta go help Alex and Josh unload the car. Olivia put her gloves back on and opened the door to go back outside leaving Haddie and Carol to handle the boys. As Haddie started to free her brothers from the buckles of the car seats Carol struck up a conversation with her.

"So you brought the boy with you this Christmas, he must really be something."

"He is, his parents aren't going back to California until a few days before Christmas so he had some time to spend with us."

"Your mom told me what happened with Charlotte, you ok?"

"Grandma means well, at least I'm pretty sure she does, she's just ignorant on some subjects. Everyone gets a second chance right?"

"You seem pretty quick to forgive her."

"You sound like mom. The way I see it, until recently I lived my entire life around people who had no good in them, they were just straight up evil. I know that there are people in this world that can't change into better people, hell I was raised by two of them. Grandma however, could just benefit from some education and an attitude change. Besides I only have one thing to forgive her for, I'm not the one who suffered under her for 30 years."

"Well your mom is a pretty remarkable lady." At that moment Alex walked in with an arm full of present and Josh trialing behind her with the same. "Yes I am, what did I do this time."

"Nothing dear, just me trying to dig of gossip out of your daughter." Carol gave Alex a kiss and a hug after she put the gifts down around the tree that was still being set up. Carol turned around to see Josh who was outing his armful of gifts on the ground as well. "And you must be the young man that my great niece talks so much about." Josh quickly pulled off the knit cap that had been covering his head and removed his right glove, quickly offering Carol his right hand.

"I guess that would be me, Joshua Kerns, very nice to meet you ma'am."

"Aren't you a sweetheart and you can drop the ma'am stuff, makes me sound old. Call me Carol and as soon as my husband and the rest of the crew are done making the beds upstairs you can meet the rest of the oldies."

"I would never call a lady old, but I can easily call you Carol. Now if you will excuse me I need to grab the last of the bags out of the car." Josh put his hat back on and walked out the front door to help Olivia with the suitcases. Carol turned to Alex and Haddie, "I like him."

"What a coincidence I like him too." Haddie laughed at her aunt and turned her attention back to her brother who was now awake and wanting to move around. Finally Josh and Olivia retuned with everyone's bags in hand and dropped them in the living for the time being. Finally the rest of the aunts and uncles came down stairs and greeted the family and Josh stood off to the side waiting for a moment introduce himself. Finally Bill turned toward the teenager and Reached out to shake the boys hand.

"You must be Joshua. I've heard you name mentioned more this week than anyone else in this family and it is nice to finally put a name with the face. I see you already met my wife, I'm Alex's uncle Bill, and these two over here are Peter and Diana." Josh shook hands and introduced himself to everyone and once everyone was familiar with one another Bill showed everyone where they could put their bags. This year Alex and Liv settled into one of the rooms down stairs so that they could set the babies up in a sort of make shift nursery. Haddie would share the pool house with Sam once she arrived and they had set up the second downstairs bedroom for Josh to share with Sam's girlfriend who would be joining them as well. When Alex and Liv had finished setting up their room they returned to the living room to see the boys being played with and held by the older members of their family.

Everyone relaxed for a while in the living room and eventually they started to hear the opening and closing of doors outside signaling that more family members were arriving. Alex handed Xander to Josh and the teenager followed her into Alex and Liv's bedroom so that the boys wouldn't get overwhelmed too fast with the amount of people and loud noises. Once they returned they saw that Kim and her family had arrived along with Emily, Tom, Sam and Sam's current girlfriend. It was a frenzy of hugs and kisses and commenting on how big everyone's children had become since the last time they were all together. Almost everyone had arrived with the exception of Michael, Allison and the ir girls. People figured out rooms and dragged their bags up the stairs before unloading presents and settling into spots in the living room. Kim, Alex and JR helped in the kitchen with getting dinner ordered because no one felt like cooking for that amount of people after spending the whole day traveling. The figured pizza would be easy enough and would please the kids and the adults.

After they ordered the food Alex and Olivia had settled into sitting in the kitchen talking to JR and Emily who had come in to help set up for when the food came. Soon after they began talking Josh came in holding a fussy JD.

"I tried changing him, but I think he is hungry. Is there a bottle I can give him?" Liv reached into the diaper bag and tossed the bottle to Josh who offered it to the baby in his arms who immediately stopped fussing. Josh looked around and saw faces he did not recognize so he shifted the baby in his arms so that his right hand was free and extended to JR.

"I'm Josh, Haddie boyfriend." JR smiled and shook the boy's hand. "I'm JR and the lovely lady at the table is my sister Emily, I'm pretty sure you have met our children who are running around here filled with the joy of Christmas and the sugar high it brings with it." Emily stood up and gave Josh a hug, careful not to hit the baby in his arms. "It's nice to finally met the boy that has been talked about so much this last year."

"Hopefully I live up to the hype. I'm going to go pass my partner in crime here off to one of your cousins who have been itching to hold him since they woke up. Nice to have met you both." Josh walked out of the room holding the baby and JR turned back to Alex, "I like him."

"You and everyone else in this family. He just kind of fell into our laps and it turns out that he fits in this family pretty well."

"Kind of like your wife." Alex smiled and thought about it before responding, "yeah, kind of like my wife." Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss before she sat back down. Liv talked about being back at work and Alex talked about how the boys were doing now that they were about 6 months old. Michael and his family showed up about the same time that the food did so once again the large family was thrown into a frenzied state of saying hello while trying to eat. Everyone ate sitting wherever there was a free space to do so and the laid back atmosphere allowed everyone to take in that they could finally enjoy their vacation even though many of the adults would be working remotely so that they got their work done while still enjoying time with their families.

After dinner they put on Christmas music and went about decorating the tree: the taller adults focusing on getting the lights on the tree before letting everyone work on the ornaments. The adults laughed watching the smaller kids putting the ornaments on the branches that they could reach with their limited height. Eventually the kids became tired and the sugar rush they had been running on ran out and they were all falling asleep in the living room. One by one their parents tucked them in bed and returned to the living to enjoy the tree and to fix the ornaments so that they were a little bit more even on the tree. The teenagers were outside in the pool house watching movies before they went to bed, leaving the adults inside to talk amongst themselves. Somehow they started talking to Liv and Alex about their recent contact with Alex's mom. Kim was still on the fence about her mother having anything to do with her baby sister's family and once Alex told everyone what had happened they understood why.

"I mean I had other reasons not to talk to mom, but that just gave me one more. I think its great that she is trying and is learning, but lets be real, you wouldn't have given her a second thought if was just you and Liv. You gave her a second chance for the kids sake."

"That's not the only reason. I mean yes, I want my sons and my daughter to have a grandmother, but I also didn't want to spend my whole life being mad at her, cuz I don't want to stand at her grave one day full of regret." Olivia offered Alex a sad smile and Alex felt bad for how she phrased that. "Liv I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry."

"No, its ok and you are right, if our kids can have a relationship with their only surviving grandparent then we should try to make that happen if we can." The conversations went on for a while until Josh and Sam's girlfriend Grace came in from the pool house mentioning that they were heading to bed. Little by little all the adults filed out of the room saying goodnight and heading off to bed. Liv and Alex locked up and the house, checked on the boys and eventually settled into bed themselves, completely unaware that the next day would bring with it a huge shock for all of them.

When Alex woke up it was still dark outside but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get back to sleep. She rolled over and saw that it was 6:00 and she just assumed that her body was used to waking up early for work. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep so she climbed out of bed and threw on her robe. The boys would probably wake up soon wanting to be fed so she picked them up and took hem with her in an effort to let Liv sleep more. She set them up in their baby swings while she grabbed bottles for them and that was what she was in the middle of when Kim came walking into the living room.

"The boys wake you up early?"

"No, my body still thinks its time to go to work so I figured I would feed them before Liv woke up and had too, although this is the last bottle of milk that she's pumped so she is going to be needed eventually." Alex smiled at her sister, "well while you finish feeding them I'm going to start coffee." As the boys finished their bottles Alex picked them each up and followed her sister into the kitchen. Kim took JD out of Alex's arms and helped burp them and even though both of them were now fed and burped they still decided to start crying. Olivia was the first one to come into the kitchen.

"I thought I heard someone being fussy. Were you being fussy for mommy?" Olivia took Xander out of Alex's arms and kissed his nose.

"I was trying to get them fed and all that before they woke you up."

"I woke up the second you got out of bed, but thank you for trying. Besides once they started crying I figured you could use the help getting stuff set up for breakfast anyway." They started throwing together a quick breakfast which was hard considering that they still needed to go grocery shopping. While the three of them worked it out the rest of the house slowly woke up: adults took turns showering and the kids almost immediately wanted to go outside and play even though it was freezing cold. When breakfast was ready the smell of cooked food brought people trickling in and out of the kitchen. Once the adults had the kids all fed they agreed that they could play downstairs in what had become a sort of playroom. With their children fed and entertained for a little bit the adults enjoyed having a laid back breakfast, that was until Josh came in holding Olivia's cell phone in hand.

"Sorry Detective Benson, I normally wouldn't have answered it, but Detective Stabler has been calling for the last 20 minutes and I thought it might be important." Liv exchanged a worried look with Alex before taking the phone from Josh.

"What's up El?" Olivia listened for a moment and her facial expression changed to something that Alex couldn't read. Olivia stood up from her seat and left the room before Alex could hear her talking to Elliot in a hushed whisper. Astrid seemed to pick up on the same vibe Alex had picked up on: something was wrong, very wrong, but neither of them knew what. Five minutes later Olivia was practically running back into the kitchen only this time she wasn't wearing her plaid sleep pants and long sleep NYPD shirt, she was wearing the work clothes that she was worn yesterday and if that wasn't enough to alarm Alex she had her badge and gun securely in place at her waist. She still had the phone to her ear and she filled two travel mugs up with coffee and only at that moment did she hang up. She looked up and saw everyone looking at her and before she said anything she grabbed Alex by the wrist and pulled her out of the room and started to talk to her as she threw on her coat and boots.

"It's bad Alex."

"What happened, where are you going?"

"Connecticut."

"What? Why there, tell me what happened?" Olivia finished putting her winter gear on and turned to look her wife in the eye and the tears that she had been holding back were slowly starting to fall.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, El is almost here and then we are heading in to help. They requested help form New York and all surrounding areas and that is what they are going to get. I have no clue how long we are going to be gone, but I will call you when I can ok." As she heard Elliot honk from outside Josh came out from the kitchen holding the coffee Olivia had just poured. She looked between him and Alex, "keep the kids inside and away from the TV and if they are watching TV keep it off any channel that has news coverage." Josh nodded and walked away leaving the two women to finish talking.

"Liv what happened? You're scaring me." Liv leaned close to her and whispered that she loved her and kissed her before she walked out the front door and into the cold. Alex saw her get into the car with Elliot who looked equally as emotional. Alex walked back into the kitchen completely shocked by how the morning had turned around into something so scary.

"Alex, where did she go, what's going on?" Tom asked the question that they all had, but before Alex could say that she didn't know Haddie cried out from the living room in a voice that made Alex's heart stop. It was a terrifying mix of fear and sadness and it was like when Lily would call out after having a bad dream. She ran into the living room to see Haddie standing behind the couch, her eyes focused on the TV above the fireplace. When Alex got closer Haddie chocked back tears and called out for her mother again even though Alex was standing right next to her.

"Haddie I'm right here, what…" Alex was cut off when her daughter pointed her finger to the TV and finally Alex could see that news headline. The reason Elliot had been calling Liv since 6:30, the reason she went rushing out of the house armed for work, the reason she couldn't say what had happened and the reason she was standing in the living room trying to calm her daughter who seemed to be on the verge of hysterics. Alex prayed hard that what she was reading was incorrect information, but no matter how many times she blinked the headline remained the same: "CT Elementary School Shooting: Victims Mostly Children."

"Oh God." Was the only thing Alex could manage before Haddie lost control of her tears and turned into her mother's embrace for comfort. Alex was certain she had never hugged any child so tightly before in her life, but in that moment she needed physical confirmation that her children were safe. The two women stood there crying and soon the rest of the family was standing in the living room in a stunned silence. No one said anything and they only time anyone moved was when the boys woke up from their nap crying. Alex cried harder just by hearing her sons' cries. She looked up to see Josh standing near by and with a quick nod of her head he took off the down the hall to tend to the babies. Before anyone could find the right words to say anything Lily came up the stairs chattering about how they were bored. Sam and Grace quickly stopped the child before she made it into the living room and they ushered her back downstairs forcing smiles and promising the five year old that they would go watch a video with them downstairs.

The adults sat down in the living room, well some of them sat, the rest paced back and forth their eyes glued to the TV screen. Alex finally took the remote and hesitantly pushed the volume to the unmute the TV. The report coming in was scattered and didn't offer much in the ways of answers mostly because first responders were still dealing with the scene that they had come upon. Alex tried to think about what to do next, if there was anything she could do: Liv was already on her way to help and the only thing any of them could do is hold their children a little tighter. Alex turned off the TV and the room sat in a stunned silence. Eventually a few of them got up to leave the room, some went downstairs to check on their children while others just needed to walk away from what they had just see on the news, but all of them were crying or had tears in their eyes. Haddie had a vice grip around Alex's waist and it was clear that this whole ordeal was going to take its toll on the teenager: Haddie had grown up in a world full of violence and while this situation was drastically different, it was still violence that resulted in suffering children and that was enough to upset the sensitive teenager. Alex didn't try to move, she didn't need to: Josh was keeping an eye on the boys and the rest of the kids were being checked on by their parents and were being kept entertained by Grace and Sam. Alex felt her phone buzz in her pocket about half an hour later and when she dug it out she was slightly relieved to see that it was Liv.

'We just got here'

'Are you ok?'

'No, but there are people who need our help and so for now I have to be strong.' Before Alex could respond Liv texted her again. 'I'm not sure when I am going to be free to text you again, but I'll do my best. Tell the kids I love them.'

'I will.'

'I love you Lexi.'

'I love you too Liv, just be careful.' That was going to be the last text Alex got from Olivia for the next several hours. The hours was quiet, but every now and then soft crying could be heard and Alex could no longer tell if it was her sons or if it was an adult who just couldn't keep it together anymore. Alex looked at Haddie who seemed to have cried hard enough to have fallen asleep. Alex laid her down on the couch and went to go check on how Josh was doing with the boys. When she walked into the bedroom Josh was sitting on top of the bed with his back leaning against the headboard. He had one of the boys in each arm and had his computer open in front of them. Alex looked at the screen to see an Internet video playing of football highlights.

"Ok, so right here he dropped too far back into the pocket and his offensive line completely missed a block and boom, broken leg, end of career. See right there is why you always have to protect your QB's blind side, ok and one of you needs to learn how to read the opposing line for a blitz cuz those are bad news for everyone." JD started fussing a little and Josh bounced his left arm slightly, "I know buddy, but when you get older we'll cover all that and you'll be able to see those line ups coming a mile away." Alex smiled as she watched the teenager talk to the boys about football. It was clear that he was trying to distract himself from what had unfolded that morning and this way the boys were being looked after and he had something to focus on other than the tragedy on the news. Josh finally looked up to see Alex leaning against the doorframe.

"We've decided the JD is going to be a wide receiver and Xander is probably going to be the QB."

"Sounds like a very productive morning." Alex kicked the ground in front of her like she didn't know what else to say. Josh took the guess work out of it for her, "do I want to know what has been said on the news?"

Alex shock her head, "No." Josh nodded his head and turned back to the screen, "ok now see right there, if you want to screw up their man on man coverage you have to have pin point accuracy because then even if they have two men on JD you can fire it right into his hands. Then J man you catch it, break right for the fake and hook around the block. That will pick up a least a few more yards and could turn into something bigger like touchdowns." Alex smiled and turned to walk out of the room: she could at least rest assured knowing that the boys and Josh were doing ok for the time being. She returned to the living room to see her cousins and her uncles putting on their coats. Tom, David Michael, Gina, Bill and Peter were all throwing on their winter gear. Gina looked up at Alex, "we are going to take two cars to the store for food, we'll be back in a few hours." Alex nodded and she was glad that they were getting out of the house for a few hours because the later in the day it became the worse the news would become and it was better to just take a step back and breathe. The group of them left and Alex could hear the roar of the car engines outside as they pulled out of the driveway. Alex walked back into the kitchen and sat down next to Emily and Allison who were drinking coffee at the counter.

"Have you heard from Liv?" Alec nodded her head, "she texted me to let me know they had gotten there and were going to be out of touch for a while they helped. I'm sure she'll call later if she can. The kids doing alright downstairs?"

"Sam threw on a movie for them and Grace had a pretty solid idea and disconnected the TV from the cable box so there is no way they can accidentally turn on the news. So for what it's worth they are fine and as protected from this as they can be." Emily mentioned as she washed out her mug. She looked toward the living room, "Haddie still asleep on the couch?"

"God I hope so. I just don't know what to say to her to calm her down. This kind of tragedy upsets everyone, but she grew up in a house full of violence toward her as a child and I think seeing it at this level scares her in a different way. Like she sees what could have happened to her, what almost happened to her." Alec tried to shake the thought from her head, but she couldn't. "If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him myself."

"Her dad or the gunman from this morning?"

"Both." Alex finished her coffee just about the time she heard the TV in the living room get turned on again. She walked into the room to see Haddie awake and sitting on the couch with the remote in her hand and all the color gone from her face. Alex finally looked up to see a headline that was worse than the first one. They had a final tally of the victims: 28 all total, 20 of them being children. Alex had seen a lot of awful things in her line of work and she had faced down monsters that ruined the lives of children and their families, but never before had she ever felt like she was going to cry and throw up at the same time. Just as Emily, Allison and Carol all walked in to see what had happened, Haddie jumped up from the couch and ran down the hallway. Alex immediately followed, but stopped when she saw her daughter run into the bedroom that Josh had the boys in, she softly knocked on the door before she opened it. Josh was standing in the middle of the room with Haddie pressed firmly into his chest and both of them were a mess of tears. Josh waved at Alex that he had Haddie and even though Alex wanted to support them both she knew that for now the best thing she could do is step back and let them be upset. She picked up Xander who seemed to have woken up from his nap and with her son in her arms she closed the door behind her and returned to the living room. The adults that were left in the house watched the news for a few minutes before hey once again turned it off. Carol looked around and decided that she had to say something.

"Look we all have cell phones that get news updates so I don't see a reason to have the channel on anymore. What happened today, what is still happening is heartbreaking and awful and it's a nightmare in its truest form. But sitting here watching the same pictures play while they say the same thing over and over again won't help anyone. Olivia is there helping them and other than that the only thing we can do for those people is pray. So I say we shut off the TV, put on a Christmas music station and do something together as a family because right now the only thing we can do is hold tight to the people we love." Everyone seemed to agree with what Carol had said and went about setting stuff up. Alex went over to the CD player and IPod dock and started playing Christmas music while her cousins started to clean up all the boxes that had held the decorations that were now on the tree. Everyone offered to hold Xander so Alex could have use of both her hands, but Alex had no interest in letting go of her son and everyone understood that.

The rest of the family returned from the store and unloading the cars and putting the food away seemed to distract everyone for while and once everything and everyone was back inside they had to start figuring out what they were going to be making in the ways of food over the next few days. Some of them worked on a menu for the rest of the week while the rest worked to fit all the gifts around the now decorated tree. The younger kids finally came up stairs and looked at the piles of presents around the tree and they were excited knowing that those were just the ones their parents got for them and that Santa had more coming.

It was almost dinner before Emily realized that she hadn't seen Sam since that morning and Alex remembered that she hadn't seen Haddie since she ran out of the room. They both excused themselves to go check on their daughters. Alex followed Emily downstairs where they found Sam and Grace resting on the couch. They weren't asleep, but Grace was lying against the arm rest with her eyes shut and Sam was snuggled into her also eyes shut. Grace was absentmindedly running her hand through her girlfriend's hair while she quietly hummed along with the song that was playing from her ipod. Emily and Alex quietly went back upstairs, deciding that letting the girls relax and find some comfort with each other was more important than having them upstairs with all the craziness. Emily returned to the living room in search of her husband and Alex quietly opened the door to her and Liv's bedroom where she assumed Haddie and Josh to still be. Instead of seeing the teenagers sitting on the bed she looked around the room and saw Josh and Haddie both sitting on the hardwood floor, their backs resting against the crib where JD was awake but was silently entertaining himself trying to put his foot in his mouth. Haddie was passed out leaning against Josh and while Josh seemed to be asleep he woke up when Alex walked into the room.

"Are you alright?" Alex felt terrible letting Josh handle Haddie and a baby by himself, but the teenager waved her off.

"I can handle it."

"That wasn't what I asked. You are 16, you shouldn't have to deal with this alone and I'm sorry if I put more stress on you by having you look after the boys." Alex knelt down near the boy and offered him a sad smile.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for: she's my girlfriend and they are my brothers, more or less."

"How did you get her to calm down?" Josh took something out of his pocket and handed it to Alex. It was the prescription bottle that had Haddie's pills in them.

"I had to give her one." Alex knew it was something that had to happen and she put the pills in her own pockets to hold onto. As she stood up and took JD out of the crib she turned back to Josh. "She didn't do anything did she?" Josh knew what Alex was asking and he shook his head.

"No ma'am, she'll feel better after she sleeps I'm sure." Alex nodded and breathed a small sigh of relief before walking out of the bedroom with JD. Alex settled into the kitchen and helped her family plan out the food and who would cook what one what day. They planned out Christmas meals and who would have what job and anyone in that room would readily admit to enjoying that simple task. Planning for something happy, something focused on family and love almost made them able to force the days events out of their minds. Josh eventually appeared in the kitchen offering to help do something. Eventually he joined the younger kids and agreed to read a story to them. He sat on the couch with all the kids around him, reading The Night Before Christmas. That kept them occupied for a while and even when he was done he agreed to go outside and play in the snow as long as their folks said ok. With the kids out of the house the adults had the ability to set up and prepare dinner and before they sat down for dinner Alex thought she would try to call Liv just to see if she had an update on when she would be coming home.

"Hi Lexi." Olivia sounded tired and like she had been crying half of the day which was possible.

"Hey, I just wanted to check in with you."

"We'll be here a few more hours, they are trying to cycle people out so that no one burns out. They have another NY squad coming in for when we leave tonight. We might be home by midnight, but if they need our help with…I call you if its going to be any later."

Alex knew Liv didn't want to say what else they might need to help with. "Ok, I'll set some food aside for you two when you get here, ok? I know you have to get back, but please take care of yourself."

"I will. I love you Lexi."

"I love you too baby."

"Lex?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Tell the kids that I love them. I mean I know the boys are babies, but just.."

"I'll tell them, they're safe and sound here Liv."

"Good. I'll call you before we head back. Night Lexi."

"Good night." Alex heard someone talking to Liv on the other end of the phone and then the phone cut out. She put her phone away in her pocket and went out into the dinning room where the family seemed to be waiting to hear some form of an update.

"They'll be home late. Looks like they will send them home by midnight at the latest."

"Does she have any new info?"

"I doubt she has anything more than what we have from the news updates. Besides they're dealing with the families and that kind of thing, the investigation isn't really something that she is a part of." Everyone nodded and seemed content to leave the conversation there for the time being. They listened to their children talk about what they did when they got to play outside in the snow and tell everyone what they hoped Santa was going to bring them for Christmas. They made small talk about the holiday or about work or whatever else they could come up with. They made two plates of food for whenever Liv and Elliot returned and set them aside in the fridge. They cleaned up and made sure that the kids brushed their teeth and were ready for bed. They got to watch one more movie before they had to go to bed, but of course many of them fell asleep before the credits rolled. They got tucked into bed and it took the parents a little bit longer than normal to do it. They took their time and enjoyed the fact that unlike many parents that day, they got to tuck their kids into bed and kiss them goodnight.

They cracked open the bar and started pouring themselves drinks before settling into the living room. They plugged in the tree and shut off the rest of the lights so that the only light in the room was coming from the small ones on the tree. Haddie had woken up and was sitting on the floor with Josh next to her and the girls had come up form downstairs and had joined the family. No one said anything: they just sat there, listening to the Christmas music that was still playing and looking at the tree. The teenagers wanted to wait up for when Olivia came home, but eventually even they couldn't keep their eyes open and they all headed for their respective bedrooms. Alex was sipping on her second drink when Josh came back into the room holding a crying JD in his arms.

"He started fussing and I thought I would grab him before he started really crying." Josh handed the boy to his mother and then we returned to his room. Alex held her son close to her and tried to soothe him, hoping that he would fall back asleep, but it was like he knew something was up, something was wrong. Alex holding him kept him calm, but he was wide awake and he seemed to be happy staying that way. Alex smirked a little; only her child would be stubborn enough to stay awake until both parents were home. Alex heard her phone ring around 11, just as everyone was about to head up to bed.

"We just left, we'll be back at the house soon as we can."

"I'm glad you're coming home."

"Everything ok there?"

"Your son won't go to sleep without you here."

Olivia laughed for the first time all day, "well I'm put him to bed when I get back if he is still awake. My phone is about to give out so I will see you soon."

"Drive safe."

Always, love you."

"Love you too." Alex hung up and looked at the small group of adults that were still awake. "They are on the road. You guys can go to bed, I'll wait for them to get here."

"It's ok Lexi we'll stay with you." Emily sat down and JR joined his sister on the couch. Bill also opted to stay, but he insisted that everyone else go to bed. They all said their goodnights and joined their spouses upstairs. Alex tried to stay awake, but she was nodding off and would only wake up when JD would try to wiggle out of her arms. Finally around midnight, she heard a car pull up outside and a engine turn off. Bill stood up and took the baby out of Alex's arms so that she could go to her wife.

Liv walked in the front door and Elliot walked in behind her. Alex had every intention of waiting for Olivia to come to her, but with everything that happened that day she soon found her self hugging Olivia tightly and trying hard not to cry. Olivia held on while Alex tried to calm herself down and when she was breathing easier she pulled back slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for being sad, today was bad for everyone."

"But you have been there all day trying to help and I'm the one who is crying and being emotional." Olivia was quiet and that usually was something that caused Alec concern. She leaned in and gave Alex a brief kiss before pulling away and shedding her coat, hat and boots. Without saying anything else she went of the Bill gave him a hug and picked JD up out of his arms and disappeared into the bedroom she shared with Alex. Alex turned to look at Elliot as if to get some kind of answer. He just shook his head, "it was bad Alex, like we have seen the very worst of what humans do to each other and this just…it was so bad Alex." Alex and Elliot were friend, but she didn't have the bond with him that Liv had with him, but in that moment the blonde reached out and hugged her wife's partner. When he pulled away he brushed some tears out of his eyes he put his knot hat on. "I should get going."

"Elliot it's a mess out there, please stay here tonight."

"I should really get home…" Bill stepped in, "Detective Stabler, I insist you spend the evening here with us. That weather at this hour is a recipe for disaster and there has been enough heartbreak today. My home is always open to you and your family. My niece set aside some food for you and Olivia and I would be happy to set up the couch for you to sleep on this evening." Bill wasn't really asking Elliot, he was just telling him politely that he was staying with them that night.

"I really appreciate this your honor." Bill waved his hand to cut Elliot off. "None of that, not tonight, you call me Bill. Let's go see about that food and you can use the landline to call your family." The two men disappeared into the kitchen and Alex went to go search for her wife. When she got to the door of their room Olivia was leaning on the arm of the crib and she was looking at the boys who both seemed to be sound asleep.

"He fell asleep the second I brought him in here."

"He was waiting for you to come home." Alex walked over and wrapped her arms around her wife's waist and kissed her cheek. Xander had spit out his pacifier and Liv reached down and put it back in this mouth before he realized it was gone. Alex felt Liv's body shake slightly and she knew that she was crying. She held her tighter and Olivia finally turned around and buried her head in the base of Alex's neck and lost all composure.

"They were babies Alex, they were somebody's baby." Alex took a few steps backwards, bringing Olivia with her so that they could sit on the bed. She lied down and pulled Olivia with her so that she was snuggled into Alex's side. Alex let her cry and only offered her wife some soft whispers and continued to rub slow circle on her back. After a while Olivia seemed to have stopped crying, but was still sniffling.

"We were there when they told the parents. They had the kids at the fire station and it got to the point where every child that had survived had been picked up by their parents and you could see it on the parents' faces Alex, they knew it was over. But when we had to say it, when we had to tell them it was over, it was like we took the air out of their lungs. We stayed and helped the families any way we could and then we helped them at the school and Jesus Christ Alex, I wish I could erase that image from my head."

"Liv you went down there and did your job, you helped those families through a nightmare and you did the best you could with the tools you had."

"I held the hands of mother's who lost everything Alex and I got to come home to my wife and my children. How is that fair?" Olivia sat up and Alex rose with her.

"It's not fair, none of this is fair. It's never going to make sense and there isn't anything you could have done to make it alright, but you used your training to help them through this part of the day. You don't have to apologize for wanting to come home to hold your family. And I know your heart breaks for them, but for right now all we can do is hold our kids a little tighter and be thankful we are surrounded by a family that loves us." Olivia nodded and gave Alex a kiss before standing up from the bed, "I'm going to go check on Elliot and maybe grab and shower. Wanna join me?"

Alex knew that eventually Olivia would have to talk to someone about what they had seen that day, but for tonight she was grateful that she had her wife home and her family around them.

**So hopefully you all do not hate me, grad school was insane last semester but I got straight A's. School is about to start again, but I'm going to try to be better at updating more regularly. I hope this chapter wasn't too much for those of you who read it, but what happened was just heartbreaking and I know everyone felt it in different ways. This was just I how I processed it so if you hated it I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and focus on other holiday stuff with the ladies and move this story along. Thanks for the patience. **


	31. Something Good

**Thank you for all the reviews and my apologies for the delay, I got so busy with school and clinical applications that this story got away from me. I ask your forgiveness and hopefully you don't mind reading a story still based during Christmas time even though it's the end of March.**

The next few days following the shooting were emotional, but everyone found their own ways of dealing with it. The parents decided to only tell the kids the smallest amount of information and to keep it age appropriate. They sat the younger kids down and told them that someone had hurt some kids at a school and they showed them on a map where CT was in relation to New York, trying to get them to understand that they were far enough away that they were safe. Most of the kids seemed satisfied with the basic explanation, all the kids that is except Lily. The little girl kept on asking questions, getting more agitated as she went, and in an effort to keep the kids calm, Kim took her daughter into the other room to try to calm her down. Lily pushed her mother for more information, wanting to know if the kids were ok and if someone was going to hurt her and no matter what Kim said her daughter just wasn't believing that she was safe. Before Kim could really do anything more Lily ran out of the room and headed straight to the kitchen. When Kim finally found her daughter she was in the kitchen, but she was holding onto Olivia's leg for dear life.

"Aunt Olivia, you protect people from bad guys right?" The five year old looked up at Olivia with a panicked expression on her face. Olivia was holding JD in her arms and Kim reached out to take the baby from her sister in law. Once her hands were free Olivia reached down and picked up the five year old and sat down at the table with her.

"Part of my job is protecting people, why do you ask sweetie?"

"You won't let the bad guy hurt us right?"

"Bad guy?" Olivia looked up at Kim who held up the front page of the newspaper that was still running headlines about the shooting and Olivia suddenly understood.

"Lily, did your mommy tell you that I went to go help the people who got hurt?" The child nodded.

"And did she tell you the person who hurt all those people can't hurt anyone anymore?"

"Yes, but what if someone else comes to hurt us?"

"Lily, look at me." The five year old locked eyes with her Aunt and she tried to sniffle back the tears. "No one is going to hurt you, not while you are here with me and even when you go home, your mommy and daddy will always be around to protect you and your brother."

"Where were the mommy and daddies of the kids who got hurt?" Olivia cursed how much Lily was like Alex, always asking the right question but at an age that she is too young to hear the answer.

"Lily, what happened to those kids was sad, but sometimes those things happen and even I can't explain why they happen. Sometimes bad things happen and there isn't anything we can do to stop it, but you are surrounded by people who love you and who are going to always try to keep you safe. You are safe in your house, you are safe here with us and people at school are going to keep you safe too. And if anyone ever tries to hurt you call me and I will come help you."

"So you'll protect me?" Olivia knew that there was no way to get Lilly to calm down unless she made her that promise.

"Of course I will." The five year old hugged her Aunt and then heard her cousins playing in the living room and she left the room to join them. Olivia stood up from the table and looked at Kim.

"I'm sorry she ran away from me when we were talking about it and she came straight to you."

"I'm just sorry I had to make her a promise that could be broken." Olivia took JD back from Kim and followed her sister in law into the living room. "I mean the likelihood of her ever getting hurt is low, but now I'll feel like an idiot if it ever happened."

"Neither one of us could have ever seen her freaking out over this. I should have seen it coming though, she's just like Alex; always asking questions that she doesn't need the answer to."

"If she seems bothered by it later I have the names of some really good child therapists that deal with traumatic events like this, they might be able to help her understand it better." Olivia sat down and rested JD against her chest in the hopes of keeping him quiet for a little bit longer.

"I'm sorry you got put in this position Liv?"

"You don't have to apologize, its part of my job."

"Yeah, but its Christmas and you've already have had to do too much work related stuff this week, I didn't want this to add to your hell."

"Hey, you didn't add to anything and she's a kid and family. I just wish there was more I could do to make her feel safer."

"Make who feel safer about what?" Alex came walking in from the bedroom and sat down next to Olivia and pick JD up off her wife's chest.

"Lily is feeling a little rattled after Kim tried explaining what happened at the school."

"She ok?" Alex looked at her sister.

"She will be, Liv told me she has the name of some people who can help if she needs someone to help her through it." Alex leaned over and gave her wife a kiss before turning her attention back to the baby who is now wide-awake.

"Has mommy's big boy been good, has he?" Kim tried not to laugh at her sister talking to her infant son in a high-pitched tone of voice.

"Say Auntie Kim is being mean to mommy isn't she, yes she is." JD smiled at his mother and playfully swatted at her face. Xander started crying from the bedroom and Olivia stood up to get him only to see Josh walking down the hallway with the fussing baby in his arms. The teenager handed the baby to Liv, "I heard him starting to fuss on the baby monitor so I figured I would grab him before he really started to wail."

"Thanks, but you shouldn't have to be pulling baby duty when it's your last day up here."

"I don't mind, besides once I leave it'll be a few weeks before I see these monster again and they will likely be twice as big by then." Josh tickled Xander stomach to make his point. "But as soon as Haddie gets dressed and all that you all have my undivided attention for the day."

"Well a few of my cousins went to the store to get some stuff for dinner tonight, I think we're doing a mock Christmas so that you can have the full experience with us before you go celebrate with your family."

"Sounds like a good excuse to open presents early and eat food that is bad for everyone."

"Well that is what the holidays are all about right?" Alex offered as she stood up and shifted JD so that he was resting on her hip. "Speaking of which I should go check on the turkey, Astrid put it in the oven early this morning, but I have to check it every now and then."

"Don't burn the house down Lexi." Kim yelled after her sister.

"One time Kimberly, one freakin' time. Your eyebrows grew back didn't they?" Alex handed JD over to Josh so that she could deal with the oven with both hands.

"Are you excited to spend time with your family in California?"

"It's always fun to get to see everyone and we really only see them at the holidays so it's always special. Plus winter in California is different than winter in New York, I'll take the rain over the snow any day."

"Maybe I'll hide in your suitcase, sounds like heaven."

"I think your family might discover you're missing, but anytime you guys want some sunshine let me know, my family rents the same cabin every year and we get a good deal."

"I'll keep that in mind." Alex closed the oven and reset the timer for another three hours. When she looked back over to Josh, he was just kind of staring at JD.

"Josh? Honey are you ok?" The teenager snapped back into reality pretty quickly, saying that he was fine while plastering a fast smile on his face. Alex could see a fake smile from a mile away, Olivia and Haddie tried to use them all the time and Alex was never fooled. She took the seat next to Josh and looked at him with her best ADA mom look.

"Want to try that answer again without the big fat lie?"

"Alex, really I'm fine."

"Then why are you looking at my baby like he's going to disappear?"

"I just…I just don't get it."

"Don't get what honey?" Josh turned the child around so that he was facing his mother and the baby laughed at the movement and smiled big when he saw Alex's face.

"Who would want to hurt him?" Alex suddenly realized what had Josh upset and she rubbed his hand in an effort to calm in down a bit.

"Honey, there is no good answer to that question and you will drive yourself crazy if you try."

"How does Olivia do it everyday?"

"She's been at it a long time and she's learned how to leave work at work and come home to her family. But she'll tell you if you ask, that there have been times where she's fallen apart and questioned if there is any good in this world."

"How'd she get through it, those time when she lost that hope?" Alex held out her left hand and showed off her wedding band.

"She let love into her life, she let herself believe that someone loved her without condition. You're holding the other reason hat she keeps fighting." Josh looked at the baby in his arms who was entertaining himself with the teenagers watch.

"She has three kids who love their mother and she has me, she come home and is reminded that the world may be a shitty place sometimes, but there are people who are good and who love her. Sometimes that's all we have to hold onto Josh and usually it more than enough." The teenager smiled and stood up form the table, "I'm going to go see if Haddie is dressed." Josh handed the baby back to Alex and left the kitchen. Alex looked down at JD who was trying to grab hold of her hair.

"Your sister picked a winner with him. Yes she did."

Later that night the house was full of energy and it felt like it was Christmas with the way everyone was acting. Truthfully, everyone needed to enjoy their evening and simply enjoy celebrating the holiday with family. After that week's events a night with the whole family as exactly what everyone needed to regroup. Dinner was chaos, like it usually is with a family meal of that size, but everyone was talking happily amongst themselves. When the meal was over the kids went downstairs to watch a movie while the adults gathered in the living room to do a make shift Christmas so that Josh could receive his gifts and hand out the one he had brought. Josh got gifts of clothes, gift cards and the occasional small sum of cash, all of which he insisted was far too generous. When he had opened most of his gifts Alex handed him one more that was from her and Olivia. The boy opened the small box and lifted out a book. As he thumbed through it he saw that it was sheet music and when he read the titled he smiled.

"Popular Broadway Musical Scores. Thank you guys, this is going to drive my folks nuts."

"We figured that if Haddie was going to keep acting in the school plays that she'll need some help and we thought you'd like some new music to try out."

"I love it, thank you." Haddie handed Josh a thin envelope that had red ribbon wrapped around it. The teenager open the envelope and pulled out two pages of computer paper that had something typed on it. Josh sat perfectly still for a few minutes, carefully reading and when he was done he looked at Haddie who was playing with her necklace in an effort to keep her hands busy. Without saying anything or telling anyone what it was Josh leaned over and kissed Haddie, nothing inappropriate, but that kiss had meaning behind it and everyone saw it. Josh thanked everyone again for the gifts he had received and as the adults talked and prepared themselves for the real Christmas that would be coming in a few days, both Josh and Haddie went and sat down at the piano in the living room. Haddie flipped through the pages of the music that her mothers had given Josh and she soon settled on a song. Josh hit a few sour notes before finding his rhythm and began playing the song with relative ease. Everyone sat and listened to the two teenagers sing as though they were alone.

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood

Perhaps I had a miserable youth

But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past

There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing

Nothing ever could

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good

(Josh)

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should

(Haddie)

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good

(Both)

Nothing comes from nothing

Nothing ever could

(Haddie)

So somewhere in my youth

(Josh)

Or childhood

(Haddie)

I must have done something . . .

(Both)

Something good


	32. Cheryl

**I apologize for the wait everyone, finals were pretty bad this semester and my second semester of grad school was harder than I had thought it would be. This chapter takes place after the New Year begins and Haddie goes back to school. HUGE WARNING: this chapter includes talk about physical abuse and the aftermath of it, so just be prepared (it's not in regards to Haddie or anything like that so no worries there). Just be prepared.**

Almost the second they got back from the Hamptons, Alex was handed a new case that was going to take some time to prepare for. She opted to do the first week of prep from home so that she could keep an eye on the boys and be there when Haddie got home from school. Haddie's first day back had appeared to be an uneventful one and the teenager was in her bedroom listening to music and reading while Alex had documents spread across the dinning room table. The buzzer distracted Alex from her work and with a frustrated huff she hit the button that connected her to the doorman.

"Mrs. Cabot, there is a teenager down here asking for Haddie?"

"Send them up John." Alex didn't think much of someone calling for Haddie and she half expected it to be Josh, that is until she heard a sharp knock from the front door. Alex opened the door to a young woman who looked to be about Haddie's age.

"Can I help you?"

"Hi Mrs. Cabot, is Haddie home?" Alex noticed that the teenager barely made eye contact with her when she spoke.

"Sure, come on in." Alex stepped aside and let the girl come inside before turning around and yelling for Haddie.

"Haddie, some is here to see you." Haddie came out of her room about a minute later and almost froze in the hallway when she saw who was standing near her mother.

"Cheryl, what the hell do you want?"

"Haddie." Alex scolded her daughter and watched the other teenager hang her head a little lower.

"What, you know all the stuff that she has done to me. Hell the last time we had any long conversation she pushed to the point of suicide."

"Haddie, sometimes people change, maybe just hear her out. Besides, I'll be here the whole time." Haddie rolled her eyes and looked over at her classmate. "Alright Cheryl, let's go into the living room." The two teenagers took a seat in the living room and Alex kept a watchful eye from her spot at the table.

Haddie waited for a few minutes while Cheryl looked at her hands. "Ok Cheryl, seriously what is it that you want? Forget to make fun of my parents or my sexuality before we left for break? Still think that my boyfriend is yours? Want to take another crack at making me want to die? Stop me if I get to why you showed up on my door step." Haddie stopped and realized that she had started yelling and when she looked at her classmate something seemed off. There was no sign of the fighting spirit that Cheryl usually had in her, no signs that she was about to fight back; all Haddie saw was a single tears run down the other teens flushed face.

"Ok, look Cheryl, just tell me why you came over." Haddie softened her tone because at this point she was honestly curious as to why her mortal enemy was in her house on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry."

"You came clear across town to tell me you are sorry?"

"Look I know that me saying it, that it doesn't make how I treated you right, but I had to say it. I'm sorry for all the bullshit I threw at you about Josh. He never looked at me twice, let alone loved me. I don't know why I attacked you about your mothers, it was a cheap shot and I'm just sorry. I can't take back what I said about you and your problem, but I wish like hell that I could. I never wanted you to die and now I'm here now because despite everything I've done to you, you're still the only decent person I know."

"Still haven't told me why you're here Cheryl." Haddie could tell that her classmate was being earnest and that the apologies were sincere and heartfelt. She still had no clue as to what the other girl wanted.

Cheryl took a deep breath and looked over at Haddie, "your father and mine share something in common."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't know who else to go to and I remembered that you mom is a cop and your other mom is a lawyer and I…I've burned a lot of bridges Haddie and I don't really have any one to turn to." Haddie was still a little lost as to what was going on in her living room, Cheryl kept hinting at the problem, but Haddie wasn't sure what to think, but her better judgment told her to go grab her mother.

Haddie stood up and turned to Cheryl, "just wait here." Haddie went over to where Alex was still working on the dinning room table and her mother looked up and caught the worried expression on her daughter's face.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, she keeps apologizing and she's being really cryptic and weird, but something tells me I'm in over my head and I need an adult." Alex put the file in her hands down and followed Haddie back into the living, not really knowing what she was about to walk into. Haddie sat back down across from where Cheryl was still sitting.

"Ok, I got my mom now spill, why did you come here? And why did you say that my father and yours have something in common, I thought your dad was still alive?"

"He…he is, unfortunately. Look I have no idea how to say this and I'm so scared of what will happen when I do, but I can't do this alone anymore." Before Haddie could push further Cheryl stood up and started to take off her tshirt. Haddie truly didn't understand what was going on and quickly looked away.

"Jesus fucking Christ Cheryl, what is this supposed to…?" Haddie stopped talking abruptly, not because she wanted to but because her mother had literally covered her mouth with her hand, preventing her from finishing her sentence. Haddie was about to question her mother's actions when she finally looked at Cheryl who was by now standing in their living room in her bra and jeans. Haddie ignored the fact that the girl she knew as her bully was practically sobbing in front of her, but only because with her shirt off, Haddie suddenly realized what their fathers had in common: they were both awful men. Bruises that were clearly brand new decorated the teenagers torso and other bruises that appeared to be healing provided both Haddie and Alex with a horrifying answer as to why this teenager had ended up in their home. After a minute or two of silence, Cheryl broke down in tears and made eye contact with both women.

"I need help." The crying resumed and this time her whole body shook with every sob and with a second thought Alex grabbed the blanket that was draped over the couch and carefully wrapped it around Cheryl's body. The teenager quickly collapsed into the arms of her one time enemy's mother and finally let all her pent up tears out. Alex had held her own children when they cried, but holding someone else's when you know they just lived through hell was an awful feeling because she felt truly helpless. Haddie was sitting in a shocked state, still completely blown away with what she just saw. Alex saw the glossed over look in her daughter's eye that usually meant she was caught up in a memory from her own past.

"Haddie." Alex just needed Haddie to look at her and come back into reality. Her mother's voice forced Haddie to come back into the present situation and realize that her mother was going to need some help.

"Go pack up the boys and hand me my cell phone please." Haddie moved fast and handed Alex her phone before running into the nursery to dress the boys to leave the house. Alex didn't realize it until she tried to move, but Cheryl had a death grip on Alex's body.

"Cheryl, honey how about we sit down for a minute ok?" Cheryl finally loosened her grip and she and Alex both sat down on the couch.

"Good, now honey I need you to tell me who did this to you?"

"My father."

"Has it happened before?" Alex's heart broke when the girl nodded yes.

"How often has it happened?"

"Off and on since I was 8. My mom died that year and he started working more and drinking more and whenever I got in his way this would happen."

"Ok honey, we need to get you down to the station where my wife works ok? I promise she and her team can help you out."

"Why are you being so kind to me? You know what I did to your daughter, don't you thin I deserve at least this much?" Alex tilted the teen's head up so that they were looking at each other.

"No one deserves this, no one. We can deal with you and Haddie later, right now you need some help and I'm gonna make sure you get it." Haddie returned and told her mother that the boys were ready to go. Alex handed Cheryl her shirt back and helped her get it over her bruised torso. Haddie held one of her brothers in each arm and let her mother hold up Cheryl who was, by this point in need of someone to hold her up. They made into the car and once the boys were locked in and the girls settled Alex texted Olivia to tell her that she was coming in with a friend of Haddie's that needed some help. She sent the text, started the car and began the drive to the station. As they drove Haddie saw Cheryl wince every time the car moved slightly because of a pothole or anything else.

"I'm sorry you're in that much pain." Haddie was honestly sorry that Cheryl was suffering and it was a pain both girls knew all too well.

"It's ok."

"No it isn't." Haddie's voice was firm, but still laced with concern.

"I know, but you get used to saying that it is ok. I've gotten to the point that I just hope all he hits me with is his fists. This time hoping didn't do much good."

"Wait, he didn't hit with his fists?"

"Not this time." Before Haddie could ask the next question, Alex pulled the car over abruptly, looked in the rearview mirror and asked in a dead serious tone. "What did he hit you with his time?"

"Went over to his golf clubs, I thought he would stick to his nine iron, cuz he's used it before, but no, not this time. " Cheryl was starting to act sleepy and was already half asleep on Haddie's shoulder. Alex turned around violently and repeated her question.

"What did he hit you with his time?"

Cheryl lifted up her head, looked Alex straight in the eye and said, "his driver." Alex's eyes grew with the words Cheryl had said and in one fluid motion, threw her seat belt back on, turned the car back on and floored the accelerator. Before Haddie could ask what was happening Alec handed her daughter her phone.

"Call your mother and tell her to meet us at the hospital."

"What, why there?"

"Haddie drivers are very big golf clubs and if she got hit with one to cause those bruises she might be bleeding internally."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, oh shit."

**And you thought Cheryl was gone and forgotten; nope she's back for a while. Rest easy though she is not getting adopted by Alex and Liv, they are just gonna help her out **


	33. Line In The Sand

**We passed 300 reviews! Thanks so much for sticking with me everyone and I hope you like this next part.**

Alex came speeding into the emergency bay and quickly threw the car into park. They had gotten stuck in some traffic on their way to the hospital so by the time they got there Olivia and Elliot were already waiting for them. Alex jumped out of the driver's seat and yelled for Elliot to help her.

"What happened?" Elliot came charging towards the car as Alex threw open the backseat door of the car.

"She lost consciousness about 3 minutes ago. Her father beat her with a his golf driver so there could be internal bleeding." Elliot reached into the backseat and picked up the unconscious teenager and carefully got her out of the car as a team of doctors came outside with a stretcher. Elliot followed them inside and Olivia rushed over to Alex.

"You go inside and stay with Elliot, I'll park the car and being the kids in."

"We can't keep two babies and a teenager in the ER all night Liv." Olivia knew Alex had a point, but they were fast running out of options. Olivia finally got an idea and looked in the back seat to Haddie.

"Call Josh and tell him to get down here when he can and that we need him to drive our car and you all home." Olivia closed the door and jumped in Alex's car and sped away from the ER bay. Soon afterwards Liv returned with one of the boy's car seats in her hand and Haddie following behind her with the other one. She got Haddie and the boys settled before finding her way to where Elliot and Alex were waiting and talking to a doctor.

"Any idea on how bad it is?" The doctor pointed to the scan he had been showing Elliot and Alex.

"Your wife was smart to bring her straight here. There appears to be some bleeding around her spleen and we won't know until we get in there if it needs to come out or not."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"Like I was telling your partner and your wife, she can easily live without a spleen and if that is where the bleeding is coming from we don't have much of a choice. I can give you more information once we begin the surgery." The doctor was about to walk away when Olivia stopped him.

"We need documentation of the bruises and the scans." The doctor nodded, "the pictures are being prepared for you as we speak. The full scans will be ready after we're done with her surgery." The doctor left the three of them standing there and for the first time in the last 20 minutes all three adults took a breath.

"Alex how the hell did this happen?"

"She showed up at the house in tears, she started apologizing to Haddie and then she took of her tshirt and started crying that she needed help. I didn't know until we were almost to the station that he had hit her with a golf club." Olivia rubbed Alex's arm and looked over to Elliot, "call Serena and Casey with what we have and I don't care what you have to pull, you get me an arrest warrant for her father tonight and I want his ass in my holding cell by morning."

"You got it Liv, I'll call you from the station." Elliot took off, leaving Alex and Olivia to go take seats next to Haddie who was trying to keep the boys occupied. They all sat there in silence for a while, mostly because Olivia was off in her own mind trying to be professional while Alex and Haddie were just plain mad that this was happening. Eventually they were given a brief distraction when Josh showed up in the ER with his mother behind him. Haddie jumped up and let Josh wrap his arms around her in a hug and Alex and Liv stood up to talk to his mother.

"We didn't mean for you to have to drive him down here, just so he could take the kids home."

"It's nothing really, my shift starts in 20 minutes anyway so I was heading down here already." Nina turned to her son, "you stay at their apartment until they get home ok and don't think that this means you get to skip school tomorrow."

"I know mom." Nina gave her son a smile and turned back to Olivia. "I'm going to be doing post op rounds later so I can keep an eye on the girl."

"When she gets settled in a room can you let me know so I can post an officer outside her room?"

"Of course, I'll try and keep you posted while she is still in surgery." Nina's pager went off and she quickly said her goodbyes and rushed off to the nurses' station. Olivia picked up one of the carriers and handed it to Haddie while she carried the other one herself.

"Thank you for coming down here and driving them home. Alex and I can't really leave until she is out of surgery and even then, I'm going to be here for a while."

"It's not a problem at all, can't keep two babies in an ER all night and we both have school in the morning." Olivia and Haddie got the boys situated in their car seats and Haddie climbed into the passenger seat while Olivia tossed Josh the keys. She watched as Josh pulled out of the hospital parking lot before she went back inside and reclaimed her seat next to Alex.

"You think Elliot has anything yet?"

Olivia shook her head, "he just texted me, he and Fin are just waiting for Casey and Serena to bother the right judge to sign the arrest warrant."

"You'll get him won't you?" Olivia turned to Alex with concern in her eyes, mostly due to the fact that what Alex just said sounded like something their teenager would say as opposed to a tough as nails ADA.

"We will make this right Alex, it's just going to take some time. We'll make sure she's safe though."

"Liv you didn't see that look on her face when she was in the living room. I always built her up as this big bad bully that was after my child, but in that moment she looked like a little kid that was lost."

"Alex there was no way for us to have seen this; sometimes a bully is just a bully…"

"And sometimes a bully is a 16 year old who is being beaten with golf clubs." Alex didn't mean to snap at Olivia, but what had happened to Cheryl really left her at a huge loss for words.

"Lexi, we're gonna help her, I promise." Alex snuggled into Olivia's shoulder and they stayed like that for two hours before the doctor that spoke to them earlier came out to find them.

"They are closing her up right now and all things considered she did very well in the surgery. I had to remove her spleen because I had suspected that was where she was losing the most blood and fixing it would have been more trouble and there would have been no guarantee that it would have solved anything. This way the bleeding stopped and everything else evened out the way we were hoping they would."

"So she'll be ok?"

"Good as new once the stiches come out and the bruises heal. Once they close her up I'm having her moved to the ICU only to allow for more security. That floor is staffed fully 24-7 so your armed guard will have so assistance keep her protected."

"I appreciate that thank you."

"My pleasure ladies, give me a few minutes and I will have a nurse come and tell you a room number." The doctor walked away and Olivia quickly texted Elliot to update him and get an update on the warrant. Once she was done a nurse told them that they could head up to the 4th floor and wait for Cheryl up there. Olivia called Haddie and told her that Alex would be coming home soon and then the two women sat down in the ICU waiting room.

"You should head home, Elliot will be back here once they have her dad."

"You sure."

"Positive, go get some sleep." Alex gathered her things and kissed Olivia before walking out the door and hailing a cab. Traffic at that time of night wasn't bad so Alex got home fairly quickly. She walked into the apartment to find Haddie sitting on the couch reading; her head shot up the second she heard a key in the door.

"She's going to be fine." Alex answered the question before Haddie had time to ask it. Haddie put the book down and went over to her mother and gave her a hug. "Thank you."

"What for?" Alex returned the hug and watched as her daughter pulled back.

"For being here when she came knocking, I wouldn't have known what to do for her if you hadn't been here."

"You would have called an ambulance once she passed out I'm sure, but I'm glad I was home too. Shouldn't you be in bed, you have school in the morning?"

"They sent out an email; they had to fumigate for terminates so no school for three days." Alex was thankful for that, one less thing to worry about doing in the morning on top of everything that had happened already.

"And last, but not least, how did the boys do once you got them home. I don't here any crying so they must be asleep right?"

"We fed them and Josh took them into your bedroom to put them down. I went in there to help him about 30 minutes ago and he was dead asleep and so were the boys." Haddie pointed to her mothers' bedroom and when Alex opened the door she laughed softly at the sight of the teenager sound asleep in the rocking chair with one baby in each arm. She closed the door softly behind her and returned to the living room and she didn't question it when Haddie immediately snuggled into her shoulder.

"She's going to be fine."

"You said that already."

"Maybe you needed to hear it again." Alex kissed her daughter's head and ran her fingers through her hair.

"It feels weird."

"What does?"

"Caring about someone that you used to hate."

"I guess that does feel weird, but it's ok to want to support her."

"But how do I forgive everything she did up until now? I mean, I get that she was hurting, but how do I just forgive all that?"

"That is something you'll have to work out with her when she wakes up. Maybe you just need to draw a line in the sand and move forward."

"Is that what you did with Grandma?"

"Honey, grandma and I have a very complicated history of fight that spans 30 years. We had to bury the hatchet at some point or we never would have been able to share the same air space. You and Cheryl need to hear each other out, understand where the other person is coming form and then start fresh."

"Draw a line in the sand and move forward." Haddie repeated her mother's words as if she finally understood.

"Exactly." Alex stood up from the couch and held her hand out to Haddie. "School or not you should probably get ready for bed."

"What, no, please take me back to the hospital."

"Why do you want to go back, I told you she's gonna be fine and your mom is there, she's well protected."

"Being well protected and having a familiar face be there when you wake up are two very different things." Alex knew Haddie wasn't going to move on the subject and she finally sighed heavily.

"I want to go on the record as saying I don't like the idea of bringing you back to the hospital."

"But?" Haddie flashed a quick smile at Alex and hoped for the best.

"Go get your stuff and let me tell Joshua that you are coming with me." Haddie took off down the hall towards her bedroom and Alex went back into the master bedroom. She gently tapped Josh on the shoulder and the teenager slowly woke up and realized he still had both babies in his arms.

"Sorry Alex, guess we all took a nap."

"Don't apologize, thank you for getting them home and asleep. Look Haddie wants to go back to the hospital with me so is there any chance you would be willing to stay here and keep an eye on the boys for a few hours. I'm sure we'll be back once Cheryl wakes up."

"Sure I'll just crash on the couch. You said when she wakes up, I take it she made it through the surgery then?" Alex nodded her head as she put the boys back into their cribs. "She did, they had to take out her spleen though, but once they did that the worst of the internal bleeding was under control so once she heals from surgery and the bruise she'll be fine, physically speaking that is."

"And emotionally?"

"It'll take time, just like it did with Haddie. You seem to care an awful lot about her after everything she's put Haddie through." Josh shrugged his shoulder as he followed Alex into the living room, "I may not like her very much, at least I didn't before we found out what was happening to her. If I can give your mother another chance then I owe Cheryl the same second chance." Alex nodded and would have continued to talk to Josh, but at that moment Haddie came back out of her room with a backpack around her shoulders. Josh said his goodbyes to the two of them as they headed out to the hospital for the second time that night. When they arrived back at the hospital they found Olivia in the hallway talking to someone on her phone in a very animated fashion. Alex assumed it was Elliot and know that they wouldn't be able to get in the room without Olivia's badge they patiently waited for Olivia to finish her call. When Olivia hung up and put her phone back in her pocket she looked up and saw Alex and Haddie standing there watching her.

"I thought you were home for the night, she's still out like a light."

"I know, but Haddie insisted on being here when she came too."

"What about school?"

"Extra long weekend because they had to do an emergency fumigation." Olivia looked back to Haddie. "Are you sure you want to be in there with her, she doesn't look like the person you are used to seeing?"

"She shouldn't have to wake up alone and I seriously doubt she'll be ready to talk the second she comes to. I promise I'll come get you when she wakes up, just please let me stay in there with her." Olivia looked to Alex to make sure they were on the same page and then walked over to the guard outside Cheryl's room and added Haddie's name to the list of people actually allowed in the room with the teenager. Once she got Haddie set up, she closed the door behind her and she and Alex stood outside the door watching as Haddie made herself comfortable.

"They executed the warrant about ten minutes before you all got here."

"That phone call?"

"Elliot was letting me know that they were back at the 1-6 with her dad. They are keeping him in the drunk tank for the night and we'll deal with him in the morning."

"He say anything when they picked him up?"

"Nothing that was in English, Elliot said he smelled like he went swimming in bourbon. We have to get him sober before we talk to him."

"You think he's going to remember what he did?"

"All the times my mother got violently drunk she ALWAYS remembered what she did, but not until the next morning. He may not remember what he did right now, but one thing I know for sure is that I'll make sure he never forgets it. Prison is a really good place to think about how much of an ass hole you are. By the time he get out, she'll be all grown up and he won't be able to hurt her."

"Speaking of which, what are we going got do when she wakes up, we can't throw her to the foster care system, not like this."

"Fin and Munch are working on find any living relatives, they'll find someone or they'll find a foster home that we are familiar with. One that can actually take care of her." Olivia's phone rang again so she broke away from Alex and took the call.

About two hours later, Alex and Olivia were camped out in the waiting room trying to balance sleep and working on this case while Haddie was fast asleep in the chair near Cheryl's bed.

"Well if they sent you to be my babysitter then I really must be dying." Haddie sat up pretty quickly and looked at Cheryl who was now awake and starring at her.

"Could have been worse, you could be dealing with my mother snoring." Cheryl laughed and then winced realizing that her stiches weren't really meant to be pulled on like that.

"Right sorry, no laughing." Haddie pushed the blanket off her legs and stood up, "how you feeling, any pain?"

"Nothing I haven't lived through before." Haddie faced fell, how could she have missed a classmate being beaten right under her nose.

"Don't feel sorry for me, I hate pity."

"It's not pity it's concern, I didn't have to have surgery, but I know what it's like to wake up in a hospital room in pain and scared."

"At least you weren't alone."

"Neither are you. I mean I know we're hardly friends, but I've been sitting here for almost three hours waiting for you to wake up."

"Thank you." It was an earnest thank you and Haddie didn't question it.

"I should go get my mom."

"Wait, just give me two more minutes without everyone swarming my bed."

"But I told her…"

"When you were in this bed, did you want to tell your story over and over again to complete strangers knowing that your whole life was falling to hell around you?"

"No…I just sort of shut down on them for a while, my mom had to use ASL to talk to me."

"Just two minutes, then you can bring in whoever you want, but just give me those two minutes of peace ok." Haddie understood the desire for even those few precious minutes so she sat back down and waited. "Besides, my hair probably looks like hell." Haddie smiled and was thankful that Cheryl was trying to crack a joke, even a poorly timed one.

After a few minutes Cheryl spoke again. "Ok you can let them in now." Haddie told the officer at the door to go get her parents and then she quickly returned to her chair.

"Haddie?"

"Yeah Cheryl?"

"It may not mean much coming from me, but…thank you."

"A thank you is a thank you regardless of who says it Cheryl and you're welcome."

"This doesn't have to be the part in the movie where two enemies become friends or anything like that. Just because we share one very fucked up thing in common doesn't mean we have to build a friendship on it."

"You don't trust people very well do you Cheryl?"

"Never had much of a reason too." Haddie knew that feeling too, but she swallowed her memories for a moment and grabbed Cheryl's hand.

"I don't want to build a friendship on the back of your suffering, but if you want to leave the past where it belongs I bet you the two of us could be much better friends then we ever were enemies."

"And how would you suggest making that happen?" Cheryl didn't mean for it to sound snarky, but old habits die hard.

"Simple, we draw a line in the sand and move forward." Haddie held out her hand to Cheryl, "so what do you say?"

Cheryl eyed Haddie and seemed to think about the offer and eventually she carefully picked up her hand that wasn't tethered to an IV and gently shook Haddie's hand, "I say you have yourself a tentative friendship."


	34. France or Texas?

**Sorry for the wait you guys, but I promise I haven't forgotten you. Let's see how things unravel for Cheryl.**

The next few days left Olivia feeling completely exhausted. She and Elliot were putting in massive amounts of overtime trying to make a strong enough case against Cheryl's father to ensure that he would be stripped of his parental rights. While they were doing that Fin and Munch were tracking down every living relative the teenager had, but the list was short and these people were hard to find and even harder to get a hold of. Elliot had finally convinced Olivia to go home for the night and get some actual sleep. After some arguing, Liv agreed and had a uniformed officer drive her home because she was in no shape to drive herself. She walked into the apartment and unceremoniously dropped her keys on the table and quickly kicked off her shoes near the door.

"Long night?" Alex walked in from their bedroom and watched as Liv walked into the kitchen.

"Never ending. Elliot finally called it a night and insisted I do the same. We gave them everything we could possibly give them to build a case against him, now it's up to them." Olivia sat down at the table and started eating off the plate that Alex had left for her. "Where are all the kids, it sounds too quiet in here?"

"Boys are asleep, Haddie and Josh are on their way back from getting ice cream and I just called the hospital and Cheryl is doing fine." At that moment the front door opened again and Haddie walked in with Josh trailing behind her.

"Hey, mom is home." Haddie noted as she sat down next Olivia on the couch.

"Your uncle couldn't see straight anymore so we gave up for the night."

"Are you guys done with the case then?"

"That all depends on Cheryl's dad. If he pleads guilty then yes this part is over, if he doesn't then we are in for a lot of long nights."

"What happens to Cheryl?"

"Fin and Munch are still trying to track down a next of kin who is willing to help, but I guess her father burned a lot of bridges after his wife died, they keep getting hung up on." At that moment Olivia's phone rang and it was Fin.

"Any luck?"

"You won't believe this one Liv."

"I'll believe anything once Fin, try me."

"We found an aunt, the deceased mom's older sister. Name is Emma Hanes."

"Wait if she's her aunt why didn't she come up first when we started looking?"

"That's where this gets difficult, she doesn't live in this country."

"What, where does she live?"

"Paris."

"Paris as in France?"

"That's the one. Munch talked to her about ten minutes ago, she's in the process of trying to get on the next flight to New York, might take some time."

"So she is willing to help?"

"Sounds like it, but she was drifting in and out of French and English we didn't get much out of her."

"Leave her another message and if she gets to JFK I want one of us to pick her up from the airport."

"You got it Liv." Olivia hung up and called Elliot with this new information. When that phone call was finished she looked to Alex.

"Call Serena and tell her that we have something to dangle in front of that defense attorney. He can't keep claiming to be her only family if we counter his statements with a next of kin who actually has their life together." Alex made that phone call while Olivia tried to get ahold of Elliot while she gathered up her belongings. When she and Alex, both hung up Olivia was already reaching for her keys.

"I'm heading over to the hospital."

"Not without your car, you aren't." Olivia realized that she didn't drive herself home and that Alex would have to drive if she was going anywhere.

"If the kids don't mind keeping an eye on the boys, I can drive you to the hospital now."

"We can keep the monsters under control for a while mom, go ahead." Haddie got up from the couch and grabbed the baby monitor from the charger and settled back onto the couch with Josh flipping through the channels searching for a movie. With the kids more or less taken care of Alex drove the two of them to the hospital and followed Olivia into Cheryl's room. Since her surgery, Cheryl had been healing well and was able to sit up in bed if she felt up to it so when the two women came into her room she was wide awake flipping through a book.

"The two of you showing up at this hour can't be because you have good news."

"Actually, we might have some good news."

"Might?" The teenager was weary of what could possibly be confused as being good news.

"Did your mom ever mention a sister to you?"

"I know she had one, I think I met her once when I was 5, but she lived out of the country so we never really saw much of her, why?"

"We got a hold of her and we are working on her coming to New York, hopefully she'll be able to make a claim to you and that would screw up your father's chances of using you as a bargaining piece."

"So my choice is being used by him or be treated like cattle?"

"I know it's not fair Cheryl, but your aunt might be the best chance we have of getting you into the care of a family member who can actually care for you."

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude. I just…you want someone who has met me once to raise me or at least babysit me for the next few years until I'm an adult."

"Not a bad option when you consider what conditions you have been living in."

"I know you're right. It's certainly better than being thrown into a stranger's house in foster care. But how can you even be sure that she is willing to help?"

"Well, my partner called me on the way here, she is on the manifest on the next flight out of Paris to fly into JFK tomorrow morning. That's a long way to travel for someone not willing to help."

"Paris…my aunt lives in Paris?"

"She does and has since before you were born. Now nothing is set in stone yet, but with a blood relative in the picture we have a stronger case to make your father stop fighting and just pleading guilty."

"Won't that mean pleading him down?" Olivia looked at Alex who just shrugged.

"Lots of law shows on late at night when you can't sleep, I know what happens if he cooperates."

"Even if the DA offers him a slightly lesser prison sentence, he won't be released until your are well into your adult life, he will have no legal claim to you ever again, at least he won't by the time I'm done with him."

"So, I would decide if I ever wanted to see him again?"

"Precisely."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah, I should at least meet my aunt, or meet her again and see what she is willing to do right, I mean she is flying all this way for me and all."

"We'll bring her here as soon as her plane lands. We just wanted to let you know what was happening. Get some sleep please, no more late night cop shows."

"I'll try." Olivia and Alex left the room and as they climbed into the car Olivia mussed. "You think this woman might be able to help us?"

"Well she is kind of our only shot at avoiding a lengthy trial so I hope so."

"Me too, me too."

**I'm sorry, I know it is short, but I needed this chapter to set up the next one. I promise that that one will be longer and this filler chapter will make more sense.**


	35. Family Reunion

It took some doing, but Olivia was finally able to find the flight that Cheryl's aunt was on and saw when it would be reaching New York. She gave the info to Munch and Finn and told them that once she arrived at the airport they were to bring her to the station so they could try and sort out all the legal problems before she reunited the woman with her niece. Cheryl had been released from the hospital that morning and for the sake of her protection Olivia and Alex agreed that for the next few days she would stay with them. Alex set the teenager up on the couch and tried to make her as comfortable as she could.

"Mrs. Cabot, I'm fine I promise."

"You just had major surgery, you aren't fine. Look, just try to stay as still as you can and let those incisions heal properly ok?"

"Got it."

"Good, look I hate to do this, but I'm gonna have to go meet Liv at the station to meet with your aunt and start working out the legal stuff so we can get you home as soon as we can."

"I don't exactly have a home at the moment Mrs. Cabot."

"That's what I'm trying to change. If your father's attorney has half a brain, which might be all he has, then he will take my offer and he'll force your father's hand. If he agree to pled guilty, he'll lose his rights to you and your aunt can become your legal guardian and you would be able to avoid a court hearing or a trial."

"I don't have to talk to him, do I?" Alex sighed, "Right now, no you do not, but I can't promise anything in the long term, but I will try everything in my power to keep that from becoming a necessary thing."

"Thank you." There was a lot of emotion in that thank you and Alex knew it was for more than just what Alex had just said.

"You are very welcome. Haddie is in her room and if the boys start crying she and Josh can handle them so just try and get some rest." Alex left the house and made her way down to the station where Olivia was hovering over a large pile of paperwork and was pacing between that table and a board with all their options laid out.

"How goes the fight?" Olivia looked up and forced a smile.

"It'll go a whole lot better as soon as I have something to wave in front of the defense attorney's nose. We need her aunt before we can do anything more." Liv plopped down in her chair and Alex looked over the board and nodded her head in agreement.

"When does she get here?"

"Finn said her plane just touched down, it'll take some time to get through customs and grab her bag, but they'll bring her straight here."

"Serena should be here any minute to go over everything else with you."

"Great because if she says no, we are in for one hell of a trial." Serena showed up seconds later and she, Liv and Alex all tried to hammer out some sort of a deal that would best benefit Cheryl. Almost two hours later when they were sure they had a deal worked out, Fin and Munch stepped off the elevator with a woman trailing behind them.

"Liv this is Emily Hanes, Cheryl's aunt, Ms. Hanes this is our unit Sergeant Olivia Benson." Olivia shook the woman's hand and smiled.

"Je vous remercie d'être venus à si court préavis (thank you for coming on such short notice)." The other woman smiled and returned the handshake.

"Votre français est sergent très impressionnant. (Your French is very impressive Sergeant) But if it makes things easier on you I speak English as well."

"Forgive me for assuming you only spoke French."

"Nonsense, I spoke French on the phone with your detectives so it makes sense that you thought it was my primary language. Now, my understanding is that this matter with my niece is rather time sensitive?"

"It is, how much did Fin tell you in the car?"

"Enough to know that my one time brother in law has developed quite the aggressive side since we last saw each other. Is Cheryl ok?"

"She is now, she's at my apartment with my children at the moment because she was just released from the hospital this morning."

"What happens next?"

"That depends entirely on you Ms. Hanes. You are the only living relative Cheryl has after her father and I am desperately trying to keep her out of the foster care system."

"Do I have any claim to her, legally I mean?"

"Yes and no. With her father in custody for child abuse, the chain of guardianship goes to you next. If her father is found or pleads guilty to the charges against him you have the choice of asserting your right to raise Cheryl or you can refuse it."

"And if I want to help her and raise her, what does that mean for your case?"

"It means we have some leverage against your brother in law." At that moment the elevator chimed again and this time two men stepped out, one of them being Cheryl's father, the other being his lawyer.

"What is she doing here?" Cheryl's father barked as he approached the bullpen.

"Lovely to see you too Chad. I'm here to help Cheryl."

"My daughter and I don't need your help."

"You're probably right, but she really needed to be beaten within an inch of her life."

"That was an accident."

"An accident is when you run into a telephone pole, not when you beat your child with golf clubs until she almost bleeds out. Face it Chad, you are fucked. No judge in this country would let you go after what you did and I want Cheryl to live with me, far far away from you and all this nonsense."

"You can't take my child out of the country without my consent."

"Funny story Chad, if you're found guilty…I don't need your god damn consent. I could take her to the center of the earth for all they care because she would legally be my responsibility." Olivia stepped in and looked to the defense attorney.

"You might want to reign your dog in there, before he does something dumb."

"If this is what you called me for, we'll see you in court tomorrow."

"Not so fast." Olivia handed the lawyer a pile of papers.

"If you step foot out of this office my offer from the DA goes away and he's facing attempted murder charges." The lawyer read through the papers and sighed.

"And if he agrees to these terms?"

"I plead him down to endangering the welfare of a minor and child abuse. He does 5 years total, which is a gift and in agreeing to the guilty plea he hands over all legal rights to Cheryl." Serena listed off all her terms and stood back with a smug look on her face that told her opponent that she knew she had him cornered.

"No deal." Cheryl's father was livid at the very idea of those terms.

"Chad, shut up, she's right, all things considered this is a gift. You could be facing 15 years without a deal like this."

"Tell your client he has until tomorrow morning at 9am to decide, then the DA is changing his mind and going back to attempted murder charges." Serena and Alex left the room and waited in Cragen's office for Olivia to be done.

"You heard the lady gentlemen, this deal has a short shelf life and I have enough evidence to bury you in a prison cell with a very nice roommate, that would love to hear that you abused your child. You see they don't really like child abusers in prison…honor among thieves and all that." Olivia led Emily Hanes out of the bullpen and with Serena and Alex hot on her tail they got onto the elevator.

"I know you've had a long flight, but any interest in seeing your niece?"

"I would love that, thank you."

**I know it's short, but I needed this filer chapter so that the next one would make sense. I'm moving the day after tomorrow so roll with me on the next chapter.**


	36. Opposite of Cruel

**I'm unbelievably sorry you guys but between school and my internship I rarely get a spare moment to myself these days. And now I have midterms, but hopefully this makes up for the wait. Thanks for hanging in there with me.**

When the three women arrived at the apartment Olivia quickly unlocked the door and ushered Alex and Emily through the door. Once inside she called out for Josh and Haddie who both emerged from the master bedroom each of them holding one of the twins in their arms. Alex reached out and lifted JD out of Josh's arms and quickly did the same with Xander, taking him out of Haddie's arms and holding him in her only free arm. Olivia introduced Haddie and Josh to Emily and after everyone shook hands and made the awkward small talk Haddie made an excuse for her and Josh to leave the apartment for at least the next 20 minutes. Once they were gone Olivia checked on Cheryl, who was sound asleep on her and Alex's bed so she joined Alex and Emily in the living.

"She took a pain pill this morning before we left so I think it finally kicked in. I can wake her if you'd like."

"Oh no, please let her rest. I really can't thank you enough for taking care of her until I could make it back to the states."

"It was no trouble really. I mean, it's kind of our jobs to keep her safe." Alex pointed out as she set both babies on the ground to play with their assortment of stuffed animals and blankets.

"I'm sure it wasn't your job to stay with her at the hospital and take her home with you." Liv looked confused as to how Emily knew all that when no one had said anything about the hospital. "Your detectives filled me in on what happened on the ride from the airport."

"We didn't want her to get lost in the system, besides we always could use another set of hands here with the boys starting to crawl."

"Well, thank you all the same. Not to put a business tone to all this, but what happens now with Chad and his rights as her father." Alex jumped in and explained.

"If he has half a brain in his head, he will listen to his lawyer and accept my offer. If that happens a judge will terminate his parental rights and they will be given to you. After that you can take Cheryl with you wherever you want."

"I feel bad swooping in to save the day only to tell her that she would be moving half way across the world. Seems a little bit cruel."

"Moving to France kind of seems the opposite of cruel." All three adults looked up to see Cheryl standing in the doorway. She waved off their offers for helping her to the sofa and slowly made her way over to where her aunt was sitting.

"Last time I saw you I was a kid." Emily looked down at the ground at the comment.

"I know and I'm sorry I wasn't around. Believe me honey if I had any idea what was going on with your dad I would had come back much sooner."

"I'm not mad at you. Dad cut off every tie we had to mom's family. You can't blame yourself for what he did. And you're here now." Cheryl looked over to Alex and asked, "when does all that legal business happen?"

"Your father has until tonight to make a decision even though I told him he had much less time to do so. All in all, should take about three days."

"How much time do I have before we leave?" Cheryl looked back to her aunt.

"We aren't lunching a clock sweetheart, we can take as much time as you need. I mean flying that far isn't fun on a good day, so soon after surgery, I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"No, I know…I just. This is gonna sound terrible, but I want to get out of New York sooner rather than later." Cheryl looked at Alex and Olivia, "please don't think I'm trying to insult your hospitality. I can never thank you enough for helping me with everything when it would have been totally understandable if you had turned me away at the door, but ever since my mom died, I've been waiting for something to change and this kind of looks like my chance for that change."

"No one can blame you for wanting a fresh start Cheryl." Olivia could understand, maybe better than most that sometimes a fresh start is all someone needs to get their life back on track.

"If you want to start getting things from you house we can take you over there whenever you want. Liv will have to go with you because it's roped off, but just let us know."

"Actually, there are a few things I'd like to go through before I start packing things up to move for good."

"Let me grab my keys and we can go whenever you feel up to it. Just take it easy with those surgical stiches." Olivia looked to Alex, "you ok with the boys while we are gone."

"I'd be happy to stay here and help with the babies, that is if you both don't mind." Emily was already making faces at the boys and clearly they were enjoying this new person in their house.

"I think between the two of us we can keep them under control." Olivia helped Cheryl out of the apartment and into the car. The car ride to her house was quiet and when they got there Cheryl just sat in the car for a few minutes, not showing any signs of moving.

"We don't have to do this today honey. We can wait until…"

"No, I'm not going to be scared of my own house."

**I know it's short and probably kind of all over the place, but I wanted to update this story so this is what came of that. I have two chapters of Cheryl still being in this story, but then it's back to the regular characters and their lives.**


	37. Worth It

**I am so extraordinarily sorry for the delay you guys. This story just got away from me. If you are still reading it then thank you.**

The ride back to the apartment was quiet and Olivia didn't really expect it to be any different. They had packed most of Cheryl's clothes and things she would want right away, leaving the rest to be packed by the moving team that her aunt had already hired.

"What'll happen to the house?" Cheryl asked as she continued to look out the window.

"It depends. If your dad owns it, then probably nothing. He can shit off the utilities and leave it like that until he gets out of prison. Or he could sell it, although it would be impossible for him to do so while he's locked up. If he doesn't own it then it'll go back on the market for someone else to buy."

"He doesn't own it. We moved there after mom died and we've been renting it ever since. Guess it's just as well that we never put down any permanent roots."

"I used to think the same way. I used to think that the freedom to do what I wanted and not answer to anyone was the best kind of life."

"What happened?"

Olivia glanced at the teenager and smiled, "I met Alex. That life does give you freedom Cheryl, but it can get really lonely if you keep running away from people who love you."

"Yeah, well, my dad loved me so much he almost beat me to death so where does that leave me?"

"In the same place Haddie was in last year and the same place I was in when I was your age. You have a choice to make. You can continue to believe that no one cares for you, or you can take the blinders off and realize that just because one person couldn't love you because of their own hang ups, doesn't mean a hundred other people can't love you as you are." Cheryl hung her head and felt bad for assuming that no one could understand her plight.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"When I was your age I snapped at a lot of people too, for the same reason. They wanted to help, but couldn't understand. I loved my mother and I'm guessing that normally you love your father, but when my mom drank she stopped being that person I loved and she lost that ability to love me the way I deserved. It took me a long time to forgive her and by the time I was ready to we only had a few years left with each other. I like to think that even though she's gone we still managed to forgive what happened and move on. I have a wife and children and a job I love and I know if she were alive to see it she'd be happy for me." Olivia pulled into the parking garage of the apartment and shut off the car.

"You think I'll ever have that with my dad?"

"I don't know honey. That's up to you and him. But what you do have is a family member that wants to make up for lost time and be there for you and besides, living in Paris doesn't sound like such a bad thing." Cheryl smiled and let Olivia help her out of the car. They left the bags in the car, knowing they would be leaving for a hotel or the airport soon enough. Once they got upstairs Olivia let them into the apartment and was met with the sight of Alex and Cheryl's aunt sitting at the kitchen table talking over coffee.

"Get everything you needed?" Alex asked as they walked in.

"Everything that matters, they can mail me the rest of it." Her aunt stood up from her seat and crossed to where her niece stood. "Well, we should probably head over to our hotel and get out of your way. I'm sorry for all of the issues my brother in law has caused. You have three kids and jobs to worry about and I'm truly sorry that his behavior has disrupted anything."

"You don't have to be sorry at all. We were glad to be able to help. Any idea when you'll be leaving?" Alex asked, knowing the girls would want to say goodbye despite their tentative friendship.

"As soon as the ink is dry on that deal your friend drew up. I have us on a flight back to Paris in two days. We'll be sure to come by here first, let the girls say goodbye. If that is alright with you." Olivia nodded.

"Of course it's alright. Come on I'll give you a lift to your hotel." She kissed Alex and ushered the two other women downstairs to the car. Alex cleaned up in the kitchen and eventually settled into her bedroom. The boys didn't seem like wanting to sleep so Alex put them on the bed with her and let them tire themselves out with a few toys. Alex could see her daughter pacing in the hallway and eventually she called her out on it.

"You are about a subtle as a hand grenade kiddo. You can come in you know. The boys were just having a fascinating discussion about that stuffed elephant." Alex nodded to the babies who did seem to be talking in a very animated fashion about the toy that was sitting between them. Haddie joined them on the bed and the boy immediately got excited. JD offered the plush toy to his sister and babbled something as he did so.

"Is that for me buddy? You are far too kind." The boys went back to their "conversation" and Haddie went back to being quiet.

"Did you have something to talk to me about or were you just coming in to say goodnight?"

"It's good that Cheryl has someone to take care of her." Alex nodded her head, not sure where her daughter was going with this.

"Yes, it is."

"Then why don't I feel better about all of this?" Haddie collapsed on Olivia's side of the bed and watched her brother playing with each other as they tried to fight sleep. Alex reached over and brushed Haddie's hair away from her face before she answered.

"Maybe you're feeling what momma and I feel all the time. We can't save them all honey and it's something your mom and I have struggled with all our careers. When we can help someone and things turn out well you never end up feeling that great about it because you know there are a million stories that never have happy endings. You are happy for Cheryl because she has someone who can love her and care for her, but you also know that deep down she got very lucky."

"If you and mom feel like this all the time then why do it at all?" Alex sighed and lifted Haddie's chin up to meet her gaze.

"Because sometimes it works out and that one time it works out makes the times it doesn't worth it. And because sometimes, in very rare occasions, we get to save someone and then make them a part of our family." Haddie had to smile at that and she decided that for tonight she too would live with the pleasant feeling of knowing her classmate, her friend was safe and worry about the people she couldn't save another day.

**I know it's short, I apologize. I basically wrote this on my lunch break at work and I wanted to get it out there.**


	38. Author's Note: So Sorry For The Wait

Guys, sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. I am incredibly sorry for not updating this story in a really long time. School got insane, I had two licensing exams, my sister announced she is having a baby and life just caught up with me. I am working on a new chapter for this story so if you are still interested in reading it then I'd be happy to keep on writing it. Let me know your thoughts or anything you might like to see


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